[tiodaat]

Obviously, I am in the minority here. I still think you should send her flowers with a friendly card, just to brighten her place when she gets back. I agree roses are a bad idea, but who's to say orchids or a simple summer Day Lily arrangement wouldn't be a nice thing?

It has absolutely nothing to do with getting her to drop her pants or what-not, and more to do with a reminder that you still love her. If you really do love her (and I mean love and not just a crush), then why worry about looking desperate? If you get rejected, at least you can say you tried. And if you don't try, then you never will know if you will end up back together, married, with babies, sometime down the road.

My husband, to the outside world, would have looked severely desperate when he tried to win me back, but really he was in love and wanted me back in a bad way. If he had followed that whole no contact rule, I'd be dating some loser down south instead of married with a family.

Just saying. Take it or leave it.

Also, I see what you are saying about NC--but I don't plan to maintain NC indefinitely. Hopefully just long enough so that she will have some second thoughts about being without me.

[tiodaat]

Anyone else have any opinions?

The majority definitely seems to say no, but the minority has made a few good points.

[mckenzie134]

Hay mate you notice one thing the people saying to send the flowers are the women!! Because they don't realise how women really work they are just talking from whatthey believe which they truly do believe flowers will help but girls don't know what they want most of the time that's why they date so called bad boys!! If flowers were so great and that's what itt ook then all good guys would be in and that's not the case!!

Now she dumped you and you are considering sending flowers I will tell you now here's the results.

1. You send the flowers. REsult: She will probably call or text andsaythanks for the flowers THAT IT..

2. You send the flowers : She thinks he still wants me then thinks I'm just not sure he's such a nice guy I just don't feel like I used to.

3. You don't send them: YOu don't call her: You don't text her: RESULT: She starts to miss you and feel a void in her life and she calls, you don't answer, she texts you saying we need to talk. You call her catch up and she says she wants to give it another go. A week later you buy her some flowers she says you're the greatest guy in the world and can't get her pants off quick enough!!


PLEASE don't send them don't think if I send them she will say ohh I want himback this won't happen...
Imagine you dumoped her OK and then a week later she turns up at your door with your favourite food or something and says I still love you, well you would probably say I love that you done this but honestly mate think about it if you are dumoing a girl her giving you something will NOT change your mind but yet imagine you didnthear from her for a week and then you wondered what she was doing and you call she's out you sart to worry maybe she has someone else maybe I made a mistake, then you thinkof the good times and hell yourve got to gt her back!!

NO FLOWERS THEY can't HELP NO MATTER WHAT YOU THINK. BUt its up to you a lot of guys send the flwers but really why send flowers to someone who dumped you when you were a GREAT guy and she crapped on you!! Really you must think beyond your love I know your huting but congratulating her with flowers showing her you can be walked on ths won't win her back. Girls love to feel likethey don't completely haveyou!!

MAke her feel this way when she returns she will wantto contact you Please don't answer show her that you are the prize now and if she wants to be with you she must show you somerspect because you're a guy in demand...

[talaniman]

The flowers make me look needy, or something else unattractive.

After a female kicks you to the curb, your supposed to move on to better things not be stuck on stupid and try to change her mind. Save your money and spend it on something more positive than a pathetic show of please take me back

[talaniman]

hettie disagrees: i feel that was a bit harsh the guy can't help how he feels about her love is tough enough give him a bit of positive support it can't do any harm to send them the flowers in themselves wont work a miracle but they will show he cares

Reality will be a lot harsher than my words, and maybe he can't help how he feels, he can help what he does about it. The same goes for you, as I am consistent in telling folks to accept its over and move on, instead of being stuck on stupid. Which would you prefer??

[tiodaat]

Hay mate you notice one thing the people saying to send the flowers are the women!!!! Because they dont realise how women really work they are just talking from whatthey believe which they truly do believe flowers will help but girls dont know what they want most ofthe time thats why they date so called bad boys!!!!! If flowers were so great and thats what itt ook then all good guys would be in and thats not the case!!!!!

Now she dumped you and youare considering sending flowers i will tell you now heres the results.

1. You send the flowers. REsult: She will probly call or text andsaythanks for the flowers THAT IT..

2. You send the flowers : She thinks he still wants me then thinks im just not sure hes such a nice guy i just dont feel like i used to.

