[overprotected16]

Hey I'm Linda. First off, I'm 16 years old but I'm turning 17 this October. My mother died when I was a month old and I moved to New York to live with my grandparents for 13 years while my dad stayed in Florida until my dad thought he was ready to take care of me.. but he pretty much stayed out of my life when I lived with my grandparents. So once the summer of 2003 came I moved back to live with my dad and my brother, he didn't get remarried. The problem however is that once I moved in with him I pretty much had no freedom, he let me out with friends but was very cautious about letting me hang out with my friends. I was rarely allowed to do much also. I couldn't have a cell phone but I guess that's reasonable.. he thought I was too young and still does. I can't hang out with guys or date.. he thinks I'm too young to even TALK to guys, I'm 16, almost 17! I'm pretty mature for my age and I never gave him ANY reason to be overprotective. His rules are stupid and he's way too strict. He acts like I just got out of juvie. I got grounded for two weeks because I talked on the phone with a guy who was just a friend, nothing more.. we were even just talking about homework because he didn't understand one of the problems. Now he definitely has reasons to not trust me because eventually I got sick of his being overprotective so I date behind his back. I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs. Generally I'm a pretty good kid. The only thing I've done bad is date behind my dads back. I've had a boyfriend now for six months (anniversary was yesterday). Usually I'm fine with just dating behind his back, but I do love my boyfriend, and I'm tired of having to sneak around my dad. It's hard for me to see him and it's just frustrating. My dad and I fight a lot because of his ridiculous rules (if I eat anything between 2:00-5:00 I get in trouble and I also can't eat anything after 7:00 until the next day no matter how hungry I am, plus numerous other stupid rules) and other than that we pretty much ignore each other unless I need a ride somewhere. He pretty much keeps to himself like he always has. So pretty much, I don't know what to say to him. I want to find a way to get him to stop being so overprotective, I mean I'm going to be a senior in high school and I still can't even TALK to guys? I find that a bit ridiculous. I've asked my brother if he can talk to my dad about letting me go on a date with my boyfriend (obviously my brother didn't tell him we're already going out) and my dad just flat out said, "no", so it's not like I haven't tried at all. I would just talk to him about it myself but it would be very very awkward. If anyone has any advice, it'd be very helpful.

[GlindaofOz]

Some parents are scared of what goes on the world and believe the best thing to do with their kids is to lay down rules and try to protect them anyway they can. In regards to dating he probably just doesn't want to see you get wrapped up in a guy, start having sex and getting pregnant. He probably also doesn't want some guy breaking your heart. Both are terrifying situations to a father.

A lot of stuff goes on with parents as their kids get older. Sometimes its hard for them to relate to you or to recognize that you are getting older and that you are almost an adult.

I recommend you figure out what you want to say to your dad and sit down and have a real heart to heart. Speak calmly do not fly off the handle, yell or excuse him of treating you badly or being unfair, do not whine. Just calmly tell him I feel that some of your rules are very strict I appreciate that you want to protect me but I'm almost 17 next year I'll be going to college and you won't be with me. I need to learn how to cope with things. Focus on one thing with him and see if you can get him to relax a rule.

I think as long as you act mature and calm he will see your side. Good luck.

[overprotected16]

Some parents are scared of what goes on the world and believe the best thing to do with their kids is to lay down rules and try to protect them anyway they can. In regards to dating he probably just doesn't want to see you get wrapped up in a guy, start having sex and getting pregnant. He probably also doesn't want some guy breaking your heart. Both are terrifying situations to a father.

A lot of stuff goes on with parents as their kids get older. Sometimes its hard for them to relate to you or to recognize that you are getting older and that you are almost an adult.

I recommend you figure out what you want to say to your dad and sit down and have a real heart to heart. Speak calmly do not fly off the handle, yell or excuse him of treating you badly or being unfair, do not whine. Just calmly tell him I feel that some of your rules are very strict I appreciate that you want to protect me but I'm almost 17 next year I'll be going to college and you won't be with me. I need to learn how to cope with things. Focus on one thing with him and see if you can get him to relax a rule.

I think as long as you act mature and calm he will see your side. Good luck.

Thanks, I've thought about doing that but I haven't gotten the nerve to do so because it's just so awkward with us. If we were closer I'd be able to but it's almost as if we're strangers except he gets to lay stupid rules on me. I think I'm pretty mature for my age so it's just frustrating. I could be out doing drugs and getting pregnant behind his back but I choose not to. Thanks for the advice, I'll think about it, just have to work up the nerve:o

[GlindaofOz]

Thanks, I've thought about doing that but I haven't gotten the nerve to do so because it's just so awkward with us. If we were closer I'd be able to but it's almost as if we're strangers except he gets to lay stupid rules on me. I think I'm pretty mature for my age so it's just frustrating. I could be out doing drugs and getting pregnant behind his back but I choose not to. Thanks for the advice, I'll think about it, just have to work up the nerve:o

I feel like a broken record I think I've said this to 5 teens in the last day... I used to write letters to my mom when I couldn't tell her something. It made it easier for me and it opened up lines of communication. I was close to my mom but I think when you're a teenager the worry about them not understanding or not hearing you is really big. This way you get plenty of chances to figure out how to say what you want to say.

[overprotected16]

That might work, thanks :)

[differentbutclassy]

Wow I think you should move back with your grandparents and if that doesn't work just keep sneakin around until you 18 and then you're an adult and can do watever your little heArt desires