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juliepann · Aug 28, 2007, 01:56 PM

I know this sounds crazy but my 17 year old son has a new girlfriend and she is 15 years old and has a 2 month old baby. He is very softhearted and he swears that he loves her and wants to be with her.He said that the baby's dad ran out on her and he wants to take care of the baby.:confused: He said he will do whatever it takes to see her and that I can't stop him. He says as soon as he is 18 he is going to marry her. He said he is just going to get a job and quit schoool so he can move in with her mom and pay rent .I am so confused. I don't know where I went wrong. I wanted him to graduate and have fun being a young man going to college. I don't know how to handle this. Please help!!

shygrneyzs · Aug 28, 2007, 02:11 PM

When he turns 18, he is an adult and she will still be a minor. He is not thinking very clearly. He is thinking he is the knight in shining armor, up on his white horse, coming to rescue her. Hopefully her mother will have more sense than to allow the scenario he plans.

You did not do anything wrong here. You raised your son the best you could, hoping he would be compassionate and caring, act responsible and be a good person. Well, he found his "purpose in life" in this girl and her baby. I do not agree with his plans at all. I think those plans are all well and good in fantasy but not in reality.

How old is the father of this baby? Is this girl's mother very sensible? Is the girl receiving any child support? Hopefully she is at least getting WIC for the baby. Your son really needs to sit down and do some calculations on what it costs to raise a family. Working minimum wage, not going to college, is not going to be enough to support three people. He will not even be able to pay rent and buy food and clothes and diapers and, you know the rest of the story.

You can talk to him untik you are blue in the face but he is not going to listen. As tough as this is, you will need to let him make his own life. Even though you can only see disaster, he will never agree to that. But you do not need to be there to pick up all the pieces either. He wants to be a man, be treated like a man, then he should take the duties and responsibilities that comes with the title. There is not much you can do, am sorry. Unless you can somehow get some sense into him from now until his 18th birthday. Besides - how does he think he is going to marry this girl? She cannot marry unless her mother signs permission for her to do so.

Don't you wish there was a boot camp we could send our teen children to sometimes? Something to wake them up and get the fog out of their brains?

I sincerely wish you the very best. There are miracles everyday - hoping for one for you!

juliepann · Aug 28, 2007, 02:37 PM

The girls mom is away on business all the time in different states and she stays with her moms lesbian girlfriend. Her mom doesn't really care what she does and she doesn't receive any child support from the father. He is only 16.

shygrneyzs · Aug 28, 2007, 02:42 PM

It gets worse as it goes along, doesn't it? I take it that the girl's father is no where in the picture either. You may well have to ride this situation out. Is there any adult male he trusts and respects that would talk to him?

RubyPitbull · Aug 28, 2007, 03:00 PM

This is very sad indeed. I agree shy, I think the best hope would be to find someone whom the boy respects and admires, and ask them to have a talk with them. That person needs to sit down with him, rationally lay out the expense involved and how he is jeopardizing his future. It would be good if it was a man that he knows who chose to drop out of school and get married young. Julie, the voice of experience may be the only voice of reason that your son will listen to.

Maybaby100 · Sep 12, 2007, 06:04 PM

Your son seems like a very kind and sweet person. However, when he becomes 18 she will still be a minor and that's illegal and he can get in trouble. You as a parent should tell him this. Also that entire quitting school thing, has to go. You need to talk to him, tell him he cannot ruin his future because of how much he loves a girl because however he will not be able to take care of the girl and her child without a job. Of course they have jobs that don't require a master education (Mc Donalds for example)But if he really wants to help this girl, 5 dollars an hour wouldn't effectively help her. But by going to school, getting an education and some skills, he would probably get a job where he makes maybe 60 dollars an hour would really help her. So it would be good if you or his father spoke with him and made him aware of all the sacrifices and the grand decision he is making. Bye and I hope this is helpful.

ScottGem · Sep 12, 2007, 06:13 PM

Whoa people! Lets not jump the gun on legalities here. The OP's son is saying he will marry the girl when he becomes 18. If her mom agrees to it and they do marry, then there is no illegality here. From the sound of it the son is level headed enough for that.

I agree that the best hope the OP has is finding someone the boy respects who can talk sense into him.

Fr_Chuck · Sep 12, 2007, 06:26 PM

First at 17 and soon 18 saying they can't will only make them want to more. If he is determined to do this, instead offer some plan that allows him to work part time and still go to college.

** but this is if the girls mother would even allow it,

And just pray they break up before all this happens.