3. You dont send them: YOu dont call her: You dont text her: RESULT: She starts to miss you and feel a void in her life and she calls, you dont answer, she texts you saying we need to talk. You call her catch up and she says she wants to give it another go. A week later you buy her some flowers she says your the greatest guy in the world and can't get her pants off quick enough!!!!!!!


PLEASE dont send them dont think if i send them she will say ohh i want himback this wont happen......
Imagine you dumoped her OK and then a week later she turns up at your door with your favourite food or something and says i still love you, well you would probly say i love that you done this but honestly mate think about it if you are dumoing a girl her giving you something will NOT change your mind but yet imagine you didnthear from her for a week and then you wondered what she was doing and you call shes out you sart to worry maybe she has someone else maybe i made a mistake, then you thinkof the good times and hell yourve gotta gt her back!!!!!

NO FLOWERS THEY can't HELP NO MATTER WHAT YOU THINK. BUt its up to you alot of guys send the flwers but really why send flowers to someone who dumped you when you were a GREAT guy and she crapped on you!!! Really you must think beyond your love I know your huting but congratulating her with flowers showing her you can be walked on ths wont win her back. Girls love to feel likethey dont completely haveyou!!!

MAke her feel this way when she returns she will wantto contact you Please dont answer show her that you are the prize now and if she wants to be with you she must show you somerspect because your a guy in demand...

Thank you for your advice.

[tiodaat]

After a female kicks you to the curb, your supposed to move on to better things not be stuck on stupid and try to change her mind. Save your money and spend it on something more positive than a pathetic show of please take me back

The fact of the matter is, as of now, at least, I am not ready to give up on trying to get back together with her.

That's not to say I am going to send her flowers when she gets back from out of the country a few weeks from now, but I am going to do something.

Maybe I will wait 2 months and then contact her and ask her out to lunch. I don't really know.

What I do know, though, is that I care deeply about her and that sending these flowers was one course of action that I was considering.

Thanks for responding.

[mckenzie134]

[[QUOTE=tiodaat]The fact of the matter is, as of now, at least, I am not ready to give up on trying to get back together with her.

If you want to get back with her you better give up on trying and wait for her to try or your no chance...


[QUOTE=tiodaat]That's not to say I am going to send her flowers when she gets back from out of the country a few weeks from now, but I am going to do something.

You say you are going to do something, that omething better be waiting for er to contact you, becauseif you contact her first you're OUT!! Don't think she will forget you she will only do this if she is not interested.WAIT IT OUT

[QUOTE=tiodaat]Maybe I will wait 2 months and then contact her and ask her out to lunch. I don't really know.

This is exactly my point you Don't RALLY KOW!! Well you should know we have told you enough what you are going to do and that is absolutely NOTHING... Do you want to win her back or NOT!! You shouldbe saying to yourself she will call me I am the best of course she will call. If she doest after amomth then call. BUt she WILL call They ALWAYS call ALWAYS they need to know what you are doing WOMEN!! SHEWILL CALL YOU MUST WAIT...


[QUOTe=todaat]What I do know, though, is that I care deeply about her and that sending these flowers was one course of action that I was considering.

Yeah letting her no your aloserand a wuss that's all theflowersare going to do. Geezmate how long did yougooutwith her do you really think she needs flowersto show her how much you like her she already knowsthat, and flowers only show her she still has you. Whe you first met you wereprobly a challenge shewasnt sure she had you and she lovedtat, don't turn it into something it shouldn't be she dknows you care but breakingup with you she stabbedyou where it hurts!! Give HER nothing except silence show her you are a great catch and she is missingout...

[Skell]

Mac I'm sorry to inform you that they don't always call mate.

I agree with you that he shouldn't call her but not for the reasons you outline. The reason he shouldn't call her is because he should be moving on and leaving her in the past. His motive shouldn't be based around her calling him instead.

And as I siad I can assure you that they don't always call. Some of them are healthy people who move on with respect and don't play games with their ex. At least mine was kind enough to do it that way to me.

