[Jay16]

Hello
My ex-girlfriend left me when she was pregnant with my child 12 years ago. I just located her after all this years of no contact whatsoever. She got married about 10 years ago. My son was not adopted by the step father to my knowledge. Even thou I would love to meet my son, I have to think about the welfare of my own family since I'm married with 3 kids. Before I contact her, could you please let me know what could be the worst case scenario in terms of possible child support or any other financial matters?
Thank you

[macksmom]

Are you on the birth certificate?

[Jay16]

Hi Macksmom

The answer is NO for certain.

[macksmom]

Well as of this moment then, you have no parental rights as of now.

I am sadden that you might possibly not meet your son because you might be asked to pay child support... I do hope you change your mind.

But anything can really happen... I mean you both have moved on with your lives... both are married etc. Things may be as simple as you getting in touch with her and asking to meet your son and her agreeing.

But it may get very messy as well. Since you are not on the birth certificate she (the mother) can deny you seeing your son. In this case you would need to get an attorney, file for a paternity test, be added to the birth certificate, and get visitation rights. She may very well at that time, file for child support, which will be back-dated to the day the child was born.

Hope that helps a bit.

[Jay16]

That's a very tough decision. As much as I would love to meet my son, I'm still very worried with the outcome which could possibly end my own marriage due to possible financial struggle.

[macksmom]

Does your wife know you have another child?

[Jay16]

I told her at the beginning of our dating. But I haven't told her that I was searching for my son and she doesn't know that I found him. She doesn't like her life to be desrupted in any form, so I decided not to mention it since there is a chance that I will never make that call.:(

[ScottGem]

While I agree somewhat where Macksmom is coming from that it's a shame you may not get to know your son, there is legal issue here. Since you are NOT on the because, after 12 years, you may not have any rights as the parent. You may not even be able to force a paternity test at this point. On the other hand, it is possible that she could get the courts to hit you with 12 years of back child suport.

You NEED to consult an attorney to advise you here. There are too many legal issues for us to be of much help.

[Jay16]

I think I will tell my wife about it so we can make a decision together.

[macksmom]

True... with it being so long it might be a little too late. If when she got married she could have wanted her husband to adopt the child. Since you are not on the birth certificate, and you said you haven't had contact in 12 years... she could have easily notified papers of her intent to have the child adopted... and when there was no response she would have been able to go along with the adoption. If that is the case, unfortuantely there is not much you can do.

But with the huge time lapse and attorney would be your best bet... but I think you already know what you're going to do... :(

[Jay16]

I know what I would like to do, but my wife wouldn't go for it.

But let me fantasize for a sec.:)
Assuming I call her. She doesn't request support and somehow she allows me to see my son. Could my son, assuming he wanted to do it, after he turns 18, request my name to added to the B/C(which would be a blessing)?

[macksmom]

It would be good to discuss the issue with your wife, however, if you find out you do still have the right to request a paternity test, and to see your son I would not let child support be your deciding factor. You need to think about when you son is older, and maybe his mom will tell him about you... if he comes looking for you and finds you, as you did him, do you want him to know you found him and chose not to see him because you didn't want to pay child support?

This is your son... I hope everything works out.

[macksmom]

I would assume he could have you added once paternity was established... you would both have to have a DNA test and you could take the results to have the birth certificate corrected. I ASSUME this would be the case.

[Jay16]

Child support is only an isssue that could affect my wife in a very negative way. As for me, even thou I haven't even met my son, I would give my right arm for him to know that I'm his father, and a father that cares for him.

[Jay16]

Macksmom, thanks for been in there. It's great to have feedback from a nice woman like you. This is a very emocional matter that sometimes only women can grasp the entire scope.

[macksmom]

No prob :)
I do understand where you are coming from as far as not wanting to cause problems in you marriage... but as your wife, she should understand the importance of the father-son relationship, and should want that for you. :)

[GV70]

I am FOR father-child relationship but I cannot immagine what will happen if the judge says"Pay retroactive child support"-it will be 24 months of his income and it would destroy all.

[Jay16]

What are you doing?:) I'm starting to get convinced by you.:D
I think a possible very positive outcome far outweights any financial obligations. Thanks

[Jay16]

Jee... JV just punched me back down:(

[ScottGem]

The possibility does exist for back child support. Especially for the tome from birth to her marriage. But I think its remote. She ran away from you. She made no attempt to contact you, If she was on public assistance they would have forced her to contact you for support.

On the other hand I think she wants nothing to do with you. And will not welcome your intrusion into her life or your sons.