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Squonk... any update? Is she still coming - I ask that because she had seemed to flake on you in the past. Don't put up with any of her crap - ever.
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Wildcat, last I heard she was still coming. She has been in contact quite a bit recently but tonight she has gone quiet. Im not chasing, If she wants me she has to come and get me. Im not bothered either way. She needs to get me, not the other other way round.
I think she is now playing hard to get, What do you recommend? |
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I recommend and not being a Wuss and worrying about it. And you shouldn't start any of the conversatins at this point.
You're a confident guy and are very busy and don't care. The person who cares the lease has the most power - A very smart lady said that. It's at least acting like you don't care. |
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There is no wuss here, I promise you that, only a fascination in the physche of this woman. She is one complex chick.
If anything happens between now and then I'll let you know. Im happy doing my own thing. If she wants to check in then that is fine with me. |
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Good that' the attitude you need with any woman.
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Squonk- Good to hear you're holding strong, just stay alert, fascination and danger often play hand in hand and that curiosity can end up being your down fall. Women like this who are hot.. cold.. hot.. cold really seem to do a great job confusing their men only drawing them in closer. Any third party could see that in a relationship like this, the man should keep his distance but for some strange reason its not so obvious to the guy. When a woman conducts herself this way, I think the best thing to do is to behave as cautiously as though she were Medusa herself, remember her from greek mythology? The draw in this complex woman can blind you or worse, turn you into stone. Don't be an average joe, a mere mortal, learn to overcome any hurdles she puts in front of you, whether inadvertent or not, you'll find that you will become more like Perseus, figuratively speaking of course.
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Hi Momincali,
Thx for your encouragement. She is indeed a medussa. What's your take on why she has now gone silent. Is it a manipulation thing or did she get scared? Either way, is silence from me the most effective response? (not that I'm calling her, I just want to know what she will be thinking by me not chasing... ) |
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Squonk, Silence can many times be used as a manipulation but in this instance, I think it a form of avoidance. She has a debate going on within herself, one that she's not real anxious to settle. She may be wondering exactly how much she has to lose and is afraid of making the wrong decision, taking the wrong actions and saying the wrong things. She needs to decide herself, if she does something and shoots herself in the foot, she did it on her own recourse and has no one to blame. On the other hand, if she gets calls and emails from you, she may try and turn it on you and blame you in the end for "smothering her" (that's a classic) to where she couldn't think straight. Stay away from that trap. No words and no actions from you in any aspect are in your best interest. If she comes, have a good time but don't assume anything, assumptions can get us in a position we don't want to be in. Let me ask you something, are you feeling more excited or anxious over her visit? Excitement meaning you're looking forward to it in a big way and anxious meaning that you have some level of excitement but with a little dread and nervousness in the mix. Know where you are mentally, before you see her physically or the party may be over before it even begins.
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Momincali - you are the best!! Where were you two years ago when I had a gal like this?? Ughhhhhhhhh! You spelled that out so clearly for him - perfect for him.
The smothering thing is so key. That's why no contact - let her come to you - it works. Women like this need attention - but the nthe over attention pushes them away. She wants a man - not a guy who is always checking up on her. I agree - don't expect ANYTHING - keep clear mind. Do not assume anything. WATCH out for her test questions - they are coming - answer her questions with a question or make fun. |
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Thank You Wildcat- No wonder you're so damn saavy, I guess you've graduated Suma Laude from the school of hardknocks! Good for you, glad that's in your past. Your experience will never leave room for poor choices again! Ahhhh love, ain't it Grand Baby! ;)
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Ughhhhhhhhh. I learned so much through the years. I don't want people (mostly guys) make the same dam freaking mistakes. If I can help one guy. (which I have numerous times) I really enjoy helping the guys out - we THINK it's a good idea to be all nice (in a bad way), buy things, over commuicate etc. is the right way - nope - women get freaked out - too much pressure AND many feel they don't deserve it. Heartache IS avoidable - you may not completely be happy, but WHEN you know what's going on, you avoid the heartache and actually realize that person probably was not even close to being right for you.
Guys don't study this stuff. Women do. Squank - did this gal at time, when you were in contact, say she was seeing someone else? Just curious. Seen this before and half the time it's a lie. |
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 Originally Posted by momincali
Wow, this is GREAT insight! I never really thought of "the silent treatment" as a form of manipulation. My EX is doing the same thing to me right now, but DO NOT let her win. I think she wants you to call and pine over her constantly, but if you do you give her all the power back. I haven't spoken to my EX in about 3 weeks, and I know she is probably wondering why I am not calling her, but you cant! You have to let her come to you when she is ready, and if you push it she will run again. I have learned so much about women from this site, and a lot of it has been pretty disheartening to say the least. Good luck with your EX, just keep doing what you are doing and if she wants you back, she will make the effort. |
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"I have learned so much about women from this site, and alot of it has been pretty disheartening to say the least." WHYYYYYYY? Disheartening?? WHAY?? You want to be a whimp and Wuss your whole life and let women walk al lover you?? Tell how that works for you.
