Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask
    Chery's Avatar
    Chery Posts: 3,666, Reputation: 698
    Gone, But Not Forgotten
     
    #21

    Sep 5, 2007, 03:52 PM
    Congrats! He's just gorgeous!

    I hope that the court issue comes out the way you hope and that all will go well.

    Give your GF a chance.. her moods will be as they will be, but as long as you know that they can be expected, you can learn how to handle them. A lot of women get horny shortly after birth, but it is not the safest thing to do. Maybe someone needs to explain this to her for the future. Being a new mom she has to take good care of her own health so that she can be there for him, and you of course.

    Let us know how things work out.
    AntJon82's Avatar
    AntJon82 Posts: 41, Reputation: 0
    Junior Member
     
    #22

    Sep 5, 2007, 03:56 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Chery
    Congrats! He's just gorgeous!

    I hope that the court issue comes out the way you hope and that all will go well.

    Give your GF a chance.. her moods will be as they will be, but as long as you know that they can be expected, you can learn how to handle them. A lot of women get horny shortly after birth, but it is not the safest thing to do. Maybe someone needs to explain this to her for the future. Being a new mom she has to take good care of her own health so that she can be there for him, and you of course.

    Let us know how things work out.

    OK I will thks but as far as health she was throwing up last week and her period hasn't come in weeks
    AntJon82's Avatar
    AntJon82 Posts: 41, Reputation: 0
    Junior Member
     
    #23

    Sep 5, 2007, 04:04 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by dreamangel226
    Would it be possible for her to move with you?

    Yeah if she got a job I live with my mother though
    dreamangel226's Avatar
    dreamangel226 Posts: 22, Reputation: 2
    New Member
     
    #24

    Sep 5, 2007, 04:09 PM
    Well think about getting a place for you guys to live in. You are an adult with a family now (if your trying to make it work) so perhaps getting a place where you guys could live as a family might benefit her. Being in a house with so many sibling and family might really be a problem for her and her family could be getting in her ear about things.
    mikehst's Avatar
    mikehst Posts: 49, Reputation: 5
    Junior Member
     
    #25

    Sep 5, 2007, 04:14 PM
    Well you live in NJ and she lives in NY?? How far of a distance is that. Maybe she feels like you're out of the picture because you're so far away from what is going on. It takes time for the woman to be back to her normal state of mind. But I recall you quoting that she said It's her child and not OURS and that is not right especially when you want to be in her and your child's life. It seems that you show her your concern and she should acknowledge you more. The main problem is that she's stressed over this and you may be putting a burden on her. I know you care... A LOT, but you should back off and see how things get. If worst comes to worst... you need to confront her and tell her what you feel which I'm sure you've already tried. Don't consult her in a whiney tone but more an assertive manner because you need to help her to have her mind at ease but while getting what you want. But there are other views and I don't know enough to answer fully. But one thing is the sex... I'm not saying that you don't love her but if you really care about this relationship, you will lay off about the sex and maybe when things are settled with you r child, Geneva will bring to you your child in better health then when he/she was born. You need to make it more of an obligation to be physically closer to her if at all possible. There's always the possibility though that she is the rotten type of female that will take what she wants from you and leave... Believe me I know it. It happened to me and all so quick. But I wish you the best of luck and all you can do now is wait though you feel like you're losing your mind. Do not become too passive as to what is going on with her but also don't hound her over it. In time things should get better because the bottom line is, it is most likely your child and you want your life with her... but if for some odd reason things do not work out and she leaves you, do not let her go until she gives you an explanation as to why she did this to you. And if you really really love her, you will do everything in your absolute power to make things right, if not for her, for the child so at least she knows you care. And if she does contact you, my personal advice would be to get into the topic of her and your child quickly and ask her questions about the baby and how she is feeling. Do your best to show you care and don't let her cut the phone cut short until you get the answers that you want about her health and your baby's. And I'll be honest with you, the words "i love you" don't mean sh*t because things can always change on you and then you're left in a weak position. You must SHOW her you love her. If you don't say "i love you" (which will be hard because you do) and you hang up with her she may realize how much she loves you and wants to hear that you still do the next time(this worked for me haha). But the downside is that in my relationship when my girlfriend stopped saying "I love you" back and when I told her I missed her she sounded like she really didn't. Soon enough she broke up with me... You and me are pretty much in the same shoes except a child is not involved.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #26

    Sep 5, 2007, 04:19 PM
    Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww, what a cute baby!!

    And I am so happy in how differently you are writing now from your first post.