[mckenzie134]

Skell I believe they nearly all call as long as the relationship was not violent or abusive or alcohol rated. And of course it must be a relatonship of at least one year for some feelinfgs and so fourth to grow... I have not got full details of your relationship so I can not say why she did not call. Maybe she had anew guy straight away and thought he wasbetter so didn't bother to call. Maybe you called her that's why she did not call??

Any chance you can fill me in. Its probably irelevant anyway skell andyourv moved on. But I was just wondring?? I think in nearly every case they call. And if they are healthy they normally do not leave a good relationship because they no when they have one. Again not sure why she left you but I did hear something about how se moved straight in with some guy after a year or so, that's not healthy so your kidding yourself if you think she's ealthy that's more like acry for neediness and the needto be wanted by someone and maybe she just lost the attaction and spak for you which was created with someone new... DID YOU CHASE HER I think you must have...

[Skell]

7 year relationship. Non violent, no cheating. Very happy relationship between two healthy people. A little out of line for you to question the healthiness of a relationship you claim you know nothing about other than a post I made recently where she had moved in with a BF longer than 12 months after we had broken up.

Things change. Times change. Feelings change. People change. We were different people at the age of 24 then we were at 16 Mac.

She didn't have a new guy straight away after we broke up. It was 10 months or so and ill agree her moving in with him after 3 months isn't smart. But that has bearing on your claims of them always calling.

She was just respectful enough to see how much I was hurting and she knew that calling me would only hurt me more and give me false hope. She wasn't interested in cat and mouse games and stringing me along.

You sounds like Wildcat with the statements you make. And I can tell you your going down the wrong path there. He has shown recently how wrong he is. Your stereotypes and assumptions are completely wrong. It is the unhealthy ones that call mate. Not the healthy ones.

Because the unhealthy ones are like you who play games and thrive on the attention. We have had contact and can talk fine to one another. There is no hate or anger from either party. We are not interested in games and never have been.

Anyway to be completely honest I'm not really interested in your opinion as to whether my relationship was healthy and why or why not she did or didn't call. I was merely stressing that your assumptions and baseless statements that they always call is misleading to the OP!

[mckenzie134]

Sorry skell disagree. If it was a healthy relationship and she was happy she wouldn't have left. Although being together from the age of 16 may be a factor she may have wondered what elase is out there for her life... Then again why would the next guy she meets be th one she wants to spend her life with his only the second guy she's been with o what your saying is people change andthen she meets new guy and stays with him well its only her second guy.

Problem is when you have a long relationship like yours you ned to keep the spark alive and after 7 years that's not an easy thg to do and when you have other guys around and she is going out she may then start to wonder if what dsh has with you is what she wnts this is the cae in a lot of relationships like yours. This is where you haveto keep her interested and believingyouare the one to stay with and without you she would be lost. Sorry to say but if you wantto keep a girl from 16 once she is about 21 you definitely still nedto be playing games to keep the spark thjere, girls want the spark. I know this does sound a bit like what wildcat preachesand we all know what he ended up doing now. We will see how long that lastsfor and maybe he will be back o here soon. Maybe he likes to gt dumped so he can apply some tactics of WIN back who kows??

You say it as healty well there was obviously a loss of love somewhere there I will put it more down to the spark. This always nees to be kept alive in the young girls especially if it is there first relationship. You must know skell they look to otheres and friends and when they have single friends who tell them how greta it is it is aleways hard to compete with this. This is why games are played and you did not do this and that is why she left. Not getting on ytour back but you did notwant to play these games and if you don't want to play then don't date these young girls who need to be played and made to MISS you!!

That's what they call love MISSING you... Now you say she sidnt call cause she new you would be hurting. Well of course she new this and you were probably upset and she new that who wouldn't be upset after 7 years and you were probably crying wondering what went wrong. There is nothing wrong with that and I know they say you should not show her but fter that long you have a right to be upset with her and mad!!
BUt I think she was thinking like this for a while and you were a bit of a wuss in the relatioonship and as it went on you got to comfortable as you would after 7 years. Girlssay they love comfort but its no good in the real world they ALWAYS want to feel there's a chance you may leave she obviously didn't feel this as you claim she new you were hurting and obviously she wasn't hurting!!

Maybe f you keptafew moretactics in and I know what you will say but after 7 years and I agree after 7 years people should not play games but the problem is she WAS ONLY 23 AND That's WHAT THE GAMESARE BASED ON HER BELIEVIG SHE MAY WANT SOMEONE ELSE AS GIRLS GET OLDER THEY they change a bitand don't onder what else they may bemissing.

