[Mel91]

I'm 16 and I currently live with my mother and father.

I had "ran away" about a month back because my father and I had gotten into a dispute that had escalated to the point where I was in fear of my own mental and physical state. I had fled to my half brother's house, where he and his wife and coaxed me enough to persuade me to return to my house (with them present).

Since then, the relationship between my father and I has dramatically changed; we went out of our way (more him than I) to not run into each other at home and we discontinued any communication between each other. He even told my mother that he gives her all "permission" to do what she pleases in order to raise me.

In accordance to this wish my mother felt it was best not to inform my father that my boyfriend would be coming down to visit me. However, the night before my boyfriend was supposed to arrive my mother had told my father everything that was happening. He went into a hysterical rage about everything (which is not uncommon) but had once again concluded that he did not want to bother to deal with me and this issue.

The next day my boyfriend, mother, and half brother agreed that my boyfriend and I would spend the day with each other and meet at my half brother's house. Before I could reach my brother's house my father had arrived there screaming obscenities in font of my brother's apartment. The cops were called to the location but my family had moved the situation to another location. It seemed that things had cooled down and my father left after demanding that my boyfriend went into the car with him and talk (which my boyfriend had agreed to do).

Later that day I asked my mother if I could sleep over my brother's house in order to prevent any arguments with my father, my mother agreed. I went to my brother's house. But later that night my father had called my brother's wife and was yelling and cursing at her. He made threatening claims that he was going to come there and "kick her " for kidnapping his daughter. She yelled right back and called her husband (my brother) and other family members to come to her house. My mother had then called me and told me to get a cab back home in order to prevent any more traumatic situations. I did so.

Later I find out that my father had arrived at my brother's house but according to some witnesses he may have had a knife with him. My sister in law yelled through a closed window that I had went home and my father left. She immediately called cops and filed a complaint and is currently prosecuting him.

My father was found very early the next morning and was taken into custody. The entire night I was in fear that he would try and find me (for my family had fled to my grandmother's house) and try to harm me. I couldn't go to sleep for several hours and was hysterical.

2 days later when I found out that he was released (for I was at the zoo with my boyfriend because he was going to leave the next day) I was once again swept back into that fear that he was going to harm me in the night or when I was alone with him. However, when I got home it seemed like he had "changed" and was much more docile in his actions. With that my fear for my safety was slightly relieved. However, today he has once again went into hysteria (for I am alone with him) and had stated that I would be the reason that he was about to "snap". I am now afraid what he will do to me if that does happen.

I was researching/ thinking of getting a court order of protection against him, but I don't feel that I will have a strong enough case ( I do not wish to try and apply for one in the fear that if I don't get it he will do something to me). Is it possible that I could try to get out of his custody and into my brother's or give full custody to my mother? I don't know what to do at this point and any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks

[GlindaofOz]

What does your mother say about all this? Its sort of unclear if she simply placates him and is in denial about the level of his rage or sees what's really going on.

Could you please give us some more clarity? Thanks.

[Mel91]

My mom is the type of person (and I'm quoting her) who will "stand by her husband whether he is right or wrong". Unfortunately for me, my father is wrong and my mother blames me for the entire situation. She is fully aware of his rage and how he himself can build himself up into a frenzy and she wants him to go to anger management. But because of my mother's age and up bringings she believes that I should be passive about everything that he does to me or the family. I am not a passive person (which my father is also and that's why I believe we clash so much) and refuse to sit down while my own father does not treat me with respect (as a young adult, his daughter or as a person) or with common decency. My mother feels that if I merely apologize for running away all of our problems will vanish. I've been passive for the past few year (for the troubles between my father and I are not at all recent, in fact he has relationship problems with my older brothers too), and this passiveness has solved nothing. I want to make myself knowledgeable about all possible situations and opportunities that I can try and pursue.

Thanks again.

[GlindaofOz]

What state do you live in? This might help in trying to find you answers

[s_cianci]

Have your half-brother contact child protective services on your behalf and ask that they remove you from your home and temporarily with he and your sister-in-law. He should also request that CPS apply for a restraining order against your father, for your protection. If everything you've told us here is true, you should have no trouble getting CPS to intervene on your behalf.