[diya]

My gut feel is that he actually isn't ready. Relationships are sometimes just like deciding to have a baby... like you're sometimes you're not mentally prepared to have one, but it just happens. And when it happens, instead of making u feel happy, it drains you completely.. IF you're not mentally prepared. Same goes for relationships... it's lot of hard work and if one of the parties is more emotionally involved than the other, it chokes... that is what happened here. I suggest... u keep this thought of winning him over on the back burner... Time will help you... keep looking ahead for the time being... this is the best recourse u can adopt.

[talaniman]

Instead of waiting for some to be ready, I would suggest you live your life, and let him deal with his own issues without any pressure from you. Be happy by doing the things you enjoy and the people you enjoy being with. Life is to short to be waiting for some one else to be ready for what you want.

[sully123]

Ok, some people know my situation, my boyfriend broke up with me a month ago, haven't talked in over two weeks. I do miss him terrible. We are both in our 50's, dated for like 2 1/2 yrs. Says he can't give me what I want, or doesn't know if he can. I have been very strong by not contacting him, its killing me inside. My last contact was as I said two weeks ago. But what hurts me we have mutual friends, they introduced us, a couple and daughter, they spend all the time on the weekend with him. She works with me, and her husband works with him.. It hurts.. her daughter was talking about it this morning at my job, I over heard it.. Sometimes I feel her mom isn't even my friend.. I couldn't do that to her, even know I know they were friends before me all of them. Its camp time now at our school so mom and daughter are there. It breaks my heart. TO think my ex boyfriend is going out boating every weekend, he has a boat. I am not jealous by no means, but then I wonder is he even thinking of me... here I am miserable at home. Never knew what I did to hurt him, he told my so called friend that I nagged him, he never told me that. That he didn't miss me but he thought of me.. But then when her husband said that she could give me the things back I left at his house, my ex boyfriend, told him he wasn't done, not ready yet. I wonder, he hasn't called.. The very last time I talked to him, he said he might call me during that week, that never happened. How can a boyfriend just turn it off, and not even be sorry for what he did.. He is stubborn, that I know. But I always thought he had that respect for me but I guess I was wrong.. Should I give up will he ever come to his senses, is he thinking about me, or is it over, it breaks my heart.. This is the first time I have never gave in anymore... please help... sad...

[MissingHim2Much]

I'm so sorry I don't have any answers for you hon. I'm in the same boat you are my boyfriend of 7 years left me 3 weeks ago. I'm in a lot of pain also. I haven't contacted him since the day after he left. Absolutely no contact. I still hope he comes to his senses. We had a wonderful relationship. Our only dfference is I'm older then he is but that was never a problem. The attraction was always there. I have had some really good advice on this site. They have told me that he will probably realize what a mistake he's made giving up a good, loving and stable relationship. So I'm hangin in there hoping he does realize this soon. I hope you can hang in there too. And remember lots of people are in a lot of pain also so please don't feel alone... your not

[sully123]

Some know my boyfriend broke up with me a little over a month ago. WE went together a little over two years. He says he can't give me what I want, and doesn't know if he can ever give me what I want. I am simple and he is more simpler. He has changed over the past year,and he wasn't emotinally available for awhile now, and its hurt me and this is part of the problem.. he is going through a lot, with having to sell his house because the mortgage is too high. His mom died a couple of years ago.. I thought I stood behind him. Tried talking to him two weeks ago after we broke up, but as he said doesn't know if he can give me what I want. Haven't heard a word, and its breaking my heart. I was thinking about talking to him again, and asking him if we can have a second chance and work things out.. I don't know what to do, people say make no contact, but he is stubborn and he knows that, that's just his nature... not all the time.. but for now he is.. do I go to him or is it better when I stay away. Does he not care if he isn't callling me, and take that as a bad sign, or do I go and talk to him about a second chance.. then I am afraid, don't know what to do... please help

[mckenzie134]

Do nothing! Absolutely nothing. Talking to him is what your heart is wanting but this will not change his mind. Do not let him fill you full of rubbish about how he cannot give you what you wantm this is a line for I don't want you! That's the truth I'm sorry to say an easy way out. If he is to come back the only reason ewill be because he realises you mean a lot to him and he wants you bacj=k in hs life.

[MissingHim2Much]

Hi sully,

I think if you contact him now you will blow any chance of him wanting you back. I've heard enough people on this forum say that their ex's came back only after no contact. That's what I'm doing but now I realize that I need the no contact for me. And if he comes back ( If its not to late ) then that's a bonus. But I know if I contact him he won't figure out he misses me.

[talaniman]

I've read all your other posts and feel your pain. I honestly think you should be leaving him alone at this time, and start moving on with your life. He is not ready for a relationship with you, and you should accept it, and move on. No contact will not bring him back, that's up to him, and only him, so forget false hope, and let the no contact help you get over the hurt and pain, so YOU can move on, and find your own happiness. It will take time, and it isn't easy, but do this for yourself. Good luck, and I'm sorry for your loss.

[GlindaofOz]

He has told you he cannot give you what you want and never will be able to. That's a pretty big statement on his part and a pretty honest one at that. Why are you not listening to what he has said to you? Men are pretty simple they say what they mean and they mean what they say. They do not encode their words the way that women do. He is telling you he is not for and its time to move on. I know its hard to believe but that's the truth.

Leave him alone and try to start moving on with your life. No contact is not for getting that person back its for you to help you heal. You cannot heal when you have a constant communication line with your ex. Believe me 3 months from now you will feel much different.

