[shishcap]

I have been married for 30 some years. I have a pain in the butt mother-in-law. The woman is hyperchondrical, very manipulative and self-centered. My husband has never had a close relationship with her, but will very seldom say anything to her when she's out of line. The older I get, the less tolerance I have for her and have been more vocal about my annoyance with her lately when she's pulling one of her stunts. I have basically reached the end of my rope with her. We do not live in the same state anymore, so that has provided us with some relief, but she now claims she's on antidepressants because she misses her family, meaning us. We have two older daughters, 17 and 23, her only grandchildren that have never been that close to grandma either, but she is their grandma. How do I deal with this woman? Just ignore her pleas for sympathy and unrealistic expectations or have as little to do with her as possible and when I do see her put up with her nonsense?

[LearningAsIGo]

I'm assuming this is quite an elderly woman. I understand that she's hard to deal with and you're becoming less tolerant (what you wrote actually reminds me of my own grandmother). However, you really should do your best to let it roll off your shoulders. You don't live near her any more, so it would be easy to placate her by sending photos or cards in the mail. A simple act for you that may make her feel loved and like she's getting attention.

As she gets older, she'll be feeling lonesome and possibly scared of her future when her family does not live nearby. You may not have been close in the past, and you probably won't get any closer now, but that doesn't mean she may not have some regret now that you live further away.

Good luck... and be patient with her. If nothing else, you'll be a good roll model for your kids.