[Menace]

Just 2 let you know I'm a white 9 year old male.



Yo Check it out y'all check it out you check it out you check it out yo look you think you so gangsta but you not you keep on starin at me you going get shot.U say you sell dope but I can see you tired of doing all this reading you so stupid your eyes skim the page but always miss the meaning. I'm trying 2 stay out of trouble trying 2 get clean maybe just a smidgen I use ghetto soap also known as pidgeon.I'm like a shot clock,interstate cop and a blood clot my point is yo flow gets stopped. You big now but u 'bout 2 get cut down smaller than Oprah Winfrey dropping 200 pounds.Fast?Son that ain't fast I'm raising faster than the price of gas.Don't be dumb and try 2 take my gun because when I have it I ain't fun.The elite force like army rangers and navy seals I kick it operatic 'til the fat lady squels your lyrics are stuffing now I know how gravy feels I say you stupid because you spittin' up some baby meals.

[rawpotatoeater37]

So... where are they?

[Menace]

Where r what?

[rawpotatoeater37]

never mind. It hadn't been showing up.

Well, even though I'm not a big fan of rap music, I'd say you have some interesting lines in there. But then there are others that are a little... well... I think your goal should be to tie the imagery together more. Instead of bringing up all these fairly random ideas (Oprah winfrey and pigeons [although good job rhyming with pigeon haha]), stick to a main theme or tie it all together somehow. You want people to think of your lyrics as profound and meaningful, not random.

And you might want to take out a "check it out ya'll". We got the idea.

Other than that, power to you, Menace.

[Menace]

Well you thanks but your thinking of raping (which I also am working on) freestyle rap battles are about dissing your opponent.

[rawpotatoeater37]

Oh well in that case you're good. I guess.

I still think it all needs to tie back together though. But it's cool. It's your career.

[Menace]

Yo just 2 let you know I'm a 9 year old white boy who loves 2 rap.I don't live the "thug life" (I wish I did though.) Ya I'm white just listen anyway.-MenaceIt starts under this.
Song title:straight out of grade school.This is shorter version you can see long version once I put it on here.This is by Menace and Thug-G (not a member on this)


Straight out of grade school Djay is da name and I'm here to bring da pain,bring da rain. Dang I don't slang or bang I just smoke Mutha as like it ain't no thang.And if I join a school gangI don't know if if we'll be inspired by or hired by the cripps/pimps or those bloods from the street Piru because they are true.I ain't from the west coast or east coast so don't ask me or I'll boast.STRAIGHT Out of GRADE SCHOOL!! Ha Ha Where you from brotha?Thug-G- Comin' straight out of grade school with a gangsta named Thug-G now get ready because yo in' wit a O.G. say you got one well show me yo gun homie menace thanks for giving me the mic g.We here from canada maybe not the best rap scene,but it's good enough for me sorry but we got 2 drop out got 2 flee... STRAIGHT Out of GRADE SCHOOL.
Thanks for listening and holla your opinion.

[depthcon]

Ok Menace, your lyrics are pretty OK. Like the other poster said, you might want to leave out all the 'check it out y'all's.. :D Um, here's a tip, try not to rhyme things that rhyme just for the sake of it.. like 'bring da pain, bring da rain'.. try to get something else to rhyme like complain, lane, insane, main, fame... etc..

[rawpotatoeater37]

Rhyming dictionaries help a lot with that too. Here are a few:

RhymeZone rhyming dictionary and thesaurus
FREE Online Rhyming Dictionary
Online Rhyming Dictionary for Poetry and Songwriting