[trujew]

Hi everyone. I am no stranger to this site. I've shared a great deal about my most recent relationship with you all, and I first want to thank everyone for their past advice.

This will actually be my third post. I'm the one who has been writing about being in a poly- amory relationship and was confused about breaking up with this guy or not. All my responses back said for me to break up with this guy.

Well, as it turned out, I actually did break up with him three times. However, I did the classic... I STILL SLEPT WITH HIM!!

Seriously though, here's what's there for me... I know in my heart of hearts that this relationship is not what I am committed to any longer. I tried it, and it wasn't what I really wanted and so I broke it off. Problem is much deeper though because I am still very much in love with him. I love him in many, many, many ways and we get along as friends beautifully. I really feel a connection with him. I'm afraid once we stop the intimacy all together, I will lose him.

We've actually talked about stopping the intimacy but I don't think he ever took what I said seriously. I know I have to be strong mentally and just stop it all together but I just don't want to lose him.

I feel like I am in the Twilight Zone over this. Here's a guy who in many ways rocks my world but then is like the worst thing that came into my life. It's hard to explain. Love is weird sometimes. I really do feel like we've known each other for years. And I know some people might say that a friendship could be possible here.

Truth is though that this sleeping with him stage still shows me I can't let go and I want to cling to him for fear of being alone. I show all the typical scared habits.

If our love is strong enough then I guess we could keep a friendship thing going. But I really think he will lose it if he is denied in bed by me. I guess I should give him credit... he's not a bad guy at all. I just hate letting people down. It's the worst for me. It's so hard to find a connection with people in life and I don't want to lose my relatedness to him for anything.

But I know I have to fight for what I believe in. But parts of me isn't truly confident in my judgment to things.

Lately I have been feeling like relationships in general are a big waste of time. It seems like everywhere you turn couples are breaking up or people are cheating on one another.

I've just been so depressed lately. I actually have had thoughts to harm myself. Thank goodness they are just thoughts... don't worry. I am actually seeing a therapist. It's just that I can't understand how to truly keep a relationship going.

Maybe parts of me really like being alone or shall I say single. I'm coming up on my second year of being divorced. I just feel so tired. How many feel tired.

This guy I consider like my best friend, like a father figure and he truly was the best lover I ever had!

Any books I read don't really seem to help me in this situation either. I feel like I will betray him if I end this all together. I really miss what we had. I just don't want our life to end. I didn't see it this way. I've actually had more fun with this guy then any man I've ever been with (even my ex husband).

I know another guy will eventually surface and he will eventually move on. Too bad we all don't have a crystal ball.

I hate when good things come to an end. I mean, how do I approach him about this? I know he will try to change my mind again. In my fantasy world, I wish I could continue to sleep with him. He's the best lover! I hate breaking peoples hearts.

Please advise.

[Haplo]

Exercise willpower and do not give in to your impulses. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet. You're going to therapy and you know the things you want and do want, but ultimately NOTHING will happen until you CHOOSE to make it happen. And you are CHOOSING to remain in this position. Make a new choice.