[Confused12]

I had been dating my girlfriend for about 3 and half years. My girlfriend is extremely attractive and I started to notice how much attention she was receiving whenever we went out to the bars or even the mall. I became very insecure and jeoulous.. I started constantly asking her "Who was she talking to ?" "Did any guys hit on her?" Another reason I felt caused my insecurity was that fact that she just never really showed me much affection. She said it wasn't me its just how she is... Besides me being jealous and insecure our relationship was going really well... We always hung out, I went to her family dinners, we would laugh together, had inside jokes, etc... One thing I thought was weird with her was that she doesn't have any friends, the only friend she has is her mom and her cousin who is her age, so whenever we went out it would be my male friends her and her cousin. The past week and half she had been acting very strangely. She seemed to be more depressed, wasn’t talking as much, etc.. We had a little argument about a week ago and out of nowhere she tells me she wants some space, she feels like I'm suffocating her.. It hit me like a pound of bricks.. I was shocked.. I found out one of her male co workers called her at 2 in the morning the day we broke up.. Im not sure if that had anything to do with her decision or not.. After looking back I realize how selfish I was acting and how I was pushing her away with my insecurity... I feel very disappointed and embarrassed at myself for becoming too controlling. I really love her so much and she still tells me she loves me but she is still standing by her decision... I really don’t want to lose her.. I mentioned to her that I am getting help with my problems. Its just so hard after 3 years to just let someone go.. I feel that if she does give me a second chance that we can work things out.. I understand she needs her space and I want her to go out and meet friends but I'm scared she will find someone to replace me if she hasn't already... Please help me out... what should I do?. Is there anyway I can win her back? We haven’t talked in two days its driving me crazy... If anyone can help me I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks

[s_cianci]

At this point I'd give her the space that she wants. It sounds like she may have some issues that she needs to work out. Whether she is aware of these is unclear from your post. However, her telling you that she "wants space" may be an indication that she is aware of her issues and is conscientiously trying to work them out. For being as attractive and as much of a "head turner" as you say she is, she doesn't seem to be very popular if, as you say, her only friends are her mom and her cousin. It's also surprising that she's as aloof as you make her seem to be. If what you say is true then your fears and insecurities seem to be totally unfounded. In that case, she may really feel that you are in fact "smothering" her and that can be a big turn-off. Now you should get out, meet some new women and pursue some new interests or pick up on some old ones. Let her realize that you don't need her in your life to make you happy. She may eventually start to miss you and come back, especially if she's the loner that you make her out to be. Let her feel like she needs you, instead of the other way around. That way the ball stays in your court and you stay in control.

[Confused12]

Thanks for the advice... When we ended it she said she still loves me and wants to still be friends... We haven't spoken in two days and she just called me and left a message to just see what's up and to call her when I get the message... do you think I should call her back or not return it and make her think about things?

[fredg]

Hi,
I just answered your other post about how, why, etc, this happened in the first place.
Now, she let's you know she "just wants to be friends".
The issue is, Do You Just Want to be friends?
If not, the best thing you can do is not to call her back, and not see her.
Give her more time, maybe a couple of months to make up her mind. Just being "friends" with her is only going to cause you more heartache now.
Been there, tried it, many yrs ago. Doesn't work!

[Confused12]

Thanks for the advice... Ok so I returned her call the next day and we talked for little about nothing... just told her that I was getting ready to go for a job interview she asked me a couple questions about that and then she asked me how come I didn't call her back last night.. I told her I was really busy preparing for the interview said OK well good luck call me later and let me know how it went... Does it sound like she's playing a game?? Do you think that I should continue talking to her but not nearly as often as I had been in the past and maybe if she sees that I have changed and haven't been on her case about anything that she would take me back? Or should I just totally cut her off because I'm just preparing myself to get hurt again?

[s_cianci]

Thanks for the advice...When we ended it she said she still loves me and wants to still be friends...We havent spoken in two days and she just called me and left a message to just see whats up and to call her when i get the message... do you think i should call her back or not return it and make her think about things??

Wait a few days, then call her when you have the time to spare. Let the conversation flow naturally. Don't put any pressure on her and talk like there's really nothing at stake. Nature will take its course from there.

[s_cianci]

Thanks for the advice... Ok so I returned her call the next day and we talked for little about nothing... jsut told her that I was getting ready to go for a job interview she asked me a couple questions about that and then she asked me how come I didnt call her back last night.. i told her i was really busy preparing for the interview said ok well good luck call me later and let me know how it went... Does it sound like shes playing a game??? Do you think that I should continue talking to her but not nearly as often as i had been in the past and maybe if she sees that I have changed and havent been on her case about anything that she would take me back ?? or should I just totally cut her off because im just preparing myself to get hurt again??

You don't have to totally cut her off at this point. Talk to her occasionally, keep it light, nothing at stake, your life is happy and wonderful, you're having new experiences and meeting people, etc. Get the picture? You don't need her but you'll gladly be her friend. When she's ready to "take the bait", meet her for coffee or something similarly light. Things will progress from there - give it time.