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DJ 'H' · Nov 25, 2005, 06:38 AM

I don't know why I did not thinkof asking for your thoughts on this one earlier - but I have been friends with a guy called Damien for 9yrs now. We met on holiday when I was only 13yrs and have stayed in touch for all these years since. Well we were up until my birthday in April this year.

I started spending a little more time with him in Feb/March. He lives about an 1hr 30mins away from me - so we started to commuting to eachothers houses more often and going out for drinks etc more often. I got to meet his friends and he met mine and it was lovely hanging out. We have always been right chatterboxes together. We used to spend 4 hours on the phone to each other once a week (taking it in turns to spread the cost over both our phone bills) and we have become very close over the years.

Now in April it was my 21st birthday and I had a huge party going on - he promised to be there and it was all arranged for him to stay over at mine and he was going to bring a couple of friends.

On the day of my birthday he did not show; he did not even contact me in any form. I was upset (but did not let in ruin my day).

I tried texting him to which I had no reply and I tired emailing him and calling - to which I had no reply so I just left it. 3 months later in July he finally got in touch. He text me asking me how I was, apologised about my birthday and said he would understand if I did not want to talk to him.

I forgave him and we arranged to meet the following weekend. He told me to text him nearer the time to arrange a time/place etc. So that weekend I text him and once he again no reply - I have not heard anything from him since.

I am very confused and I really miss him. I have emailed him twice - but nothing.

Any ideas what might be going through his head? Or why he has cut me out like this? I am just titally baffled and I don't understand what I did wrong?

nymphetamine · Nov 25, 2005, 06:50 AM

you need to tell his^&&(%$%@^* that you isn't taking his &^&*%^ no more and what the heck is up. Just tell him you are concerned and don't understand what is going on. Write him a letter if you have to and tell him don't give you any of that &&*(()* its nothing %&***&^%. He better come with it straight or you'll be all up in his grill. Then if he lies again karate chop his &^*(^&*^%$%. Good luck and happy holidays.

fredg · Nov 25, 2005, 07:37 AM

HI,
First, it would be nice to read Crankiebabie's posts without have to filter through all the %%%%% stuff. Why not just use non-vulgar words, leave out these kind of things? You can get your point across by just using simple words, and would make it much more "believable" to read.
DJH, I think you are being ignored by this person. If he really, really loved you, there would not be treatment like this. As I have read in some of your other posted answers, I think you know the answer already, but just might want to "read it" in type. Love is a two way street, with respect, honesty, and caring for each other. (You have, in words, said the same thing).
You haven't done "anything wrong"... People change, find new interests, new loves. Maybe he has really found someone else, and doesn't want to hurt your feelings.
If you can, move on. Love hurts, and can be replaced eventually, with other loves. I know it's hard, cause I've "been there...done that" myself. Stop trying to contact him in any way. If he really loves you, he will contact you.
Meantime, be good to yourself, and keep hanging in there. You will eventually meet someone that both of you feel the same way; in love. He is out there; all you have to do is find him.

DJ 'H' · Nov 25, 2005, 07:42 AM

Well Damien is just a good friend - nothing more. I have a new boyfriend called Pete (and things are going really well by the way).

That's why I am confused. We are mates and have been for 9yrs - that's why I am not sure why he is ignoring me. I stopped trying to contact him a couple of months ago on the basis that if he wanted to talk to me he would have been in touch by now.

I am not letting it get me down - but I do miss his friendship and just don't understand.

DJ 'H' · Nov 25, 2005, 07:46 AM

Plus I agree about crankiebabie - is it really necessary to use fowl language?

nymphetamine · Nov 25, 2005, 07:54 AM

Im sorry everyone if I am cursing. I am in a bad mood and its not nice of me to be rude to people because of it. I'm very sorry.

DJ 'H' · Nov 25, 2005, 07:59 AM

No worries - just try not to take your moods out on us. We are all here to help one another!

JoeCanada76 · Nov 25, 2005, 07:59 AM

DJ 'H',

Long distance friendship. Does he know that you are going with somebody? Because even though you were such good friends maybe there was a lot more love there then you think? I know this might complicate your thinking but these are just my personal thoughts. Maybe he wanted more and new that it was not going to happen and just gave up? After 9 years of very close friendship it is very weird why he would act that way but it has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. It has to do with him being a chicken and not facing up to whatever is going on in his head. Just some thoughts. Please do not take his behaviour personally. You have tried to contact him and he has not made the effort of seeing you. I would try again and let him know how you feel hurt that he would act like that towards you after so many years of friendship. Maybe there is a lot unknown things that he is going through in his life that he feels he can not share with you right now. Try again, tell him you will always think of him as a friend but would like him to make an effort to keep intouch and then leave it alone. It is his turn.

Does any of this make sense to you or is it just babble?

Joe

DJ 'H' · Nov 25, 2005, 08:05 AM

I have always felt strongly about Damien - and wanted more with him. I told him how I felt once and he said I was very special to him but he could not offer me anything more than a friendship.

I said that being friends was absolutely cool with me. He is a good friend; some one I treasure dearly and would not want to lose at any cost.

Do you think perhaps that is the resason for his behaviour?

I don't think he does know I am going with someone else - unless he has read my friends reunited profile?

nymphetamine · Nov 25, 2005, 08:13 AM

Maybe that's it what you said. Why don't you break up with your boyfriend and go out with him? Why can't he be more than friends? Why do people want to just be friends? :confused:

DJ 'H' · Nov 25, 2005, 08:21 AM

Well I really really like Pete - and we are going really well. It has only been a month but I am really happy with him.

Damien has had 9yrs to make a move. The minute I did he turned me down. I don't think I would leave Pete.

All I want is to understand Damiens behaviour and try and get my firendship back with him.

nymphetamine · Nov 25, 2005, 08:25 AM

I can Totally understand that.

JoeCanada76 · Nov 25, 2005, 08:27 AM

DJ 'H'

After 9 years and so much closeness maybe he did not know how to react to you telling him that you felt more than friendship. Maybe he is afraid of commitment or losing such a close relationship if it went further and did not work out. That is always the risk.

DJ 'H' · Nov 25, 2005, 08:28 AM

Maybe I should just accept that he does not want my firendship anymore and let go?

DJ 'H' · Nov 25, 2005, 08:31 AM

I see what you are saying Jesushelper76 - and you are probably right. I did make it clear to him that I was only asking because if I didn't I would never know.

I told him I did not expect anything from him and that if he wanted us to be just close friends then I was happy with that.

I would rather be his friend than nothing at all - and if he was into someone else then I really would be happy for him. Sounds daft but that's how special he is to me.

I am with someone else; I just hope he is happy for me.

nymphetamine · Nov 25, 2005, 08:33 AM

Don't do that. You got to talk to the man again and get the truth out of him. Tell him you want his friend ship. If he don't get in touch with you then he lost a good friend.

DJ 'H' · Nov 25, 2005, 08:35 AM

What would you suggest is best - I send him a long letter - an email or a brief text message?

nymphetamine · Nov 25, 2005, 08:38 AM

Id send him an email cause it will get to him faster and you can put more words into it. Will his email alert him that he has a message from you. Mine does and sometimes it doesn't.

JoeCanada76 · Nov 25, 2005, 08:38 AM

If you could get intouch with him on the phone, live would be best because there would be less misunderstandings then on email or text.

nymphetamine · Nov 25, 2005, 08:40 AM

That's a good idea too. Yes.