Look at it this way you date a girl from 18 till she's 21 you're her first boyfriend she gets to 21 is unsure about you and what she wants with her lidfe. 5 months later she meets a new guy 1 yer leter he proposes what does that say. He was only her 2nd guy, tell me she new what she anted when she met him. Girls are allways confused and the only personwho can control the way they feel at this young age is you...

[Skell]

Sounds like you've been reading lovetactics and askmen and all the other web sites that promise success by applying their tactics.. Well done. Nice regurgitation of their sh1t!

I couldn't even be bothered reading it all to tell the truth.. Ive heard it all beofre and it is BS. Oh I was like you mac. I believed in all this stuff too. I really did. My posts read like yours. Telling people that if they prescribe to these rules and games that they will win the women they want. Who wants to win someone's love? Not me. Id rather earn it through honesty and integrity. Not some crap tactic that web site devised for immature people who aren't ready for a relationship.

It is stereotyping relationships and human being in general. Perhaps that's why you've had so many failed relationships mac. The games you play and this BS you believe don't seem to be working.

Are you sure your not Wildcat in another user name? It all sounds too familiar and this argument about games and tactics has been had and won by a lot smarter people than us mac. His crap has been called out before and shown what a load of BS it is.

As I said mac. I believed all this sh1t too once. I am just glad that through some critical thinking and advise from people a lot smarter than those who feed you this crap that I eventually seen it for what it is. I hope you will too one day!

Anyway, its off track. It isn't about me. I think the OP knows what is best. It is just a matter of whether he can apply it or not.

[tiodaat]

Sounds like you've been reading lovetactics and askmen and all the other web sites that promise success by applying their tactics.. Well done. Nice regurgitation of their sh1t!

I couldn't even be bothered reading it all to tell the truth.. Ive heard it all beofre and it is BS. Oh i was like you mac. I believed in all this stuff too. I really did. My posts read like yours. Telling people that if they prescribe to these rules and games that they will win the women they want. Who wants to win someones love?? Not me. Id rather earn it through honesty and integrity. Not some crap tactic that web site devised for immature people who arent ready for a relationship.

It is stereotyping relationships and human being in general. Perhaps thats why you've had so many failed relationships mac. The games you play and this BS you believe don't seem to be working.

Are you sure your not Wildcat in another user name? It all sounds too familiar and this argument about games and tactics has been had and won by a lot smarter people than us mac. His crap has been called out before and shown what a load of BS it is.

As i said mac. I believed all this sh1t too once. I am just glad that through some critical thinking and advise from people a lot smarter than those who feed you this crap that i eventually seen it for what it is. I hope you will too one day!

Anyway, its off track. It isn't about me. I think the OP knows what is best. It is just a matter of whether he can apply it or not.

Although I don't want to step into the middle of your discussion with Mac, I just wanted to point out that you are essentially answering my original question the same way--i.e. that I should not send my ex flowers.

Where you seem to differ is in how I should carry on with my life in the meantime, and how I should handle any future communication from her.

I have decided that I will not be sending the flowers--so thank you for that.

In terms of your subsequent advice, I am not sure what to say. I have never played games with anyone before, let alone someone that I care deeply about. And, I feel that ignoring someone on purpose, or things like that, ultimately is just playing games.

That said, I know my ex must have lost her attraction for me at some point, especially given that she more or less said "it's not that I don't like him (me), it's just that I didn't see our relationship going anywhere."

I don't know how, or if I even can, rekindle the attraction that she felt for me in the past. It seems like my best bet is to just try to be the best person that I can be. Maybe being more scarce in her life would be useful, too.

Like I said, I am really not sure what my best course of action is; but, I will not send the flowers based upon the advice given in this thread.

I had a really rough day today, for no particular reason, and am starting to feel anxious about still being so hung up on her some ~five weeks later.

Thanks for taking the time to offer some advice, whatever that may be.

