[Jiser]

Just a thought when I was looking at this. Yes the further she asks for space the more we get pushed away, YES! So we should, we dumpees must take care of ourselves and enjoy our own lives. They want to go explore life? See other guys, Lol... If you wanted space you should have bought a ticket there! After a while in fact, they may even say Lets be friends or more. Too late, thanks but no thanks :P

[confused-a-lot]

I've seen it a lot on these boards. I am in the situation myself.
I hope to have input by all, regardless of the variation in your situation, this seems to be the central problem.

Can anyone explain this for all those searching this forum?

[Clough]

Sometimes people just need space apart from others in order to find who they are and to clear their heads for awhile, if they have been experiencing some things in their lives that are make it hard for them to think clearly as to what they want and who they are. Things can get pretty confusing sometimes with so much information happening these days. Some might even call it "chilling out" for awhile.

Everyone needs there own space. It is part of being human.

Just my opinion, based upon my own experience. I am hopeful that others will add what they think in terms of the question that you have asked.

[Jiser]

People need space to be themselves, with time to think. Time to grow and experience life, see what else is out there in different people, traveling, experiences etc, it is as simple as that.

[confused-a-lot]

More so to those searching these threads, what do those who are in a relationship with a person needing that space do? Obviously giving them space is the best thing to do. But how much? When do you approach them? etc...

And if they need space or a break from the relationship, it's surely sign of weakness in the relationship and at what point is the end inevitable?

I'm asking because this is something I wish I had of known a while back, and perhaps it can be passed on to someone else.

[Jiser]

Space is usually because feelings have died down, they are confused, met someone else, they want to be alone a while or you may have been just too much for the person. If a person needs space give it to them, respect it. If you have to rely on that person for your day to day happiness then get a life! You need one.

[Dennis777]

Hello

We all need our own time to relax and enjoy our own life. No matter how much we Love and care for another person we are our own person first and foremost. We need to grow on our own so we can grow with each other. One of the biggest problems new couples have is they feel like they need to spend every second they have with each other. At first its fun and exciting but when reality hits the let down can crush a relationship.

Hope this helps
Dennis777

[confused-a-lot]

I have a question on this scenerio:

A girlfriend took space in the relationship, not to break up but she needed time to question the relationship. While she was taking space and was confused, she wanted to kiss another guy, a friend of hers that liked her. She didn't however end up going through with it.
She then returns to her boyfriend after a week, and wants to continue the relationship. She explains the problem of confusion she had and how she wanted to kiss another man.

How should the boyfriend take this?
Is being confused about a relationship a valid reason to kiss someone else, even though she didn't do it? Should this be looked at as 'she wanted to' or 'she didn't'? Because I think both sides to this story have good points to argue.

My personal thought is that:
I have the hots for a few movie stars, but I don't want to do anything with them, because I have a loving girlfriend. To me, wanting to, is almost as bad as doing it.
And using the reason of confusion, I feel, is like saying she was drunk when she cheated, just an unstable state of mind. Which I think is not acceptable.

What are your thoughts?

[emopunk7]

It will always play in the back of your mind. She is very wrong in doing that. I would be so pissed off... How could anybody take someone back after that. I sure couldn't.

[chaos001]

She told you about it because she obviously feels bad about it. It's human nature to have thoughts about others, but you have to have a level of self control, which she expressed by not kissing the guy. She wants to have a relationship with you even after that, so instead of doubting her use this as an example of how much she would rather be with you than the other guy.

[emopunk7]

I guess that's true Chaos001... I'd say to try and see the good side. Second chances are there for a reason. If she does this again then something is really wrong. Just let it flow for now.

[confused-a-lot]

This is what I mean... It's a good thing she didn't, and a bad thing she wanted to.

Sure, attraction and thoughts of others is one thing but to want to do it is different.
While not doing it, shows she'd rather her boyfriend.

[Jiser]

She wants space? She should have gone out and sat in the middle of a field. Pack your bags, accept your losses and move on.

[Dennis777]

Hello

If we where hung every time we wanted to do something wrong and didn't we would all be in bad shape. I know I would. The fact she didn't shows she cares about herself and that's fantastic. She didn't let confusion take over. You should give her credit for being honest and for not doing it.

Anyone that says they never think or are tempted to do something with another person is lying or sexually dead. The key is do we just think about it or do we act on it.

Good Luck
Dennis777

[emopunk7]

She didn't have to tell him... She is better off lying! Nothing happened anyway... She should've said nothing because now they have problems over nothing... I hate when girls don't lie!

[talaniman]

Worrying about something that hasn't happened is not healthy.

[confused-a-lot]

I need to get this out, I'll try to keep it short, I hope someone can advise me.

I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years. She is 20 and I am 24.
We have been arguing a lot recently, and not long ago had a large argument ending in tears and confusion for both of us.

When ever I bring up something about how I'm feeling about the relationship, which have been the same things for a while, she gets very defensive and we will argue, in the end leaving me appologising and her upset with me, while I was the one upset in the first place.

I feel as though the relationship is suffering. I want more and I feel that she wants less.
I want more affection, sex, intimate times. We haven't had sex for over a month, but it's bigger than that, it's simple kissing and hugging and general affection.

I also feel that I'm not very involved in her life. Not that I want to be her life, just be a part of it. Such things like, I haven't met a lot of her friends, only 2 or 3, though she talks about them all the time. Or I don't get invited to her events, for example her friends birthdays and such.

I apparently bring these up quite a bit. Which she says pushes her away or feels less interested in doing it when I ask about it. The only reason I bring them up often is because nothing has changed. It is the same thing regardless of the time I give her, and feel I should say something.

She asks to be accepted for who she is, and I believe I'm doing so. I am just voicing my feelings.

Help? What should be done? Or how should I go about this?
I feel as though if I do one thing, it's wrong, if I do the other, it's wrong.
I need a win - win situation.

[Jiser]

Honest communication is best. Perhaps you should ask to sit down and say your views without her butting in and then for her to say hers. Maybe try getting involved? Plan a trip away or some new exciting things to do together.

[GlindaofOz]

Keeping your emotions bottled up is a ticking time bomb in a relationship what you are doing is right.

Is it possible your girlfriend is feeling that every time you say what you want that she is taking it as "you are a bad girlfriend why should I even have to ask for these things?". My guess is that's probably the case. She is a 20 year old girl who is having a hard time accepting that relationships take work and is taking any sign of work as a flaw in her ability to be a good girlfriend or competent in a relationship.

I would talk to her and say this has nothing to do with you, you are a great girlfriend and I love you but relationships cannot coast they require maintenance and work. I love you and want to see you more. Try it from this angle and see how it flows.

The problem is that men and women communicate differently. Men don't communicate how women do or how women would prefer them to do which is where the problems come in. Women go into full out panic mode when they misread their partner. She may think that any "complaint" you have means you are ready to walk away.

[confused-a-lot]

Thanks!

Glinda, I think you are right with this, and that was my thought too.
It seems every time I say anything remotely negative about the relationship, she takes it very personal. In turn she feels hurt and depressed about not being good enough or that I might not want this any more. Fact is, it is quite the opposite, she makes a great girlfriend, and I very much want this relationship.

I'm finding it really hard. If I do say anything, I end up appologising for hurting her and feel guilty for saying anything. But if I don't say it, I bottle things up and things continue down the same track of not good.