[alternative54]

Me and MY girlfriend of almost 2 years have had an up and down relationship.mostly on the up ecept for the last 6 months or so. She's 20 and I'm 24. I was burned and cheated on bad in my last relationship and caried on habits of questioning and privacy invasion toward her in this relationship,from that one to this one. She' an Outgoing girl and has had men Come knocking on the door before because she doesn't know how to be outgoing yet, not lead men on. And when thoes men would leave messages or send flirtasious e-mails to her,I'd lose my cool , and we broke up over that exact e-mail 6months ago, for one ful day. We agreed to call it a break and did have a 2 week hiadous. Then we got back together until I fell back into my old pattern of question her,and her friends until I drove her to the point where she had to lie about where she was, as to not get me angry.She recently had a death in the family a close cousin of hers and the first time she's dealt with emotions and feelings of a lose, that weekend she went home early , and ended up at a guyfriends house whom I had a problem with(he has preyed on other mens women before)she lied about going there and I found out that night, we argued, I forgave. She said they just hung out at his house with his sister and her two friendsand drank beer,I waited tilll the weekend was over before I brought the issue up again, as the weekend was about grieving and the funeral. I brought it up maturly to say we needed to set some boundaries, she said sure and went to play baseball the next day(her guy friend is on the team) so I left for home early, she calls me at noon says she having lunch with the team and BANG, I snap back into my pattern of trust abuse ask her if she's sitting beside him---she told me "once i asked that it put her over the edge". She came over that night and broke up with me.
Life's been HEART BROKEN HELL ever since, I've done everything people have told me not to and would only push her away further, BY: Crying like a baby in front of her and asking for her back(the first time, that night of the breakup, plus manny texts, where she said"i need this in my life right now") , (second attempt) Going over to her place and collecting my things and making one last attempt save it by giving her an old letter of hers,a new sobstory letter and a pic of us together. She also had a diffferent look in her eyes a new sense of maturity or of moving on that scared the hell out of me. I quit going to ball for a while, Checked myself into therapy because I Realized That I didn't want to be that kind of UNTRUSTING person any more, with or without her, then I called her, She still loves me she said and she hasn't totally moved on yet. I 'm at ball again putting on an act of a strong, happy, changed man. No contact otherwise. How can I make her see, I want to be better,and make her maybe change her mind?just keep up the I'm moving on act, make her miss me? I'm really confused and need advice. I AM DOING THESE THINGS FOR ME NOT HER, BUT I DON'T WANT TO LOSE HER, I want to be that happy trusting man and Therapy is teaching me skills on how to be that, I also want to get past this and be together again. Any Ideas ? Thanks for your thoughts, Advice and time...

[mckenzie134]

Well therapy may help I had a relationship started 8 years agowent for four years and then she cheated was devastated and started a new relationship 3 months later wth an amazing girl who I learnt that trust is one of the most important things in a relationship.

You need to sit down and I don't believe therapy is needed for this.I had the same propblem going into my next relationship hen I met this girli kept thinkig about how my ex had hurt me and cheatedand my trust was lost. But one day my new girlfriend said to me because I mentioned something abut people trusting each other and she said well if you wanted to cheat on me I would notno about it and there is nothing I could do about it.

Iwent home and my life and outlook on having agirlfriend changed. I realised onething my girlfriend had heaps ofguys chasingher but at the and of the night who was she going home with ME!! That's RIGHT ME YES ME!!

Alll these guys wanted her were all over her and yet she chose me, if she wanted them she can have them and you know what the more I seemed not to carr who she was talking to the more she wanted me and the further she fell in love with me!!

Ive learnt one thing and I think you should put thi into your life. Its pretty simple, you cannot change what your girlfriend will do but you can help your chances of her not leaving my not being jealous not worrying who she is with not worrying what she is doing with them, because the more you worry I'm sorry to say the more likely you will push her away. This sounds wrong but is totally true, you never worry if she's cheating never worry who she's talking to because in the end she has chosen you and you know what if she wanted another guy she would not be going home with you se would be with him.

It will take a lot of mind power to adopt this but my life has become so much better and you will notice your girlfriend will love you so much more because girls LOVE yes LOVE guys who are confident and don't worry what she is doing!! The mnore youworry the more you will lose her!!

Its very simple NEVER worry and enjoy yourself let her worry about you!!
This will work forget the therapy and just tell yourself she is my girlfriend and she can talk to who ever she likes if she doesn't want me wellshe doesn't want to be with me but in the end buddy if she doesn't wnt you, well you can't keep her... Its more likely she stays when she wonders what your doing. SO NEVER WORRY PLAY IT COOL LET HER DO WHAT SHE WANTS You're the MAN!! She will loveb you for this!!

[talaniman]

I understand the pain and confusion, and there is only on thing to do, and that is to focus on your own issues, and leave her alone while you do it. No one can know how long it will take, or if the two of you get back together, but you must deal with your trust issues, and the insecurities that come with it, or you will never have a healthy relationship with her, or anyone else. Leave her alone and get busy.

[alternative54]

I agree, I just wish she'd realize that she alowwed me to think some of thoes things and that it takes to to dance sorat thing. I wish she'd realize it's a mistake and believe in me and come to me and want to get back together. But we can always dream I know there's NOTHING I can do aside from concentrate on me. Is there?

[talaniman]

She will make her own choices.