[trepiger]

Could someone please answer me this about male body language:
Someone I am interested in, who is a little shy and who has been flirting with me for some weeks now has been showing increasing interest in how often we see each other. This is in a business arena. He takes a big interest in where I am at, moves near to me, readily makes conversation, asking me about my life, family etc, stares at me A LOT, smiles, has a pet name for me and recently has commented each time we cross paths about when the last time was that he saw me. Once there was only a timespan of 3 days between visits and he said it seemed like AGES. In the recent past he has let me know that he would be playing sport at a sports ground in my street, and even told me the time he would be playing. So, today when he told me that he would be there again over the coming weekend, I said, well, if you are in my street and have the time, why don't you pop in for a coffee. His body language when I said this, was interesting: he turned to me to be more square on, put both hands behind his head and coyly (shyly) said, 'yes ok' whilst he looked directly at me. I have never experienced a reaction such as this from a man and would love to hear how others would interpret this. I am particularly interested to hear from men with their opinions. Thanks guys !

[beans0812]

The way I would interpret that would be that even though he was confident in the business area, you may have surprised him by inviting him over. You said he is a shy person, so just like in the business setting, I'd say give it time and he'll show increasing interest in seeing you outside of work.

[trepiger]

OK that's interesting... so I took him by surprise? The last thing I wanted to do was scare him or anything. He was just being so transparent with his comments I thought I would do the same. He has such a nice personality and gentle way about him, I hope I haven't emasculated him by giving him this open invite?

[beans0812]

I doubt that you've done that and it's just a thought I had. I could very well be wrong. Have you talked to him since the invite?

[trepiger]

It only happened today Beans. With my work schedule I doubt we will cross paths until after the weekend when he said he is playing sport at the sports ground in my street. I think I thought the wrong thing when he did this... I always thought that when a man puts his hands behind his head (both at the same time) that it was a show of dominance. Your take on it was that I took him by surprise and that kind of makes sense. If he shows up I think I will be very surprised. If he doesn't I will just try to act normally when we do cross paths again. Am I wrong in thinking the hands behind the head means dominance?

[beans0812]

Actually I guess it could be meaning that he's proud. It all depends on his tone of voice.

[GoldieMae]

I am not a man, but WOW! That particular stance, facing you with his hands behind his head, looking directly at you, is generally a stance of confidence or satisfaction. It opens up the chest area in an "unga bunga" cave man kind of way. :p Or, to be more flattering to him, he's thrilled you asked him to stop by, but he is uncertain if it is "just for coffee" of if you are truly interested. His body language suggests he is interested and believes you are too.

He hasn't asked you out but he's managed to get you to ask him out... hmmmmm. You just saved him from being rejected, and he has a date. I think they award trophies for that in Man-land.

In all seriousness, his posture is a sign that he's thrilled to come over for coffee, but he's trying to play it cool. Until he comes over for coffee, he'll probably be asking himself "is it just for coffee, or is she interested?"

[trepiger]

Ha ha... 'unga bunga'... is that 'cave speak'? I AM really interested in him but I did ask him just for coffee, at this stage :) I would love to have an uninterrupted conversation with him, on neutral turf, and find out if he really is the sweet gentle person he appears to be. He is fairly shy. I hope he takes me up on my offer but I was so confused by that reaction and didn't really understand it, I immediately thought... oh, he won't do it.

[GoldieMae]

LOL, sorry if I insinuated that the visit might be more than coffee in that way. I didn't mean it that way. (he he) What I meant was whether he was getting the friend vibe from you or whether you were interested in the possible pursuit of anything else. Have fun getting to know him.

[Grayfox]

Just throwing this out there, he very well could've also just been nervous... maybe he was excited by the fact that you finally extended an invitation or recognized his attempts and simply just tried to play it off in a relaxed way... it definitely doesn't seem like a bad reaction but rather just someone who really didn't know what to do with themselves at the moment.

[trepiger]

Yes Greyfox, I think it was very possible it made him nervous. There have been times when he has been quite awkward around me. Now, this is just my own personal hang-up but I always think it's a shame when someone feels awkward around me as I try to make people comfortable when I interact... PARTICULARLY if I am interested. I am not a flirt. If you see me flirting its because I really am interested. And I really am interested in this man. I am not in a hurry, and I didn't want to scare him. It was just a knee-jerk reaction to his comments .