[diya]

Hey second chances rarely work... only if both ends are willing and that too after a lot of hard work and communication. In your case, it may sound bitter, but it may not work simply because this guy isn't ready and you definitely can't get him into it. So best option is to let time tell what holds for you... as of today, this guy has gone from your life... you run after him.. he'll run further away... your choice!

[sully123]

I am feeling very down today, as some people know I have been broken up from my boyfriend about five weeks, no contact in three weeks, trying to be strong. But yesterday reading all my answers I felt so discouraged. I am more bummed out than ever now. I thought by no contact they would think about coming back, but from everyone's opinion, it seemed like it's just for me to heal and go on with my life. It's easier said than done.. some people can brush it off, and go on it's easy for them. I am one of the individuals that take a person really too heart. So I guess some people don't get second chances. Everything I have read by No Contact I thought they would miss you more.. I thought their was some hope.. but now I don't feel the same.. am I wrong?

[4answers]

[QUOTE=sully123] I am one of the individuals that take a person really too heart. /QUOTE]


You are no different to anyone else ! We all take it to heart. You have to risk the hurt to risk the love... That is part of life. You still have an emotional connection to this person. NC will allow that connection to go... you to heal and be happy again.

Problems in a relationship need to be solved whilst in a relationship, not after the end. NC for the dumper might mean that they miss the time of being with you and may look more favourable to a reconsilation... But they left because they were unhappy. Might not have been any fault on your part, you may want different things, you may just not be compatible.

But you now need to remember this: Before you knew this person you were healthy and whole, you did not miss them because you did not know them. You are now single and you do not know your next love, you will not miss your next love because you do not yet know them. Once you do, it will then be them you miss...

[sully123]

I have been broken up with my boyfriend for five weeks now, and I talked to him three weeks ago at his house, after the break-up.Says he can't give me what I want and doesn't know if he ever can, he said he just doesn't know. I don't ask for much. Well last night I left him a message saying it was me, around 7 pm on Friday night, and said hope your doing OK and said I miss talking to you.. all right.. and good-bye. Did I blow it, we were together for 2 1/2 yrs... I had been so strong with the NC... and didn't hear a word.. Did I do wrong... please help

[Clough]

I think that it would be best that if you are seeking out a relationship with someone, that you seek out someone else. He obviously isn't interested. If he was, then he would be responding to you and also trying to contact you.

You can play the games with your mind and heart all that you want. That is your choice. But, the writing seems to be on the wall.

Why do you want to keep beating yourself up and dragging yourself over the coals? There are plenty of fish in the sea. If having a relationship with someone is one of the things that you seek, then you will find another. I know that there are plenty of men who also seek out relationships with women. You just go to the kinds of places where you might catch up with them.

You are a strong person. You can move on with your life.

After having many failed relationships myself, and then moving on with my life, that is my opinion, anyway.

[s_cianci]

It sounds like he's made up his mind and is moving on. You need to do the same. Don't call or contact him anymore.

[chuff]

Well, you've gone 3 weeks so now you know you can do that and go for six. Once you get to that point it should be easier. Just keep moving forward.

[talaniman]

If you would stop dangling on the fence, and make up your mind to get over him, it will be easier not to contact him again. Your still harboring hope he will change his mind, and take you back. Understandable, but please get over him, and that is what no contact is about. Are you doing the things necessary for no contact to work? Such as building a life that you enjoy without him, with family and friends and hobbies, and work. Or are you sitting on a pity pot, pining away for some little morsel of his attention??

[sully123]

Some know, boyfriend broke up six weeks ago with me, hadn't had contact in three weeks. Ok, don't know if I was wrong but broke down and went to talk to him at his house. We talked for about 1/2 hour. He told me our mutual friends, that introduced us was coming over to go boating with him. The wife I work with and her husband is his best friend and their daughter and some of her friends.He sid he wanted to give me head's up because I told him in the past I don't want them knowing my business anymore.. He said it was up to me to stay or leave. Jokingly I said why can't I go, he laughed. We talked a little longer, he was pleasant, but very stressed. His house is up for sale and he has to sell it, because he can no longer keep the mortgage up, its too high. He's upset, because the house across the street sold, and the one on the other side sold. I ASKED HIM IF HE WAS STRESSED, AND HE SAID WHAT DO U THINK? During the conversation he said why don't I call u tonight which was Sunday night. Me being impatient couldn't wait and called him that night, and he was on the other line and asked if he could call me back.. I said sure, well he did call back, but he is emotionally dead inside, I asked him how is boat ride was and he said relaxing, and we talked mainly about both of our works, tried to keep it light, no pressure. I ended the conversation and said I guess your tired and he said I am beat.I said good night and he said bye. He has clinical depression and sometimes he is a hard nut to crack. I know the other side of him, his friends don't see it, I do.. Why we broke up was he couldn't give me what I want, he says, and I don't ask for much, weeks ago.. He isn't able to deal with his house and me, and I am sure he says its not me its him and that;s probably why he ended it, or maybe he just does't want to be with me, but his depression has a lot to do with it.. But I don't understand sometimes. I tried calling him two nights after this, when we talked Sunday night, because I am worried about him, but he hasn't returned my phone call, left a kind message. Is it me or the clinical depression why he has walked away, or do I try and be his friend.. do I call him again, to see if he is OK.. don't know what's right. We are grown adults in our 50's... hurting..

[rol]

You need to let him go and work through his problems.. alone..

Don't contact him , work on yourself and why you are attracted to a depressed guy.

[SAB123]

I would leave him alone and move on, as rol said he needs to work out his issues. For you, you need to heal and find a new life without him.