YOU HAVE TO CHANGE and you will be much |
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Folks, sorry I haven't checked in for a while. For some reason I wasn't notified when you all posted so I assumed no one was posting.
Momincali - Wow! Thx so much for your insight. I need to keep reading that post. Anyway, it is now the day after the weekend, and what a weekend! Im not going to post any detail here because I need time to reflect on what has happened. Needless to say it was a very "healthy" weekend. Emotionally charged, fun, calm, mature and happy. I don't know what I'm feeling right now which is why I need time to reflect. It is not a numb feeling but more like a nothing feeling. I think I conducted myself well. She wants to seem me again "soon" and tells me that I'm in her heart. Give me a couple of days to think things through. One very important question that I do need answers for though is how do I play it over the next few days? I want to pull back a little and have time to reflect. Should I carry on letting her come to me as feels normal or should I encourage her a little? Thx folks |
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I would wait a couple days - one it makes her think about you. Plus, your over attention last time killed her attraction for you. Plus, it sounds like you need some time to decide how to proceed - sometimes when people come back we decide we don't want them anymore.
I'd CALL her Wednesday. Like to herthe details. |
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No strings?
No strings? What does that mean? Then why bother with it anymore.
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Squank... are ready to let us know what happened?
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Hello Folks,
Im not sure I can go into detail re the weekend so I'll bullet point the main points for ease. - without doubt she has changed. I think she had a breakdown in April and has been recovering since then - there was no intimacy and it was not even brought up by either of us - she apologised for her weird behaviour when we were together but said that at the time she didn't know how to deal with things then - she says she has slept with some other guys but I'm not sure whether to believe this or not. I didn't ask this she offered it up. - she says she does not shag around! - she wanted to know about my private life especially if I had slept with a girl that I had mentioned. I told her it was none of her business. She said that she could ask. I told her I hadn't. - we hugged now and again - I asked her why she had come and she said that because I was in her heart, I was different, I was special. - she said that she had some way to go in her healing process but her therapy is working despite it being difficult. - we had a really good time together, relaxed, fun, easy, spontaneous - I didn't ask any relationship questions - she said that she went on a blind date last week and that he was a nice guy - I teased her and remained aloof but fun and interesting. - she asked me to stay in contact with her while I was away. I told her that it would be difficult especially if she was seeing other guys - she wants to come and see me at xmas but that has now changed to easter but for genuine reasons. I said I would let her know. - she said that I had changed - when I took her to the airport she was not wanting to go. We held each other and she said that we would see each other again soon. I gave her a gentle kiss and she told me I was in her heart. Since then I have had many text messages. The first said that she had had a lovely time and really enjoyed herself. She contacts me via text mainly, and email. We have spoken once. I don't contact her unless to reply to her. I am remaining friendly, cool, and supportive. There is nothing heavy from me at all. It's a bit like how we first behaved when we first met but not as intense. One thing is for sure, despite all her problems I do adore her very much but know that my life is what is important - and without doubt she knows it. So, what's the verdict folks? Sitting here now I miss her so very much but she has no idea that I feel this way. I also can see that despite the "healing" thing she is enjoying her life. Most importantly what should I do now? Ta |
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I don't know dude.
To get right down to it - ask her what SHE wants. Quit letting her string you along. If she wants nothing more than a friendship - move on. I don't normally say this, but ask her - get clarification now - you need closure in this - but call her up. It seems to me from what you said you were more like friends until maybe the end, and it was too late. How do you feel about her? Are you still attracted to her? Sexually? I don't normally say this but, you need to either move way forward or end this. You guys have history - tell her in no uncertain terms what you want AFTER she tells you. If she onlt wants to be friends - say "Ok, Bye" and move on. No more head games. |
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To be honest, I think all she wants at the moment is friendship. I think she has strong feelings for me but they are not strong enough for her to want more. This may be because she is not ready for anything heavy and just wants to take her time and see what else there is out there. Also I think she is trying to address her issues and doesn't want anything to throw her off her path of recovery etc.
She is without doubt a different person. In a better way. More appreciative. Empathy is beginning to sneek into her attitude which she never had. She was so insecure that her rowdy selfishness ruled her life. Im going away for the winter in two weeks and will continue to build my life. She knows what I want from her. I will continue to be there as and when she clocks in but if I meet someone new then that is fine with me. My appetite is back again and moving on will not be an issue. I have given myself time following our weekend together. At first it was very confusing but now I feel OK about things. You need time to reflect. I can now see the "person" that has made my life so difficult and I'm not being blinkered by "love". She continues to contact me everyday and I just reply as and when. I'll keep you up to date of any changes. |
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