[Holiday75]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years now and let me tell you ladies I couldn't ask for a better man. I have never wanted to be married or have children and I still struggle with the issue, but this is such a wonderful man that I would be willing to give it a try with him only. He's almost 20 yrs older than I am and there are so many other things that play apart in it as well but the problem is sex. We've been using viagra which has helped a little with that problem but his skills are really bad. I've tried to teach him but it just doesn't sink in and everything he does from foreplay to intercourse is painful. Especially the intercourse because he can't get me ready (I've been using lubricant though) and he's really large. He won't watch porn and he refuses to go into a sex shop. He spent 12 years in prison (mostly in isolation) and I am so scared to talk to him about it. I've cheated several times but I can't take it anymore the sneaking around and messing with guys I don't care about. I want to be with the one I love. Marriage is a constant topic recently but I know it will only get worse if we don't address the problem now. What should I do? :confused: I really need an expert opinion.

[smoothy]

See a therapist... Honestly. What is it about this guy you find so compelling? If he is 20 years older that makes him at a minimum of 38. Possibly more.

If he hasn't learned by now he likely won't. Another issue, exactly what did he do to get 12 years in isolation. That's typically reserved for the worst of offenders.

[Holiday75]

My boyfriend is 50 years old. His time in prison wasn't consecutive and he spent 4 years in isolation. It was for car theft and the judge wasn't nice. He was force to protect himself in these prison race wars and ended up with more time. But he has truly changed people cannot believe he was ever in prison. His past friends and family even talk about how much he has change, it makes me respect him even more. At his age its hard to start over but he's humbled himself enough to do so. He started pushing a broom around a basketball stadium for minimum wage and now he is an assistant foreman with a big company. He worked with these people for two years through a temp agency but they called him back because he's such a good worker.You know he had to work hard to get that one, especially at his age and with his criminal background not to mention all the cheap labor who would want to hire him. No matter what he has I'm always first. He bought me a car so that I wouldn't have to take a bus and he continues to ride a bike to work (He just started the assistant foreman job last week). He will live off 40 dollars a week to make sure that my fridge has food in it. He fills up my gas tank every week. I get breakfast in bed on the weekends he even helps me take care of my mother by cleaning her yard. I never have to pay for anything when we go out and I could go on and on about so much more. That's what I find so compelling about him. I'm not letting him go for nothing in the world I'm just feeling like I may have to give up my need for sexual pleasure and I don't want to.

[smoothy]

OK... knowing what got him in that situation does help say something about him. Without knowing all that stuff its hard to make a judgment so it will help us in giving some advice. Lazy doesn't appear to be in his vocabulary as you describe.

But I tend to think you can't teach an old dog new tricks. He #1 has to really want to learn to push your buttons... and #2 has some amount of ability. Like working with your hands, some people just do not have the aptitude to be able to do it no matter how much you try to teach them.

I'd say try to be direct, patient and try to guide him as he does it. All women will be a little different in what does it for them, if he's a slow learner you will have to be patient and know he just may not have the knack for that. But as long as he tries that is.