    I like the idea of her and the baby moving in with you in your own place or with your mom for a while if she's OK with that. What work has your girlfriend done in the past? AND what about the baby while she's working? Would you take turns with her taking care of him?

    What the baby's first name? For a preemie starting, he (she?) looks pretty good sized now.
    AntJon82's Avatar
    AntJon82 Posts: 41, Reputation: 0
    Junior Member
     
    #27

    Sep 5, 2007, 04:29 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl
    Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww, what a cute baby!!!!!!

    And I am so happy in how differently you are writing now from your first post.

    I like the idea of her and the baby moving in with you in your own place or with your mom for a while if she's ok with that. What work has your gf done in the past? AND what about the baby while she's working? Would you take turns with her taking care of him?

    What the baby's first name? For a preemie starting out, he (she?) looks pretty good sized now.

    His name is isiah an I don't know if my mom would like that but I want to be near her so I can help when she comes to my house she gets sleep
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #28

    Sep 5, 2007, 04:32 PM
    I love that name! Do the two women know each other very well? Do you think they would get along living together? Could you afford to get your own place?
    AntJon82's Avatar
    AntJon82 Posts: 41, Reputation: 0
    Junior Member
     
    #29

    Sep 5, 2007, 04:34 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by mikehst
    Well you live in NJ and she lives in NY??? How far of a distance is that. Maybe she feels like you're out of the picture because you're so far away from what is going on. It takes time for the woman to be back to her normal state of mind. But I recall you quoting that she said It's her child and not OURS and that is not right especially when you want to be in her and your child's life. It seems that you show her your concern and she should acknowledge you more. The main problem is that she's stressed over this and you may be putting a burden on her. I know you care...A LOT, but you should back off and see how things get. If worst comes to worst...you need to confront her and tell her what you feel which I'm sure you've already tried. Don't consult her in a whiney tone but more an assertive manner because you need to help her to have her mind at ease but while getting what you want. But there are other views and I don't know enough to answer fully. But one thing is the sex...I'm not saying that you don't love her but if you really care about this relationship, you will lay off about the sex and maybe when things are settled with you r child, Geneva will bring to you your child in better health then when he/she was born. You need to make it more of an obligation to be physically closer to her if at all possible. There's always the possibility though that she is the rotten type of female that will take what she wants from you and leave...Believe me I know it. It happened to me and all so quick. But I wish you the best of luck and all you can do now is wait though you feel like you're losing your mind. Do not become too passive as to what is going on with her but also don't hound her over it. In time things should get better because the bottom line is, it is most likely your child and you want your life with her...but if for some odd reason things do not work out and she leaves you, do not let her go until she gives you an explanation as to why she did this to you. And if you really really love her, you will do everything in your absolute power to make things right, if not for her, for the child so at least she knows you care. And if she does contact you, my personal advice would be to get into the topic of her and your child quickly and ask her questions about the baby and how she is feeling. Do your best to show you care and don't let her cut the phone cut short until you get the answers that you want about her health and your baby's. And I'll be honest with you, the words "i love you" don't mean sh*t because things can always change on you and then you're left in a weak position. you must SHOW her you love her. If you don't say "i love you" (which will be hard because you do) and you hang up with her she may realize how much she loves you and wants to hear that you still do the next time(this worked for me haha). But the downside is that in my relationship when my girlfriend stopped saying "I love you" back and when I told her I missed her she sounded like she really didn't. Soon enough she broke up with me...You and me are pretty much in the same shoes except a child is not involved.

    Thks but yeah she don't say like that anymore I got to make her say it and she I the type to be too closee to her ex's on the phone and on myspace
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,298, Reputation: 5646
    Expert
     
    #30

    Sep 5, 2007, 04:41 PM
    What a beautiful baby you have. I am guessing this is your first?

    If it is, you need to understand that having a baby is all about the baby and nothing about the mother or father. ESPECIALLY if it is a preemie.

    Preemies come with a multitude of possible problems. I bet she is focusing on that right now.

    Also, I hope and pray she is not pregnant again. This would be very dangerous to her health, as well as the unborn baby. Please use protection if she is not pregnant.

    I hope things work out for you, and remember, she may just be focusing on that tiny little life right now. That is what is important at this moment in time.
    AntJon82's Avatar
    AntJon82 Posts: 41, Reputation: 0
    Junior Member
     
    #31

    Sep 5, 2007, 04:44 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl
    I love that name! Do the two women know each other very well? Do you think they would get along living together? Could you afford to get your own place?