[mckenzie134]

I know what you want andthat is to be back with her. The only chance you have is to do nothing and wait to she contacts you. This is not a game this is just practical advice. If you contact her well that's not gettinh you anywhere what are you going to say I WANT YOU BACK, therefore giving her all the control andshe will say " Im not ready' heard it all before. Wait for her call and take it from there. Don't remain friends and don't tell yourself if I can't have her I still want her in my life. If she doent want to be your girlfriend never ever contact her because what willhappen you will stay friends she will get a new guy anfd you will not hear from her again and you will even feel more used. She will string you along as a friend and then dump you as a friend as well and then you will be te ex friend as well as the ex boyfriend. That is what girls are like when they get a new guy your history...

So don't call don't contact and wait it out... good idea not to send the flowers.

Skell doest like the games but theseare not games just some real life tactics and when you think about it yourve been dumped so why are you doingthe chasing??

She told you your out so let her chase you if she missesyou. As hard it may be you must except that she is no longer wanting you I her life and until she does well you must move on no waiting!! She may call and if she does you must have a game plan in place!!

Games are the best way that's what wins a girls love and they don't even no it! That's why one minute they are in love and the next they are confused...

[kt1205]

I don't think it's a good idea if you want her back because I've learned when you want someone and you keep running to them it makes it worse. You have to get them to come to you.

[mckenzie134]

Actually skell I habent red any tactic guides just some thought which I have learnt and also the only reason my last relationship failed is because I was not implementng enough tactics I let her become comfortable . At first I had many in place always busy not always available make her ait but as 3 years went bye I let her further into my life and wated her to feel comfortable and in theend she said she loved me but didn't no if it was enough forever. She pretty much didt feel the same a sshe used to hen I was less aailable provingmy poin of making the girls miss you and believe they need you in there life, a common mistake men make is making them feel like you would not leave them, something I probably ended up falling into she thiuought I loved her so much, I think this is what happened to you as well she thought you would not be going anywhere and you probably always complimented her like myself and then they grow and leave and we get kicked to the curb. Where as implementing a few strategies and keeping them guessing would haveprobly kept them insteaad of having our stories on here...

[GoldieMae]

Coming from a person with some valuable dating experience, and a long term relationship to boot, games suck. Let me say that again: Games S-U-C-K.

I don't play them, I never tolerated them.

Put your cards on the table. If she doesn't want you, you'll know in a day, instead of playing this whole no contact-no flowers game and wasting a good month that could be spent sending flowers to an all new girl if this one's not interested.

Look, I know you love her, but if she doesn't feel the same way, it's much better to take the bad medicine now than in a month when the right one could have come and gone from your life.

[nicespringgirl]

Coming from a person with some valuable dating experience, and a long term relationship to boot, games suck. Let me say that again: Games S-U-C-K.

I don't play them, I never tolerated them.

Put your cards on the table. If she doesn't want you, you'll know in a day, instead of playing this whole no contact-no flowers game and wasting a good month that could be spent sending flowers to an all new girl if this one's not interested.

Look, I know you love her, but if she doesn't feel the same way, it's much better to take the bad medicine now than in a month when the right one could have come and gone from your life.

Agree, game sucks! Some flowers will change one's love and heart ? I doubt it. It's too much mind game, I can never understand people who concertrate it more than anything else in a relationship. It's a learning process, not a game!

[tiodaat]

Coming from a person with some valuable dating experience, and a long term relationship to boot, games suck. Let me say that again: Games S-U-C-K.

I don't play them, I never tolerated them.

Put your cards on the table. If she doesn't want you, you'll know in a day, instead of playing this whole no contact-no flowers game and wasting a good month that could be spent sending flowers to an all new girl if this one's not interested.

Look, I know you love her, but if she doesn't feel the same way, it's much better to take the bad medicine now than in a month when the right one could have come and gone from your life.

That's just it. I do love her, and yet I obviously managed to have the attraction she felt for me dissipate and or disappear.

I don't want to play any games, but I understand how people tend to work in general--want what they can't have/is scarce, sometimes question decisions they made, etc.

It seems like no flowers and NC might be my only chance of raising some doubt in her mind, and maybe sparking some attraction again if I can look pulled together if/when I see her again.

Is it worth the likely pain that I'll have to endure? I have no idea.

It's been almost five weeks now, though, and I feel as if my feelings for her have not changed in the least. I've never been hung up on someone like this before, and am starting to get concerned.