[Wheatpenny]

I have been married 26 years and have 3 children 19 to 26. My marriage has been hurtful and empty for over 10 years. My husband is an functional alcohlic verbal abuser for years. 8 years ago he lost a very lucrative business, so that only made him worse. I have been sad, lonely, depressed and empty for so long. I have been drawn to man who works in my corporation ( innocently, not looking). The feelings are mutual. He is also married 26 years with 2 grown children, and holds a very high position with the company where I work. We have not been together sexually, we have kissed on 3 occasions and have gotten a little carried away with our bodies touching. This is also a first for him. We fought our feelings for so long, and know it is out in the open with each other. I only get to see him once a month, which makes it much worse, because all I do is yearn to see him again. I have never felt like this before. I wake up with him on my mind and go to sleep thinking about our converastions, and touching him. We both know this is dangerous, family & job, and I do not know exactly where it is headed, but for now, I live for the next time we see each other. I resent my husband more, and I want to be happy. I know this is wrong, but at 50 I am starting to feel alive and beautiful. My question is that " shouldn't I do this for me'? Don't I deserve some happiness. I would like very much to divorce my husband and did want to before "the other man" came in the picture, unfortunelty financially we can not afford to live apart. Any advise?

[GlindaofOz]

You do deserve some happiness but not in this way. (EDIT I missed that the other guy was married) Neither is it fair for this man to cheat on his wife. As I highly doubt his marriage is unhappy he just probably wants to have his cake and eat it too. Plus you are putting your job in jeopardy since he is so senior.

You should do the right thing and leave what sounds like a terrible marriage. Financially I'm sure things could be worked out.

I would imagine that your life and happiness should be more important then staying in a relationship with an abusive alcoholic. However if you are looking for permission to have an affair I'm afraid I cannot give that to you. You should at least start the divorce precedings before pursuing anything with anyone.

[Jillanpillan]

Hi!
Just want to say that I think you deserve it... but the guy you have an affair with, what's his reason? Cause I believe most men think with you know what first, so make sure you don't get hurt. He is married!
Good luck!

[shatteredsoul]

I say, cut your losses and be single and broke. Better to be in love and broke than to be with a miserable A$$hole the rest of your life! If you have been unhappy for ten years, you owe it to both of you to get out while you are young enough to move on. As for the man you are with, I would be respectful of both of your marriages, until you are free to be together. I don't know what his intentions are but there is no need for either one of you to cheat. The children are grown and finances are not a reason to stay married. AT least if you were single, you would be being true to yourself and that is more important than having money! IT may be tough at first, but it can't be more tough than what you are dealing with and reeling over now. Be the better person and get out before you are even more unfaithful. Do it for yourself, it is better than living a lie!

[shygrneyzs]

Dump the husband, regain yourself esteem, start over again with life, and it will be a better life. You do not need an affair with a married man right now. Honestly. Now if he divorces his wife and is single and you become single, then sure - date each other. But two wrongs do not ever make a right. Having an affair when one is married - to another one who is married - is a foul basis for any meaningful relationship.

[LearningAsIGo]

You don't want to be "that person" do you? I think everyone here knows that an affair is never secret for long. Someone always finds out... someone always gets hurt. Your children may be adults, but it wouldn't hurt any less to find this out about their mother.

Its understandable you would feel lonesome when your husband does not provide what you need. However, I don't really believe you want to do something like that behind his back. Be the bigger person and leave him if you have to find love elsewhere. It would be a tad ironic to break up two marriages for "love".

[talaniman]

Its so easy to be attracted to others when we have so much misery in our lives. Having an affair with a married man will only add to that misery though and it would be better to solve your personal problems first. Talk to your husband in an honest way the same as you have done here and just lay it out for him that your miserable and need change. If he can't help you find happiness, ADIOS. Recognise though, that looking for love and happiness in the wrong places, can be worse than where your at now. Be smart and get a healthy life you can be happy with.

[minnie23]

Well I am only 23, maybe you might think I am a fool, but I would like to share my advice with you. I see my mam and dad and their married for the same length of time as you. They have had bad times, but good also, they stick by each other talk things through my dad is great I love him to bits his fond of his few drinks, and I know it hurts mam sometimes, but they talk about it, and there great I don't know what I would ever do if they split, I think you only have feelings for this fella cause its exciting, a thrill, but imagine if you end up with him, OK think about your surroundings for a minute, oh sure it would be great for maybe 1yr the honeymoon period, but who's around you, are all your family and friends that you had, when you were with your husband still there the ones you really love, and care for this man might seem wonderful now, and maybe he is, but there is no one in the world going to tell you what to do, only you talk to your husband tell him you are sad, get away on a break for a few weeks just the two of you... I know, if it was my mam and dad that split I would be heartbroken and I'm an adult. Best of luck whatever you decide but you could stand to lose everything.. I really do feel sorry for you x x