    I go too school 3 days a week and work barely 2 days ima paraprofessional in nyc for nyc doe and my mom likes geneva its really about geneva's mom don't like or barely respects me
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #32

    Sep 5, 2007, 04:51 PM
    Aha! This is your big chance to turn things around in how Geneva's mom thinks about you. Would Geneva be willing to move in with you and your mom? Um, how old is Geneva? Is she under 18?
    AntJon82's Avatar
    AntJon82 Posts: 41, Reputation: 0
    Junior Member
     
    #33

    Sep 5, 2007, 05:00 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl
    Aha!! This is your big chance to turn things around in how Geneva's mom thinks about you. Would Geneva be willing to move in with you and your mom? Um, how old is Geneva? Is she under 18?

    She's 20 n yeah she would want to move but she told me she would think about it
    mrmove's Avatar
    mrmove Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #34

    Sep 5, 2007, 09:27 PM
    Dude if I was you id get my priorities straight as soon as possible, you have a baby, DO NOT get her pregnant again, what do you think will happen to the relatioship then. Chances are your girlfriend is very upset or un accepting the baby for some reason. Your best chances are to take her out to dinner, and try to talk to her about. DO NOT FIGHT WITH HER. And ask her what she wants. Expect the worse most of all. No matter what the path will only get harder from here on. And if she does leave you, make sure you raise that baby like it's the only thing that matters to you in the whole wide world. Because you can't make the child feel guilty or dissadvantaged. The biggest thing now is the child. You really have to rethink everything... goodluck... oh and try to get HEAPS of support from the community, go to church, go to people that can help out. Don't do it alone.

    Regards
    Chery's Avatar
    Chery Posts: 3,666, Reputation: 698
    Gone, But Not Forgotten
     
    #35

    Sep 6, 2007, 05:39 AM
    Dear, from what you said about her period not showing and her throwing up, I think you need to prepare to becoming a dad of two...

    Is there anything keeping her from living with you? Is she responsible for her siblings during the day? It sounds like a lot of responsibility for a young mother, while living with so many siblings.. Did she ever in her life have a chance to be a normal teen? Maybe I read too much into this, but I think you'd both be happier and out of an endless rut if you two would establish your own 'family unit' without all the others.

    As was said here before, get all the help and support you can both get from any organization and community structure as possible. There are people out there willing to help you somehow, all you need to do is ask.

    Nothing in life is easy and I hope that you get the chance to experience the joy being a father can be. Our kids need all the love and comfort we can give them, anywhere in this world.

    Blessings and best wishes..

    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #36

    Sep 6, 2007, 09:20 AM
    Wow guy you have a lot on your plate at this time and I can only tell you that she will be so hard to understand at this time after giving birth and going through a lot of mental, physical, emotional and phycological changes. Be patient and do the right things by your new family and don't get upset with her many changes she will send you through. Especially if she is pregnant again. The distance between you will help nothing and maybe being closer and more physically involved is what you need right now, but be ready to catch hell as that's what young mothers do.
    proudmother1020's Avatar
    proudmother1020 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #37

    Sep 6, 2007, 09:24 AM
    The baby needs both mother and father. Show her that you are grateful about the child that has come into both of your lives. Show up where she lives with diapers, clothes, gifts and for her show her that she´s not alone. Help her clean, make her food, give her a break from the baby
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #38

    Sep 6, 2007, 09:35 AM
    How about giving us a break with all those caps, okay!!

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions

 

Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search


Check out some similar questions!

Baby's mama [ 12 Answers ]

OK this is my problem my husband has a baby girl... the mother is not me duh but she woint let him see her and he has to pay child support... I understand that but doesn't by law she has to let him see his child?. she talk sh*h about him and wants the money but she won't keep up to her end of the...

My baby's father [ 6 Answers ]

Will Jonathan alexander garcia come back for me and his baby? Am I going to have a baby?:(

Trying to get with my baby's daddy. [ 4 Answers ]

I started dating my ex in Apirl of last year. We got pregant within the first three months, and my hormones and emotions starting going crazy. I was treating him like crap, saying things like I didn't want to be with him, I would ruin the evening by thinking he didn't want me there, even though...

Opinion on baby's name tattoo [ 13 Answers ]

I kind of need suggestions on what my tatto should look like. I just turned 18 and I want to get a tattoo. Nothing extreme but I just had a baby that I named gabriel and I want to get a tattoo with his name. What I need suggestions for is for things like placement, size, and what type of picture...

Baby's sex [ 5 Answers ]

I am 22 weeks pregnant with my second child. Please could you tell me the baby's sex?


View more questions Search