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Becca1025 · Jul 20, 2007, 07:35 PM

I know I want my fiancé in there with me, but I don't know about my mom and mother in law. They're the type who keep giving me advice that I am sick of hearing. You know the "you should do this, you should do that, don't do this, dont do that, well I did this and it was okay, I didnt do this so you shouldn't" One says get the epidural, the other says don't. One says water birth the other says not to. There's more but I can only type so much. It's getting so annoying and agrravating. I don't want them in the delivery room telling me what I should be doing. Especially since whenever I am under stress or in pain, I get very mean and b*tchy and I really do not want to offend anyone. So pretty much they are out. How do I tell them I only want my fiancé in there with me? Also were you covered throughout the entire delivery? I don't want family members coming in and out seeing me. (very self conscious it's fine for the doc, nurse and hubby but nobody else). I know people keep telling me "oh you wont care by then" but the thing is that I DO care and I will care then also. Who did you have in the delivery room with you? What did your spouse say once your baby was born?

J_9 · Jul 20, 2007, 07:42 PM

I had my husband, the doctor and the nurse. Why? Because a child is conceived in private, and should be born in private (with the necessary medical personnel mind you).

nauticalstar420 · Jul 20, 2007, 07:43 PM

With my first son, I had no one :( (my husband was out to sea with the Navy... I even DROVE myself to the hospital.. lol)

With my second son, the only person I had was my husband. :)

J_9 · Jul 20, 2007, 07:44 PM

Conceived in private, delivered in private. My opinion.

nauticalstar420 · Jul 20, 2007, 07:45 PM

Oh, and my husband was so happy at first, he didn't care about the whole labor process. But later on, he said it was the nastiest thing he'd ever seen.. lol

J_9 · Jul 20, 2007, 07:47 PM

You can talk to the nurse ahead of time to limit who you want to be where when. They will respect that. I had visitors throughout labor, but when it came time for delivery everyone was OUT.

You have your right to privacy and your right to ask for privacy. You don't need anyone there during cervical checks and whatnot.

You actually RULE your labor and delivery. Whatever you want, tell the nurse, she will make sure you get what you want. That is our job.

nauticalstar420 · Jul 20, 2007, 07:56 PM

Becca1025 agrees: OMG drove yourself! I bet that was tons of fun!

Oh yeah, lots of fun ;) I was 6 cm dilated when I got to the hospital. Its hard to concentrate on driving, and try to ignore contractions at the same time.. lol

J_9 · Jul 20, 2007, 07:57 PM

Remember, it is OUR job to deal with what you do and what you don't want. Just tell your nurse what your wishes are.

Becca1025 · Jul 20, 2007, 07:57 PM

I plan on telling the nurse that I don't want people in there when I am being examined or go into the delivery room. (except for the father of the baby, he will be there and will see all since he did help me get preggo) But how do I tell the moms without hurting their feelings?

nauticalstar420 · Jul 20, 2007, 07:59 PM

Originally Posted by Becca1025

I plan on telling the nurse that I dont want people in there when I am being examined or go into the delivery room. (except for the father of the baby, he will be there and will see all since he did help me get preggo) But how do I tell the moms without hurting their feelings?

Just say this is an experience for you and your significant other to share. This is a time for you two to welcome your baby and bond with him/her right away. The mother's didn't help make the babies, so they should not be there when the baby is coming into this world.

Also, if it makes you uncomfortable for them to be there, make sure you tell them that too. :)

shygrneyzs · Jul 20, 2007, 08:15 PM

The delivery room is not a circus. There is plenty of time for your Mother and future Mother-in-law to see the baby AFTER the baby is born. My husband was not even in the delivery room and that is because it was a C-Section and he did not want to see it. So there were many people in the OR/delivery room, but they were medical staff.

J_9 · Jul 21, 2007, 09:11 AM

The grandmothers will understand. Remember, they went through labor and delivery at least once themselves.

Now, if you feel uncomfortable about telling them this. The nurses are trained to handle these situations. Explain right at the very beginning, when you are in your room and being admitted, that you only want the father of the baby present during exams and delivery. It is our job as nurses to usher the family members out of the room. They have done this hundreds, if not thousands, of times.

bekah876 · Jul 21, 2007, 09:17 AM

If your mother and mother-in-law don't understand or get mad because they can't be in the delivery room then that is their problem. Simply tell them you want this to be a bonding experience between you, the baby, and the baby's father. They should understand that. Tell them they are welcome to come in before and after delivery. I have never experienced labor and delivery but whenever my friends and family members have gone through it the nurse or doctor always clears the room before examining you. Like J_9 said, that is there job. They will keep it a private matter and you do stayed covered up when not being examined.

automansgirl · Jul 21, 2007, 10:04 AM

I'm really glad this was mentioned. I'm disappointed because the hospital I will be delivering at only allows two visitors at a time, even during labor. All of my family lives out of state, so I will want them all to be able to be with me while I'm laboring. Now, during delivery is a different story. I wonder if I will want my mother in the room or not, but my feelings right now are that I won't. I usually give in so as not to make her feel bad. She was okay with my niece being born and not being in the delivery room, but it wasn't her daughter. I'm not sure she will be okay with not being in there with me. The only reason I worry about it is because even if I tell her she will give me the guilt trip, and I will find it difficult not to let it affect my mental state during delivery. Guess I'll just have to be extra firm with her.

nauticalstar420 · Jul 21, 2007, 10:08 AM

Originally Posted by automansgirl

I'm really glad this was mentioned. I'm disappointed because the hospital I will be delivering at only allows two visitors at a time, even during labor. All of my family lives out of state, so I will want them all to be able to be with me while I'm laboring. Now, during delivery is a different story. I wonder if I will want my mother in the room or not, but my feelings right now are that I won't. I usually give in so as not to make her feel bad. She was okay with my neice being born and not being in the delivery room, but it wasn't her daughter. I'm not sure she will be okay with not being in there with me. The only reason I worry about it is because even if I tell her she will give me the guilt trip, and I will find it difficult not to let it affect my mental state during delivery. Guess I'll just have to be extra firm with her.

My mom was in a different state when my kids were born, but even if she was around I wouldn't have let her in the delivery room. To me, it would have been weird. Me (naked except for a little gown), my husband (standing there with a blank stare on his face), and my mom (Lord knows what she would have been doing).

To me, my mom does not fit into this equation. It should be me, my husband and our new baby. Not me, my husband, our new baby and my mom. To me it just doesn't equal out right :)

J_9 · Jul 21, 2007, 10:10 AM

Automan's girl. You do not have to be firm with anyone. If you don't want your mother in the room. Tell the nurses.

During labor and delivery they are there to serve you. They are there to do what you ask. Labor and delivery are your special times, us nurses are there at your beck and call. WE respect YOUR wishes, not the wishes of the family.

Tell your nurse upon admission just who you do and do not want in the room and when. The nurse's responsibility is to follow your wishes regarding visitors when it comes to that critical moment.

Just tell your nurse.

nauticalstar420 · Jul 21, 2007, 10:14 AM

J_9 agrees: Exactly right, it was not you, your mom, and your husband in the room when your baby was conceived.

That's how I see it too. My husband's mom wanted to come down from Kentucky to be there for the baby being born, but she didn't end up coming when I said she couldn't come in the delivery room. To me, that's a bit childish.

I mean excuse me if I don't want a huge audience watch me contract, sweat, push and all that other good stuff that happens when you're in labor.