[s_cianci]

You need to give yourself an attitude adjustment. You need to come to the realization that it's over between you. She broke up with you and it should have been no contact from the get-go, right then and there. No Facebook, no phone, no e-mail, no IM, nothing. Time to move on with your life. You've had 2 dates with a new girl and that's great. You need to be doing more of that sort of thing. Get out and socialize with your friends as well. That should make you feel a lot better and help you cope with the disappointment of your failed relationship.

[lacuran8626]

When you decided to commit to the 90 days, you were being logical and considering your long-term wellfare and feelings. You don't need a new girlfriend immediately - you probably need some time to hang out and have a nice time without that pressure, and to work through what went wrong with that relationship - what attributes of her were not right for you, and what mistakes you might want to avoid in the future. Learn from it and move on. Don't contact her any more - the writing is on the wall and she's not the one.

[Ash123]

Ok, thanks.

You listed your PROS and CONS below:

"1. We are both 24, and both in our second years of different 3 year grad school programs.

2. New Pros and Cons:

Pros: I am very physically attracted to her (she is really my type), she is very close with her family, she shares similar religious values, she has a similar level education, we both like animals, she is very caring, she makes me feel immensely happy, she has career aspirations but places other things (family, friends) before them.

Cons: She appears to be afraid of commitment, she has self-professed anger issues, she likely wants to move out of the city and closer to her family (in a rural setting), she gets jealous easily, she would rarely, if ever, make plans for the two of us, she is often not assertive enough, she was less affectionate than I was...."

------------------------

PROS: Ok, brace yourself. You cannot rewrite your list, so please read this evaluation carefully: Your pros are not coming from a soulful place: physical attraction, her values, a love of animals, her caring, her life/career priorities....

These are things that are attributes, but not a common life bond.



Cons: These things you listed are not fixable, or something you could solve, if all was perfect, with time and counseling. So, try to accept that....TIME will let you.

"Anger issues.."and a need to be closer to home, and not wanting to plan, or be assertive or be affectionate - are who she is....And just because you liked her does not mean that is enough....

All in all, she may have done you a favor buddy.

Hang in there and if you get just a little better each day you will be a lot better in many days!

Hope that helps!

[Suelle383]

Wait. It was your b-day and she didn't even bother to contact you and say "happy birthday"? Forget about her. You deserve better. Being a girl, myself, no matter what's happened in a relationship and even if I don't want to get back with someone, I would still call someone on their b-day. She's not worth your time or effort.

[sabtme]

You need to give yourself an attitude adjustment. You need to come to the realization that it's over between you. She broke up with you and it should have been no contact from the get-go, right then and there. No facebook, no phone, no e-mail, no IM, nothing. Time to move on with your life. You've had 2 dates with a new girl and that's great. You need to be doing more of that sort of thing. Get out and socialize with your friends as well. That should make you feel a lot better and help you cope with the disappointment of your failed relationship.

Thanks for your response. I know I need to take active steps (dates, time with friends, etc.) in order to feel better, but it's just been very difficult for me to do so.

[sabtme]

When you decided to commit to the 90 days, you were being logical and considering your long-term wellfare and feelings. You don't need a new girlfriend immediately - you probably need some time to hang out and have a nice time without that pressure, and to work through what went wrong with that relationship - what attributes of her were not right for you, and what mistakes you might want to avoid in the future. Learn from it and move on. Don't contact her any more - the writing is on the wall and she's not the one.

Thank you for responding. The writing is really on the wall, but I cannot seem to convince myself she really is done with me. I am not sure why I cannot make this small leap.

[sabtme]

Ok, thanks.

You listed your PROS and CONS below:

"1. We are both 24, and both in our second years of different 3 year grad school programs.

2. New Pros and Cons:

Pros: I am very physically attracted to her (she is really my type), she is very close with her family, she shares similar religious values, she has a similar level education, we both like animals, she is very caring, she makes me feel immensely happy, she has career aspirations but places other things (family, friends) before them.

Cons: She appears to be afraid of commitment, she has self-professed anger issues, she likely wants to move out of the city and closer to her family (in a rural setting), she gets jealous easily, she would rarely, if ever, make plans for the two of us, she is often not assertive enough, she was less affectionate than I was...."

------------------------

PROS: Ok, brace yourself. You cannot rewrite your list, so please read this evaluation carefully: Your pros are not coming from a soulful place: physical attraction, her values, a love of animals, her caring, her life/career priorities....

These are things that are attributes, but not a common life bond.



Cons: These things you listed are not fixable, or something you could solve, if all was perfect, with time and counseling. So, try to accept that....TIME will let you.

"Anger issues.."and a need to be closer to home, and not wanting to plan, or be assertive or be affectionate - are who she is....And just because you liked her does not mean that is enough....

All in all, she may have done you a favor buddy.

Hang in there and if you get just a little better each day you wil be a lot better in many days!!

Hope that helps!

Thanks for your analysis. I think you are very right about some of the things you noted from my pros/cons list, but that doesn't change the fact that after serious reflection and a considerable amount of time spent with her that I decided that I love her.

I will do my best to get a little better each day--thank you again.

[sabtme]

Wait. It was your b-day and she didn't even bother to contact you and say "happy birthday"?? Forget about her. You deserve better. Being a girl, myself, no matter what's happened in a relationship and even if I don't want to get back with someone, I would still call someone on their b-day. She's not worth your time or effort.

Yes, I am still sad/angry that she didn't acknowledge my birthday. That said, I had heard just before my birthday that she stopped talking with me because she was concerned that she was giving me the wrong impression. In that sense, it would be hard to fault her for not mentioning my birthday--but, like I said, it still made me sad.