[jshrckstar]

Here is a little background about my situation with my ex, from when we first broke up.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...one-90619.html

It's been almost 4 months since we have broken up, and probably about a month since she contacted me via text message. For the most part, I'm doing okay. I've gone out on dates, and I have met a lot of really great people. The problem is that I can't stop loving my ex. I keep holding on, in my head, that she was by far "The One". I can't connect with others like I connected with her. When I first met her, there was something I could not escape. I instantly fell for her, and developed strong feelings very quickly. They were strong feelings that lasted until she decided to leave. My feelings for her would not have changed, and I don't think they have even today. As I said, I have been on dates, and have met girls that I feel a strong attraction to "Physically". I feel no connection like what I initially felt for my ex when we first met.

Today, I live my life, and make positive choices to steer myself in the right direction. My problem is that I wake up everyday, and she is on my mind! I think about how much I love her, and wonder what she is doing. I miss her all of the time, and I can't escape what we had together. It's really tearing me apart, and I am unsure what to do. I know time will take its course, and eventually it may get better. But 4 months! And I still feel the same way? Someone enlighten me!

[Ash123]

You were in love.


Good news is that means you have a soul and will likely find the right person.

That will not go away overnight. Also, double the time of healing if you were the breakee... At 2 months per year and about a 2 yr. relationship you would need... 8 months. This is an imperfect science but there is no way physical attraction of a new girl will replace the mental feelings you have for your Ex.

So, how do you survive?

Well, you could call her. Shock yourself and her. I always say never, ever, call. It is only taking you back to restart and that would be many months!! :-) BUT sometimes the hard reality of...well, reality - can shock you back into focus. Tell her you miss her and you love her and you KNOW it will never work out - you see that now - but you just wanted to hear the voice of an old friend!

If she is cordial and gets off the phone quickly you know she's moved on and you can slit your wrists and curse me and the Askhelpdesk site!

If she is nice and says she thinks of you too, then enjoy the moment and then let her go.

Remember, if she wants you, she'd find you. So, don't feel like there is more you can do.

Otherwise, tough it out. EACH MONTH SHOULD BE BETTER... if does not grow easier, spend a few $$ on a therapist and talk it out.

[Mathandler1]

Hey jshrckstar,

I wish I could enlighten you here, but I can't. I was in the same vote 18 years ago, as you are in now. I thougt we clicked and wanted a relationship, she was two years younger than me and didn't. She left and have not heard from since. I even tried to believe that she was dead and buried in my mind but to this date, I still think about her once in a blue moon, wondering what she is doing and what it would have been like if we got married. But lilke saying goes, it's the past, dead and buried, but not forgotten. I was told that if you try to find someone within two years that it is considered a rebound and that you are trying to fill that void... HE (double tooth picks) with that thought. Best of luck! Unfortunately it will take longer than 4 months, I am sorry to say.

[jshrckstar]

Ash123... I have thought about calling her, or texting her, but I haven't. It's odd because I love her, but dislike her as well. So, when I think of calling her, I think of how she left me, and all of the stuff she is putting me through! I, of course decide not to call her. I guess its hard for me to believe that she has no interest in anything that has to do with me. I mean, I didn't hurt her in any way, but she just made the random decision to leave. At first I thought she may have met someone, but through mutual friends I found out that this was not the case. I've gone through the closure part of the break up i.e. talking to her and her telling me she didn't want me anymore. I just can't get over what we had, and how strong BOTH of our feelings were for each other. I know if I am not interested in calling her, it is in her hands to call me. I think that is the problem sometimes. I know her, and she has even said that she felt guilty for what she did. So, I don't see that she would pick up the phone and call me if she was unsure if I would be accepting of her call.

[Ash123]

Yep... Either shock therapy for you with a call. And the innevitable - which you understand (good). Or rely on the strongest thing that people have relied on for a millenium: TIME.

[talaniman]

Though you have come a ways since your first post, you still have a ways to go, so you know the routine, stay busy and give it more time and more positive action. There is no substitute for hard work.

[Jiser]

Time, stay busy..

[hettie]

It has been four months for me as well and like yourself it not getting any easier depite the fact my ex has met someone else a couple of weeks ago he says it nothing serious someone he see now and again but I still hope that by seeing her he will get what he had with me and get his butt back hope the logical side of me knows this won't happen. I was once told it takes a mont for eah year you were together but two isd looking more realistic, Do not force youirself to get over it and DO NOT get involved with someone else until you are truly over it as you really shouldn't involve anyone else in your own mixed up emotion you will only do to them what has been done to you I hope you get throgh it soon I kow it very hard but try and be posative and if you are mean tobe together then you will be if not you have been shwn the parts of a relationship you want and don't want from someone else and better luck next tie now if only I could take my own bloomin g advice we would bot thbe sorted

[SAB123]

Jshrkstar and hettie the 5 month for me wasn't any easier for me. But now going into my 6th month things are starting to change for me I'm laughing and feeling better every week. I do think of her but it's not all the time like I used to. But this only happens if you truly let go and want to move on. If you don't I think you will be stuck on ex's. And for the Love of God do not talk to them. That was my biggest mistake. When I did, went rite back to square one.

[thoughtiwastheman]

DON'T CALL WHATEVER YOU DO. You will only re-open your wounds my friend. My ex has tried contacting me a few times but I refuse all attempts because I am not ready to confront her. She hurt me badly and because of that, I don't want to give her the power to contact me whenever she feels it's right. If you are still thinking about her as I occasionally think of my ex, I think it would be the worst think you can do to text or call. Think how bad you would feel if you texted her or called and there was no reply. I've been on a lot of dates since the break up and I hate the feeling of being disrespected when my calls or texts are not returned sometimes. Keep busy and make sure you have good friends. That's the other thing. I dropped about 5 of my friends that I had always known were fake and not real friends after my break up. Make sure you have positive people in your life or at least people you know care for you.

[Ash123]

Hang in there...
And try this in the meantime. It could just help...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...sh-114179.html

[samesame]

Hey jshrckstar,

Just wondering if she did call you up and told you she wanted to give it another try, would you do it?

And how did it leave off last time you spoke. Was there a maybe on her part or was it a definite, "it's over"?

[Ash123]

In your head you're still going out so it is still alive.
If you called her and suffered whatever the truth was, it might jolt you to move on... otherwise.. TIME