[Kamila]

Hello:
I am an exchange student and I have been studying in the USA for about 5 years. I’ve met my fiancée and lived with him for 3 years. The only obstacle we had as a couple was that we come from two different nations with two different religions that have the main and the biggest conflict in the Middle East (Israel and Palestine). We were not religious at all and didn’t care about the differences between us and looked more at the similarities. But our families would have never accepted each other and they would have disowned us and not accepted our marriage. Despite all those problems that we’ve had, we’ve had the best relationship ever. We loved each other patiently and tried to ignore all the difficulties we’ve had. We were perfect for each other. We barley had any fights or arguments. We shared everything in our life with its happiness and sadness. My man showed me the real love and gave me everything I wanted. We were willing to sacrifice everything for our love so we promised each other to get married and have a family and raise our children on love far away from all the hatred in the Middle East.
In summer 2007 we decided to visit the holy land and give it a try with our families. We stayed in two different cities and could not see each other because of checkpoints, curfews and closers but we stayed in contact and kept the promise that no matter how our people hated each other we would love each other till the end. He used to tell me how his relatives and family hated my people and how they were encouraging him to get married to a woman within their religion. I also told him about my family and how they wanted me to find the right man from my own community. We used to make fun of all those ancient traditions that our people still carry and fight over. We could not wait till we come back to America and be with each other again.
After 3months and after coming back to the USA, my fiancée told me that he can’t be with me anymore. I was shocked and very devastated. The man I love and was willing to give up everything for, gave up on me and left me.
I talked to him a week later. He kept saying that he is still in love with me but he can’t be with me and leaving me has nothing to do with me it is his final decision. I don’t know the real reason that made him take this decision and leave me. The only reason I would think of is that he got brainwashed by his family and people to leave me and give up the great dream that we’ve had.
I am still in love with him and want back but he does not want to discuss it. What should I do? How am I going to get him back? Please help me.
Thank you

[GlindaofOz]

I'm so sorry what a terrible situation. It seems as if love can conquer all but sometimes it just cannot. Sometimes when people come from a background steeped in religion, beliefs and culture it is very difficult for an outsider to break in. From what I understand these are two nations have fought with one another for centuries and it seems as if his parents have indeed gotten to him.

I personally believe that when there are background differences as large as the two of you have that it can be an uphill battle to get the relationship to work. While the two of you have a great relationship you have what we call the pink elephant in the room (the big thing that's obvious but no one wants to talk about). We may not want to go against his family especially if he will be disowned. I would talk to him about it and see where he is at. Sometimes love has a hard time overcoming the hatred of a family.