[infoneeded]

I have a very difficult question about a very difficult situation I am actually facing. It is a horror to us so I would appreciate clear and educated comments only please. My situation is this. My 14 yr old son was arrested and charged for sexual misconduct. He also perpetrated his younger sister. I am being forced to pay for the probation and child support of him while the state holds him in a therapy group. Because both children involved are mine I am being held responsible for all fees. Though my Daughter and I did nothing wrong. The state wants a large amount every month upwards of almost my rent payment and I am a single mother. I was told by the probation department the only way to avoid this child support is to relinquish my parental rights to my Son. Please someone with actual law experience respond. I really need to survive this.

Thank you

[GV70]

Do you know what "relinquish my parental rights to my Son" mean?
Where do yo live?Many states allow voluntary relinquish of rights but not of obligations.

[infoneeded]

The probation Department is saying this is what to do. This is where I need the advice. Do you have experience with this?

[GV70]

Maybe... for my experience you can see my profile page.
First-The Probation Department may say all-including kill your son and you will be never obligated to him.If you voluntary terminate your rights that means you will never see your son again, he will be placed for adoption / but he is too old to be adopted/ and he will spend next 4 years in foster care or in orphanages.Is that you want?

[GV70]

We all made,make and will make mistakes.
Your son has to have his second chance. Please-do not exchange him for avoiding of CS.
Yes-you are right-he made his mistake,you have rights to ask for relieving on the ground unstable psychologicaly family life.Maybe you will be grant with relinquish of your rights-your son molested sexually his younger sister... But is that the way... :confused: :(

[ScottGem]

Let me try and get this straight. Your son is being held for sexually molesting multiple girls, one of them his younger sister? The state is requiring that you contribute to his care while in custody. They are telling you, that you can get out of this by relinquishing all rights to him.

So what is your question? Are you asking if what the probation dept said is true? I doubt if they would lie about something like this and it does make sense. Are you asking what relinquishment means? GV answered that. Are you asking whether you should do this or not? That is a question only you can answer in your heart. If you want to know what we would suggest doing, I would want to know more details about what he actually did. For example, you said perpetrated, did you mean penetrated? How old is the sister? What did he do to these other girl(s) and how were they? Were they willing participants or not?

I know it may be painful to relate these details, but that's the advantage of the anonymity of a site like this. But if you want further advice, we are going to need the facts.

[Fr_Chuck]

As I noted in private mail, I am not here to tell you what is best to do for your son or daughter,

And as I asked where is the father in all of this, since he should be liable for 1/2 of the support of the son while in this place.

I would not want the son back into the home, so unless the father or another family member was willing to take him latter I don't see where this is not as good as option as there is.

[excon]

Hello info:

I gather that there's the state and there's your family with no intervening individual. He/YOU need an attorney.

Let me say that again, YOU AND YOUR SON NEED AN ATTORNEY. Anything else is futile.

excon

[infoneeded]

Thank you everyone for all the concern advice and questions to further understand. Let me address most of them here. My son was a participant as far as we can tell with some children in our surrounding neighborhood. Because of his age at the time which was 13 and their age at the time which was younger. He was held as the responsible party and charged as the responsible party in theses questionable acts. The actual act was described by reports and court testimony as touching and asking to be touched. No penetration. They were all boys by the way. His version is it was more like boys goofing off and playing. Most children know this behavior is wrong but do they know it is seen as molestation or a felony by the court? Do parents tell them this or do they usually if anything warn them to help protect them from adult Perps out there? So these boys and my son decide they are going to play this way. One tells and the entire thing lands on his shoulders. More than a year later we learn he attempted to play like this with his sister. No penetrations in either example. He was troubled by a bad violent relationship with his father that none of us were aware of. He did not always live with me.

I am not sure what to do with the Child support that they are requesting. It is ridiculous given what I make. In addition to supporting another child. I am struggling with them because they will not reduce it or listen to reason. And we are at the point where they are going to garnish my wages to produce it. This will send me into being homeless within the first paycheck that is garnished. I wish I could afford an attorney. I have contacted many of them I just cannot pay what they want to help me show the state that I do not make as much as they say I do.

What I want for my son is to get help. He is in a therapeutic group home for that. I do not want him back in my home with my daughter there. Her safety will outweigh his needs. If he is allowed to come home before the age of 18 he will go with my father.

His father is not in the picture and really should not be given what we know about him now. He cannot be trusted. We do not know if the abuse my son has had to suffer involved molestation along with violence or not. This is what the therapy should uncover. These situations are very difficult and also very complicated. There are tons of resources and help for the victims and nothing for the families. Though there is nothing that we did wrong. I am just trapped in a loop right now.

[s_cianci]

I think the probation department is misinforming you about the whole relinquishing your parental rights to your son thing. They do not have the authority to order such a thing, only the court can order that. And it's not likely that any court would take such a drastic step before exhausting all other options. Was a hearing held to determine an appropriate amount of child support? Usually child support amounts are based on the paying parent's income. That said, you should not be paying an amount that's beyond your means. You may want to contact an attorney and file a motion for a modification of the support order. You should also seek to determine what exactly are the conditions of his being placed in this "therapy group" and establish visitation schedules and timelines for his release. Was he actually tried and convicted of sexual misconduct? If not, then they cannot continue to hold him, in a "therapy group" or any other type of incarceration. You might want to explore an alternative sentence such as probation. He can still receive therapy and counseling even while on probation.

