Check out some similar questions!

jason79 · Aug 20, 2007, 02:21 AM

Ive just come across this ite and am looking for any advice from anyone with some experience to help me through this matter.

I have been dating a beautiful girl for over 3 years now. We first met ata hotel where we worked and well she and I both played a bithard toget in the beginning but adventually I got her and the relationship has grown in a great couple. Im 27 she's 22 both mature.

I love er completely and thought she did toalthoug she is more reservd than me, Im not clingy and if anything she is the one with not a lot of friends although she attends university she doesntseem to put herself out there although she isa stunning girl. First couple of years wereamazing so I thought but she always seemed to be well its hard to say she was very interested and always wanted to see me but the factor of a life long relationship well she seemed to be funny about that. Im not sure if it was that she was not interested in that or that she thought I wasn't and didn't want to push it... she did menion once that I may not be the one, and I feel ashamed of myself now for not standing up to her when she said that. Although I questioned her she said I'm not sure what I want with us yet... (SUCKER I WAS)

Although we stayed together, I decided to get myself busy and got involed with the loca; c;ub and did some volunteering work as my sister advised me that maybe you just need to get busier and give her less. Well I thought about it and decided the first 12 months she wasso keen and I was always busy and well what do you know 6 months later and we had been together 2 and a half years and she says I feel so great about you Maybe we can get engaged some time and she was talking about kids in the future...

Everything seemed fine and I started to give hersom more of my time and then to my surprise she wanted a break out of knowhere stating she didn't love me emotionally but was stiill in love but not emotionally. I was devastated. We had abreak for 2 weeks and then she rang and we got back together we didn't really talk about anything though wewere just back on. 1 month later she says to me I haven't felt this good in a long time I love you lots.

Well I thoughteverything was going fine. Then she 3 months have gome by and she just pulls out I thinki beed a break to work on myself and not be so dependent you have been my whole life sine I was 19 and I need tosurvive on my own.

Iasked her well first got upset and then I said was I the one she wanted to marry and she said I don't know abd I should no if you are the one by now . She said over 3 years I should just know that I want to be with you forever but I'm not sure if my love that I feel is what I should feel for someone forever. She went on to say Imnot happy all the time and I should be. I tried to questio her about when she was unhappy and she said well I not sure just sometimnes I come around and I think what am I doing here...

She then said Im so confused I don't know m she said your such a great boyfriend and anyone would be lucky to have a guy lik you, but you deserve better than to be with me who is so up and down, youshouldbe with someone who knows what they want...

I so upset whatdo I do is she gone what do those lines mean, why would she say I'm so great and eant a break... anyone KNOW

buzzman · Aug 20, 2007, 02:47 AM

First off, could you see yourself getting married at 22? Because that is where you need to put her perspective. Five years is not that great deal of a difference in age when you are in your late twenties and up, but they are significant in you're late teens/early twenties. The freedom of leaving home is still very new and liberating. You have not gained enough experience to know and appreciate a great partner unless you have lived as an adult for a while. This could be a blessing in disguise. Make sure you're motivation for marriage is for her happiness and hers for yours. Because you will save yourself MUCH grief in the future. I know more people in they're late 30's, 40s and 50s that grow to hate each other, but are scared to leave because of financial indepenance or because of children. That is no life. Things are easier when you are younger because you still have choices. Younger people are generally more honest with each other because the assets are not large and there is less to lose. Also remember, beauty fades, stupid stays. After you get older, you're looks go away. You need something there other than looks to keep you together.
Sometimes when you love someone, you have to be willing to let them go. It takes two people to make a relationship work. Otherwise you will beat your head against a brick wall and no one deserves that. I've had a friend and a cousin that broke up much the way you did. Years later they caught up with each other and realized what they had. They married immediately because they had some life experiences to compare what they had when they were younger. You don't want a wife that is always wondering what it would have been like if she'd been with Mr. "X", "Y" or "Z"... because it would be only a matter of time before she acted on that emotion, and you do not want to be 40 with three great kids when it happens. I hope this helps.

jason79 · Aug 20, 2007, 04:07 AM

I don't think she wouldever cheat. But she said she needs to know the person who she sopends her life with is the one that she totallly loves and she sais she should know that by now. She has been out of home 4 years... She has not got a lot of relationship experience but she said to me if she doesn't stay with me the next guy she is with will be the one she wants to marry.

jason79 · Aug 20, 2007, 04:07 AM

I miss her a lot. She is very smart and talented. She is the one that brougfht up getting engaged a year ago... Oce we were together after 6 months she aid you better ask me to get married by the time I'm 21

buzzman · Aug 20, 2007, 04:54 AM

Originally Posted by jason79

I miss her alot. She is very smart and talented. She is the one that brougfht up getting engaged a year ago... Oce we were together after 6 months she aid you better ask me to get married by the time im 21

Emotions are like a fart in a windstorm (Pardon the expression). Use your head and not your heart my friend. You will then make the right choice. I know it seems like you could freak out at the thought of her being with anyone else, but you yourself have already seen what a little distance from each other can do when you let her think on her own. Give her the space she wants, but then don't dote about it. Move on, if it is meant to be, YOU WILL get back together and no doubt get married.

talaniman · Aug 20, 2007, 05:40 AM

She has asked for space, so give it to her, and as hard as it will be that's the best course of action for you both. You are ready for the next level in this relationship, and she is not. Very simple. Will she be? Who knows at this point. Leave her alone, and let her deal with her own thoughts, without pressure from you, and go back to your life before her. You can read the threads here on this forum, for insights in to break ups, and see that healing and accepting, she is gone will put you on a good path to move on, and find your own happiness in life. You will also see that you are not alone, having to adjust to being single and heartbroken. Time will heal the hurt, and you will be much better for the experience. Doesn't seem like it now, but it will happen.