[Desire03]

3 years ago I was involved in a relationship with a man that I truly loved and thought I was going to marry. After about a year in the relationship with him, I found that he was married. He told me that they were separated and going to get a divorce. They had separated, but he moved her back in to his home until she "got herself" together to get out on her own. When he moved her in, I left him. I told him I couldn't do it anymore. FYI, the man is 20 years my senior. I immediately got into another relationship with a man my age. We cheated on me and gave me an STD within 6 months of dating. He begged for my forgiveness, and I gave in. Since then I've gotten 3 other STDs, but he denies knowing where they came from. I've been with him for 3 years now, we have a baby together. Yet I'm not sure that I love him anymore. We don't go out, we don't sit and have conversations. He can't make time for "just me." He says that nothing he does is good enough for me. I'm starting to believe he's right. But then I'm not sure that he's even trying.
Anyway, I still keep in contact with this older guy. When were were together, he was my best friend and I've never let that go. I can talk to him about everything and he's been there for me through everything. Literally. He did finally divorce his wife and now he's working on being a better person. He wants to have a sexually relationship with me. He's not with anyone and hasn't been for 3 years. At least not anything serious. And yes, I believe him. He's a very sexual person though, so he wants me to be there for that need. I told him, I can't do that outside of a commitment. It's too emotional for me. The thing is, I really want to marry this man. I did talk to him about it. He says he's not ready yet. But he said that he would marry me. But he wanted to date first to get to know that side of me again. I don't know...
I wish it would work about with my child's father. I want to love him again. I want a family. I don't want to make a mistake. Please help:confused:

[otto186]

My best advice is seek counseling with the man you are with now. If the counseling does not work and you are unhappy, I would suggest taking a break from one another. Because if you are not happy, there is no point in being in a relationship where you are miserable. You deserve better, and you can get better. Make sure you also put the child's best interest at heart.

[hettie]

I think you have had a rough few years and what you REALLY need to do is to take a break from BOTH men and sort yourself out. I think if you did this you would soon find out that you don't actually want or need either of these guy I know it's hard to accept but neither one of them has treated you with respect.The older guy seems to want a sexual relationship but not ot consider a formal one therefore disrespecting your views on the matter.The other guy well 3 stds? Need I really say more.Men will only respect you when you start to respect yourself. I recently split with what I can honestly say was the first guy to really respect me and yes it hurts all the more for that but once you have found that you will never look back. Even the poorest person is rich in themselves if they have self respect go get some girl.Take care and I hope it all works out for you but in your heart you know you can do better. Also think of your child do you want them to think it OK to have a partner who is willing to expose them to HIV what would happen to your child then? Sorry if that upsets you but it a reality you might have to face if you don't leave him.

[talaniman]

Counseling with your current mate, and leaving the older fellow, alone would be my advice. Jumping from a relationship with a married man, right into another mans arms was a big mistake. Even if the current b/f declines professional help you should get some any way. Your choices have not been that great and now you have a daughter who needs your attention. Get help and get healthy, before making any big decisions.

[bushg]

Desire03. You had better make sure you protect yourself from theses std's your boyfriend is giving you. There are so many diseases that can destroy your life or kill you! He can deny all he wants but apparently he has no conscience or respect for anyone including himself. Personally if it were me I would walk, how dare a man give a woman std after std and her with his baby to take care of. He says nothing he does is good enough for you. This is his pitiful attempt of placing the blame on you. Don't let him hand you that Bull$hit. You would be thrilled if he really tried to change and droped the B.S. This older man is just someone on the side that makes you feeel secure, Your biggest fear is being alone. Leave the men alone for awhile and get your head on straight. A man does not define who you are. You do not have to be in a relationship to be happy. Your not happy now so why take a chance on him giving you something that will kill you. Take time and sit back and reflect on your own childhood. Think about the choices that you make today based on what your mom and dad taught you about relationships. Do you want your child growing up in the environment that you are helping create? You will look around and your child will be old enough someday to pick up on how we women let men treat us. If you do not change it, this child may exhibt daddy's or mommy's behavior someday. Would you want this to happen? Only you can change that.

[hettie]

Hi again I don't mean that you have no self respect thin I may have put it across wrongly sorry about that hope things are getting better.Well done on stopping sleeping with him it certainly wasn't doing you any good you truly deserve a man who will treat you soooo much better I have been there and done it as well and it can happen and although my and my last ex are not together he showed me I DO deserve to be treated better than inprevious relationships and helped me raise the bar in what I look for in a man, keep us informed take care x