[s_cianci]

What I want for my son is to get help. He is in a therapeutic group home for that. I do not want him back in my home with my daughter there. Her safety will outweigh his needs. If he is allowed to come home before the age of 18 he will go with my father.

Not to play devil's advocate but you may want to lighten up a little here. Based on reading this post it sounds like your son was involved in simple experimentation and it is not unheard of for young adolescents to experiment in this manner. Personally I think it's fairly harmless. Because your son was older than the other "victims" he was held responsible and for whatever reason (probably because you did not have a good attorney representing him), they decided to make an example out of him and throw the whole letter of the law at him. That's why it's imperative that you now get a good lawyer, even if you have to beg, borrow and sell your soul to afford it, to address all of the various issues confronting you, such as child support and insuring that your son receives overall due process, which it doesn't sound like has happened so far. Others may disagree with me but the system will take advantage of someone without competent representation and it sounds like that's what's happening to you and your son. I agree that your son needs counseling and therapy to deal with the violence and abuse he suffered at the hands of his father but that's a separate issue.

[infoneeded]

This is all sound advice you have provided. I have explored all of these options with the exception of getting an attorney, as I thus far cannot afford one. I did however just talk with a rep on getting possible paralegal help to file that motion on modification at a reduced rate. This could be the answer I needed.

We have been told that the probation department and the judge make the call on where he is placed. I believe we could do a better job with him at home for sure. Even if he is with my father as placement. They have him on a therapy schedule that is once maybe twice a month. He has been there at this facility 365 days now. So his actual therapy of 1 hour at that interval is about 18 hours of actual therapy. We offered for him to be placed with my father. We offered for him to be in an accelerated therapy supplemented by my insurance for 60 sessions with just a co-pay. And it would be 2-3 times a week, totaling in 365 days 156 hours of therapy. Some paid by insurance and some paid by us. My Father has a similar insurance benefit. If he was supporting him he could receive another 60 sessions of therapy. I don’t think he would learn to steel or do drugs while living with my father, he has learned so much negative and self destructive behavior from his house mates. It is really unbelievable that they will not release him to us even on house arrest. I had opted a few police officer and fireman friends of ours to be employed by me to supervise him during my fathers work day and after school, and also to mentor him during the weekend. Should my father need to do the grocery shopping or pay a bill, this would allow further help. This should have provided ample example that I took this seriously and wanted proper supervision for him and that we had a solid plan. They declined.

I am continuing to work on getting a modification. I just hope it comes in time.

[GV70]

I was told by the probation department the only way to avoid this child support is to relinquish my parental rights to my Son. Thank you

If there is a court order/decision/-you CANNOT ask for modification and maybe the probation department was right.You have to appeal.

[GV70]

I mean Juvenile Court sentence.
We have to answer you without enough information.Look at the papers-what 's written there

[ScottGem]

Comments on this post
cpalmist disagrees: Felt like it was a hostage situation from the questions - quick! Confess before the electrical cords come out

First may I call your attention to the guidelines on using the comments feature found here:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedba...ure-24951.html

Since, my response was not incorrect in its facts, your giving me a negative rating was uncalled for. Especially since you offered no advice for the OP. I believe this was in retaliation for a negative comment I gave on an answer of yours that WAS factually incorrect.

I would much rather ask for more info then give a guess based on insufficient info.

To infoneeded:
I agree that this appears to be fairly normal adolescent exploration. It would seem that someone is overreacting. But that really doesn't help your situation. Unfortunately I'm not sure what I can add that might help. What does his therapist say? Has he shown understanding that what he did was unacceptable? I think he would be better in a home environment with ourside professional help. But the only way I see that happeneing is by gattiong an attorney to protect your rights.

[infoneeded]

All of the answers help. Again thank you everyone. I have had a wide range of responses. The majority points to a true understanding of our situation with all good advice so far and that is helpful.

My first course of action is to continue to work on getting a modification. I can then continue to approach the Probation department. His PO's supervisor seems to have a lever head on her shoulders and does understand that it is better for them to be with family.

[excon]

with the exception of getting an attorney, as I thus far cannot afford one. I did however just talk with a rep on getting possible paralegal help

Hello again:

May I suggest that you REALLY don't want to help. You want to LOOK like you're trying to help. Have you ever SHOPPED for a lawyer, or did you just decide that you can't afford one?? In my experience you CAN find one who will take payments!!

A paralegal is the DUMBEST thing you could do.

If you came to us with a serious medical problem, I wouldn't tell you to take care of it yourself, even if you DIDN'T have the money.

excon

PS> I don't care what your son DID. He's in trouble. I care what YOU'RE going to do!

[GV70]

Hello again:

May I suggest that you REALLY don't want to help. You want to LOOK like you're trying to help. Have you ever SHOPPED for a lawyer, or did you just decide that you can't afford one?????? In my experience you CAN find one who will take payments!!!!

A paralegal is the DUMBEST thing you could do.

If you came to us with a serious medical problem, I wouldn't tell you to take care of it yourself, even if you DIDN'T have the money.

excon

PS> I don't care what your son DID. He's in trouble. I care what YOU'RE going to do!

Maybe you are right!!

...I was told by the probation department the only way to avoid this child support is to relinquish my parental rights to my Son...
...I do not want him back in my home ...