[Allison]

Here's my story... As a teenager, I dealt with a lot of depression and low self-esteem. I didn't date at all until I was a freshman in college. I was in a serious relationship with a guy for a year in my late teens. He asked me to sleep with him. But, I told him that although I was attracted to him, I wasn't planning on sleeping with any man except the man I married. He then wanted to marry me. I liked him, but I wasn't in love with him and I didn't want to get married, so we broke up.

Throughout my twenties, I was in love with a much older man. We never slept together although there was a very intense attraction and we talked about it all the time. I wanted to sleep with him, but I couldn't bring myself to because again, I needed to have a commitment. And, I knew that I wasn't going to get one from him. I'm a very sensitive person and I just could never imagine being that close to someone unless I loved him and felt very secure that he was committed to me.

The first guy, I didn't love. The second guy, I did love, but he wasn't committed to me. After I finally got over the second relationship, I've pretty much stayed away from serious relationships. There are many reasons for this, but one reason is that I think that most men would think badly of me for not being more sexually experienced. Once I got to be over 30 and a virgin, I started feeling very embarrassed about it. Although, I'm don't really wish I had done things differently. I just wish I had found the right person at a younger age so I wouldn't feel so different from everyone else.

I guess my question is, if you dated a woman like me, what would you think? And, what would you suggest that I tell a man I'm dating about this situation?

[letmeno]

I can't do anything but take my hat off to you!! :) Although I know that this is a depressing thought about being a 30 year old virgin, my impression of you is that you have super high standards about who it is that you are willing to share your body with and to me, there is nothing wrong with being very selective about who it is that you are going to sleep with.
Most men would find this frustrating, I say to h*** with them. Let them find something else to hump on! :)
If you come across a man that genuinly loves and cares for you, even after you have explained to him that you are a virgin, and your reasons for still being a virgin, the fact that you are not sexually experienced will mean nothing to him... if he really loves you.
You are a rare item these day's, virgins are darn near extinct. But I am almost 100% positive that the man who you will ultimately choose to do the deed with will be delighted that you chose to give your virginity to HIM.
Now a day's sleeping with the wrong person can cost you your life.
Just continue to be cautious about the men around you.
This way, you will find out who it is that is really intrested in YOU and who just want's to jump in your bed.

[fredg]

Hi,
My hat is off to you, too!!
There is absolutely nothing wrong in being a 30 yr old virgin. The decision of whether to have sex with anyone is strictly up to you.
If you meet a man who respects you, and you, him, and if it gets to the point you two are going to bed with each other, then tell him, and go from there.
If you don't get to that point with a man, then why bring it up?
If you don't want to have sex with him, then there is no reason to tell him you are a virgin. Whether you are a virgin or not, shouldn't keep you from having sex with the right man, if you feel you want to. The "call" is yours, no one else's.
I do wish you the very best, and congratulations for not giving in, until you feel the time, and the man, is right. It has to be "right" with you, and you willl know when that time comes. I am 63 yrs old, married 28 yrs, and in some yrs back, was in the same situation with a great lady... been there, done that.

[s_cianci]

Allison, if I were still single I'd love to date a woman like you. You've kept your standards and stuck with them. You never compromised your integrity and that is commendable beyond words. So many young women want so much to be liked that they will do literally anything , whether it's in their best interests or not. Many of them eventually come to regret it, often when they get to be your age or older and some go to their graves never admitting or realizing that they've made these mistakes. Either way, the damage is done and can't be undone. You've very wisely spared yourself all of that grief by having a conviction and sticking to it. Don't change a thing ; you obviously mean business and you'll be fortunate enough to attract a guy who also means business and that's what you need and want in a successful marriage.

[dimples]

My hats off to you, too! It takes a lot of determination & strong personality to be a virgin at 30. It only proves one thing. You do not jump into the sack with anyone. That, my friend is wisdom. In your teens, you sometimes feel the pressure to sleep around then later regret it. Sleeping with someone is one thing but when you love the guy & seriously considering him as your lifetime mate, it can be a magical experience. Do not think you are less for being a virgin. In fact, you should take pride on what you have just done which a lot of us have failed in. That is fighting off the big bad wolf for the past years. That is LUST.

[Starting62Met]

I'm 25 and have never had sex. It's had little to do with meeting the right person or marriage and mostly to do with lack of opportunities. Every relationship I've been in has been short. Never had a chance to have sex. Most girls I've been with treat me like crap, so I'm not too broken up about it. Then when I have been with wonderful girls, they suddenly find reasons to call it off after a few months. It feels like I'm going around in circles and I'm never going to fall in love and have a long term relationship, let alone have sex. If I were dating a woman like you, I'd wonder how long it would be before you'd break up with me for no good reason.

[dimples]

I'm 25 and have never had sex. It's had little to do with meeting the right person or marriage and mostly to do with lack of opportunities. Every relationship I've been in has been short. Never had a chance to have sex. Most girls I've been with treat me like crap, so I'm not too broken up about it. Then when I have been with wonderful girls, they suddenly find reasons to call it off after a few months. It feels like I'm going around in circles and I'm never gonna fall in love and have a long term relationship, let alone have sex. If I were dating a woman like you, I'd wonder how long it would be before you'd break up with me for no good reason.

Hey, do not feel bad about it. I think it is sweet. Most people who are virgins at a later age are some of the biggest romantics in the world & they can easily sweep you off your feet. Women are not so crazy about sex. We like it though we love the snuggling, embraces & hugs that come before & after even more. It is the emotional connection that counts most.

[Starting62Met]

Hey, do not feel bad about it. I think it is sweet. Most people who are virgins at a later age are some of the biggest romantics in the world & they can easily sweep you off your feet. Women are not so crazy about sex. We like it though we love the snuggling, embraces & hugs that come before & after even more. It is the emotional connection that counts most.