[trepiger]

Ok, so this is an update on something I asked last week and got some very useful replies. It was about shy men and body language. As a spur of the moment reaction to something this man said to me , I invited him to pop in. When I next saw him (work) he hinted that he would come round earlier than we had originally planned so I asked if he would like to come for lunch. No one has ever said yes so fast ! Well, Mr Shy came round for lunch today. He had been coaching and playing in a game of soccer beforehand and to break the ice I asked him how it all went. He was obviously nervous and I tried my best to create a relaxed atmosphere. I had originally thought that my children (17,14) were going to be out of the house, but both of them had failed plans and they were here for lunch as well. He did, at a later point, mention that he had thought they would be out with friends etc but didn’t appear to have a problem with it as we all had a very nice lunch, chatting and laughing and exchanging viewpoints on lots of topics. Once when I left the room to get things from the kitchen, he asked my younger daughter when my birthday was. My older daughter told me also that she noticed that whenever he had the opportunity he was staring at me. Later on, my daughter told me that whilst we were helping ourselves to dessert and he was scooping ice-cream on pie, he swapped his for mine when I left the room to make coffee, telling my daughter, this one looks better, I will give her this one. Certainly whilst we sat next to each other at the table his body language was extremely positive. He would turn his whole body, legs included, around to mine, knees touching or feet brushing against mine. He told some stories of when he was growing up, we discovered that we both grew up in the same area of Sydney (we now both live 100kms west of there), he spoke of some of his plans for his business and mentioned that he would like to travel to see parts of Europe in the future. A couple of very pleasant hours passed and then he said he should get going. I walked him to the front door, he thanked me for the lovely food, but then he left rather suddenly, kind of awkwardly and only said, ‘ I will see you in a couple of days. You will be in at work won't you ?’ I felt I didn’t want to be presumptious by suggesting any further get-togethers because I suggested this one. Even though it was a really nice afternoon, I feel a little ‘anti-climax’ because I thought he might suggest another meeting. Is this just ‘girl’ expectations or do you think he felt his style a bit cramped because my kids were there. They were not in the room the whole time and certainly not when he was leaving. His behaviour does confuse me from time to time. I guess I have been used to more ‘forward’ men, who consequently, did not deserve my time or attention. Do you think I just need to exercise some more patience here or should I be concerned that he didn’t make any suggestions today ?

[s_cianci]

Just be patient. Everything sounds kosher to me and I don't think you have anything to worry about. You don't ever want to rush things as it is so there's really no problem.

[trepiger]

All right then, here is an update on the update; please let me know what you think.
After this lovely shy man came round for lunch and we had a nice time, you know he left kind of suddenly but didn't make any suggestions about another meeting. We cross paths regularly due to work, that is how we met. So, I saw him at work the very next day. He was really sweet, the first thing he said to me was 'I really enjoyed myself yesterday' , to which I replied 'I really enjoyed you being there'. There was an awkward long pause, some feet shuffling... and then nothing. I did not fill the silence, I just smiled. We then exchanged some niceties about the conversation of the day before and he then managed to repeat to me that he knew when my birthday was. He then got a bit flustered and couldn't concentrate on his work and I asked him if he was awake yet ? He then said, Oh I am awake all right, in fact I feel really alive today. I am just fine. I couldn't stay long so that was the end of the conversation. Couple of days go by and I am back there today. He seemed upset and agitated. He asked how I was and I joked that I had some car problems that were annoying but part of life blah blah. He then said, can I get you a coffee and have a chat ? I said sure. So then he launches into a story; telling me that his ex was giving him hell. I asked him to explain. He then told me that he had grown tired of her constant dramas and had ended the relationship some time ago but that very recently she had been hassling him. Two days before his lunch date with me, he had come home from work to find that she had broken into his house (they did not ever live together) and had removed all the presents she had ever given him and messed up his house. He told me that he could have pressed charges but he didn't want to escalate things and so he didn't respond or react to this in any way. Then that morning (the day he was telling me this) his ex had sent a big burly guy from her work over to verbally harrass him. He told me he really didn't understand this onslaught as he was the one that ended it. He said to me, I want her completely out of my life. I want to move on.

Ok, so then he had to move to a different part of the room to get something and whilst he did, suddenly there is this woman standing near the counter and she proceeds to throw this plastic bag with something in it over the top of the counter and then stomped off very loudly. He came back in time to say, 'that would be the ex' After this he was markedly different. Very quiet and unconcentrated. When I had to leave, I thanked him for the coffee and he just said, 'ok, well see you next time' and didn't even look up at me.

Comments??

[Curlyben]

>THREE Threads Merged<

[MOWERMAN2468]

Hmmmm, coffee?? Yes , that is what he will be unsure of until he shows up. If you like him, he may get the gumption to ask you out for a proper date.