[Flyguy1784]

Ok I need help you all can look at what has happened with my ex on my past post. Yesterday I removed her from my friend list on Facebook because I found myself looking at her profile too much and it was setting me back on the road to recovery. I just got a text from her today saying "can't be my friend on facebook?" What should I do or say or even respond? Is this going to drive her nuts and push her farther away I would like her back but I don't want to play games anymore?

[GlindaofOz]

You should leave it alone. She is the one playing games not you. You are trying to heal by going no contact. If you write back its just going to turn into something that will cause you to backslide.

Have you read Ash's survival guide? Here is the link
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sh-114179.html

He's got great advice and it should really help.

Stay strong!! We have all been there and I know how hard it can be.

[SAB123]

I would go on as planned, don't email her back or anything. Don't worry if that pushes her away because it's not about her it's about you trying to heal. If she keeps e-mailing then tell her no we are no longer together I don't want to be friends.

[s_cianci]

Yesterday I removed her from my friend list on Facebook because I found myself looking at her profile to much and it was setting me back on the road to recovery.

Just tell her this same thing. Make her realize that you're on the road to recovery and that you cannot continue to communicate with her in any way or form, whether it be one-way or two-way.

[Flyguy1784]

Umm I haven't said anything but just got another text from her saying "Is this you cutting me out completly? If thats the case please let me know. I didn't think you never wanted to talk again"

[GlindaofOz]

Did you read the survival guide?? Click on that link mister! It will let you know all you need to know. Ash did an awesome job.

[Flyguy1784]

Yeah I am reading it right now

[SAB123]

She's playing head games with you. My ex did this before. She said can we be friends I said NO. She got really upset then I said OK. But I told her give me time to get over you. She said how long I said at least a year. She didn't like those words either we said goodbye to each other then a couple days later she came over and said she made a mistake and wanted me back.

[Flyguy1784]

So I should just let her stir on this for sometime? Silence is golden! I think she is starting to realize I won't be put on a backburner and it is scared the piss out of her.

[SAB123]

Knowing what I know now with my ex yes. I told my ex on our first breakup to leave me alone and don't call. Not to be mean but as much as I hurt I couldn't just be friends with her. As much as I wanted to beg for her back I couldn't. I kept telling myself why would I beg for someone back if they don't want you to begin with. IF she wants you back let her beg. And I do believe you scared her. If you tell her to leave you alone I bet you'll scare her even more. But it's still not about her it's about you healing.

[Flyguy1784]

Well if I tell her to leave me alone and scare her how does that not drive her even farther away? I have made so much progress in the past months my therapist relased me today and said I have fixed the problems of my past and she thought I was ready to go. Yes I want her back but I want her to beg for me back but at the same time I am having a blast in the single world right now and don't want to get burnt like this again in the future.

[Ash123]

Dude... Trust me.

She doesn't know if it's day or night right now...
FlyGuy is putting the pants back on and it's making her queasy.

People ALWAYS feel if they stand their ground they are being "mean" if they hold their ground. They are not.
And don't be - if you ever get together she'll remember that... but Nc is not mean.as long as it was explained up front what you are doing..

Her issues: Trust and space
Your issue: Making her feel those and keeping sane.
SO: She has her space... As for trust: make it clear WHat you are doing: taking your time.
After that - enough said.

You can contact her (politely) when you feel the time is right. Not now

PS - do you really want her?? Be sure.

[Flyguy1784]

Yes I do want her back I made a lot of mistakes and so did she but I really want to work together for a better relationship. There were so many good times and it was the best 3 years of my life.

[SAB123]

What would you rather do let her keep contacting you and let her keep you thinking of her. Regardless if she want you back she will come back. And if you think your pushing her away your not. Actually you might push her back into your arms again. But I agree with ash DO you really want her back. Sounds like you don't so if that's the case who cares if you push her away.

[Jiser]

Don't bother replying. Delete her, delete everything to do with her. Recode your memories as such and learn to let go. That will be a powerful lesson for future relationships/friendships. Better to learn young and now than in the future.

Its hard to stick with NC but do it and you'll feel much better. IGNORE IT !

[GlindaofOz]

It sounds like what you really want is her begging on her knees to take her back. Dude, that's NOT healthy. Why would you want someone to degrade themselves. I think the only reason you want her back is to get the satisfaction of knowing that she can't live without you.

What you really want is an ego boost not a relationship.

I can tell you from the girls side of things she is freaking out because you aren't jumping every time she says so. She is losing power and control and you are thinking that by picking it up as she loses it that there is going to be a balance. It sounds like both of you are fighting for control. No one wins in that kind of situation. So you should take Jiser's advice and run far away.

[Flyguy1784]

No its not that I want her to come back begging I have been the one begging trying to get her to give me a second chance. The last two weeks I have not contacted her trying to heal myself from the pain I don't want her to degrade herself I just want to help heal the hurt she has and rebuild the trust that we had for each other. But with this no contact thing I can't say anything to her until she tells me she wants to give it another try. I don't want to be put on the backburner its not fair and its not healthy that is why I have started to move on. I think she is now seeing what she has done she put me on a string thinking that I wouldn't go anywhere and once she had her fun she could come back to me. At the first two weeks of this I was jumping at everything she said but since then I have respected her and given her the space she wanted.

It might sounds like I want an ego boost but I don't need that I know that I have been happy with myself the past month and don't need her to make me happy but I want her in my life because she brings so much joy to my life and there was a real connection between us. I just want her to want to be with me fully, I want her to know in her heart that I am what she wants. That is what I think of her I want to be with her but she asked for the break and I had to respect that and try to put the feelings I had for her away.

[talaniman]

Flyguy, stay on your path for you. As you heal you will be in a better position to make good decisions, and see things clearly and realistically. Nothing else really matters as it is important for you to be healthy, and then you can know what it is you really want. No hurry. Take the time you need. And remind me again why you two aren't together? Oh that's right SHE dumped YOU! Heal and pay attention, as you will see what you failed to see while your mind was clouded by love and grief

[Flyguy1784]

I know she dumped me just don't understand why it seems like she is crawling back now.

[Ash123]

You are in the driver's seat.

Rent "swingers" and if time get out of town (the brain thinks differently in new places).

Btw/how old are you all?
What is her job?