Well, I just broke up with my girlfriend today. She said that she thought I was a very passionate guy and that she felt it even when we were just hanging out and watching TV and stuff.

[thomas27]

Wow... some guys will think that's odd and some guys will be very attracted to you for it. It is a tuff situation, I'm sure you already know, because either way it will be tuff to find a guy. For example: 1) a guy might not talk to you for your lack of experience. 2) they may be turned on by the challenge and you don't want that purversion. Or 3) you may be intimidating to some. I would find you so attractive and so respectable that it might intimidate me (someone who has maybe too much experience). I would feel like I didn't deserve such a great person. >>> but you can change that. When you are seeing someone you like let them know that your not trying to be mother tereasa and that you are just saving yourself for the right time, the right guy, and for the right reasons. i think anyone can respect that.

[Katiy]

You are the cream of the crop. The older you are, and the single, the more you become the cream of the crop. Look at all those around you getting divorced. You can have a relationship in a city second.

[talaniman]

Do what you want no matter what anybody says cause "You Got It Like That"

[momincali]

I think that's so rare, a woman like you in this day and age to actually have standards and morals!! Wow! Any man would be lucky to have you and if you get a poor reaction upon telling a man that information, then he is no gentleman. Hold out for one of equal character as yourself, they do exist! ;)

[super_superstar]

Like you, I have high standards and expect them

I meet desperate women all the time. There are so many of them. Discounting what their mom and culture teaches them

95% of women in US have pre-marital sex, its been this way since the 60's, like mom like daughter, US is the real wild wild west and its funny that these women call themselves Christian

[faithl]

I'm 2 years from 30 and I've never slept with anyone either. Unlike you, I'm not waiting for marriage but I am waiting for the right person and to me this is very important. Like you I sometimes find it hard feeling so different from everyone else but I would rather still be a virgin now than have slept with someone unworthy just to stop being different. Good for you.

[Geoffersonairplane]

To be honest, if I met someone like you, and you told me that you were a virgin, I would respect you for it. I mean I would have respect for a woman also if she told me she had been sexually experienced but I would have more respect for you for firstly being honest and secondly, having very high standards and really having the depth to understand that Sex should be about two people who love each other sharing physical intimacy. The men you have been with before seem to have wanted to rush things just to experience sex with you and not really listening to what it is you want. You should not be embarrassed, you should feel special for wanting to give that part of yourself to someone who really loves and appreciates you. Maybe you just have not met him yet, but you will.. Ask yourself, would you want to lose it to someone you knew did not care for you and you him just to say that you were then sexually experienced? I doubt it.

Don't judge yourself by other people's standards.

[InkByte]

OK, this is going to sound old-fashioned, but my my wife had sex for the first time ever with each other on our wedding night. I was 25, she 21. But I have friends and relatives who have also stayed chaste throughout. My sister and her husband, she 26, he 30. My good friend at work was 44 (and chaste) when he married a 40-something divorcée. My wife's sister is now 41, never married, never had sex, and is very content with her life; though still looking for a man she can love and be with.

It will happen! Keep having faith, look inside yourself and decide that you want to be the best person you can! Find something about yourself that you'd like to improve and do it! Read good books, find good friends with the same values as you. It's can get tiring, but you can!!

My wife and I have ONLY been with each other for over 20 years now. We know that our love is stronger and that it's not the only thing we share in our marriage with ONLY each other. We share the happiness and the sadness and the thrills and the spills. But, even now, we look in each other's eyes and know that our love is constant, strong, and vibrant.

Good luck!!

[SweetDee]

First of all let me just quickly address the entire age related virgin thing. We live in a society that promotes sex and youthfullness. Consequently, we have children having sex earlier and earlier due to this. In this day and age, with the way the "baby boomers" have been raising their children we are seeing fewer and fewer "adults" in their 20's, but instead the age of maturity is more seen in men and women in their 30's. (Men are not "marriage material" in their 20's as much as in their 30's anymore, even if the biological clock is thumping in the chest of 20-something year old women... ). Men are marrying later... women are having kids later.

1. What would I think about you still being a virgin at 30? Well, I'm female so I think that you simply have had your reasons not to want to have sex. I believe that a woman who wants to hold on to her virginity till she's married is woman whom has her convictions. It's your body, YOUR CHOICE. If I were a man of ANY HONOUR I would respect that.

2. What should you say about it? Say the truth. You have not been lucky in love so far and when you find a man that you are in love with and is in love with you then it becomes a situation "worthy" of your lust/sexuality. You feel that marriage comes first. You said so yourself that you have not had situations w/ men in your prior experience that led you to matrimony. There is absolutely NOTHING to be embarrassed or ashamed about... many people choose not to have sex prior to marriage. Just because you are in your 30's (in this day and age... ), means nothing. Say, "I believe in sex after marriage. I haven't been fortunate yet, to find the man of my dreams"... is what I would say. Xoxoxo

[sallyv]

He mustn't judge you on if you're a virgin or not. My friends and I are virgins and you should always feel attractive, I'm sure guys find you attractive. By the way if you'd like to join my virgin female only group then tell me.

[hardrockfanatic]

As someone who made a few mistakes earlier in my life, I want to say my respect level is extremely high for you. With age comes wisdom and while I will admit younger people who act on impulse might not understand your decision, those of us in our 30's and older wish we had the strength you have shown. If anything that makes you more of an attractive person to me than less.

[MiSSsy111222]

It's a good thing! Don't be embarrassed. You have respect for yourself. Unfortunately some women lose this. Your husband will be a lucky man.