[Singy]

I totally agree with talaniman... You go out and have fun... He knows your situation, so that's not so bad... Try not to talk about your situation as you should try and keep your mind off things...
I think it is wonderful - enjoy it :)))))

[JCDance]

I'm going through the same thing she is. I've been engaged for a year and a half. He's ending not only the engagement but the relationship. I keep hoping he'll change his mind, but I don't see it happening. I'm sick to my stomach all the time over this, cried a well of tears, absolutely devastated, as he was my best friend and a love that grew over 5 years. He was my creative partner, my life partner. I really don't know how to go on, but somehow I will. I guess that's what Denial and Distraction are for.

[rol]

Sorry to hear that JCdance... but you will go on.. and you will be fine.

Oh gosh so many stories like this out there,
Another friend of mine got engaged 4 months ago after 8 years together and the guy totally changed in 4 months so she had to break it off...

Seriously I wonder was engagement always like this...

[talaniman]

Change, or what people perceive as change, scares the hell out of some people.

[rol]

OK thanks Tal..

Weird really since the only change in a lot of cases is a ring on the finger lol

[talaniman]

And making a promise before God and everyone else. I really don't believe that this fear of commitment attitude comes up all of a sudden. I think it was always there, but never dealt with until a big event such as the wedding, comes up.

[rol]

Yeah my ex was fine until we began the lovely marriage course and the "forever " was mentioned and the priest was complaining at us,
Rather funny now when I think about it.

Yeah perhaps the fear is just deeprooted in them and as Val(whereever she is!) would say
The people who chose these guys also have their own commitment fears that need to be worked on(as we chose these type of guys).

[Singy]

I think what you say makes so much sense Rol... This must be another type of "law of attraction" -

[rol]

Ha ha yeah exactly Singy ;-)

The commitment phobe law of attraction...

Well its nice to feel in a good place again as I know you are also.

Good for us!

[rol]

Here's more on this subject. Ive been studying it for the last year now and there are some good books on the subject.

I think everyone who gets involved with a Commitment phobic guy has their own little Commitment issues. They may not be major and they may not be relationship killers, but I believe having read up on Commintment phobic issues, that if you are dating a CP, then you have some of those tendencies yourself.

To place the blame on another is simply to deny that you have work to do for yourself. I understand it is easy to rationalise away in our own minds that as an individual we are perfectly healthy when we fall for a Commitment phobic partner. Experts in the field seem to believe otherwise and I tend to agree with them.

So for the girls in this thread I think it's a good idea to work on those issues instead of rushing into dating.
Otherwise you will attract the same type of guy again.

[talaniman]

Sometimes we are so intent on what we want, we don't stop to see what it is we are getting.

[helpnow]

Well I went on that date I got asked out on and it went surprisingly well... I had mentioned we had known each other for over a year now and funny thing is he said he always felt a bit of a connection even when I was with my ex but obviously was never going to act on it. Funny how things work out huh.

[Maryland]

Hey,

I'm just curious how things are going for you? I am in a similar situation with my ex-boyfriend and am curious if you still see things working out between you and your ex?

M

[Singy]

Hello all, I have been in the same situation.. Yesterday after 7 months of being broken off, I called his mom to wish her a happy birthday and she told me how sorry she was to hear about our situation. Anyway she also told me how happy she was to hear from me... As I am always in some sort of contact with my ex, he asked me to join him and his mom for dinner last night. I went there. It was as if we had never been separeted. All was really good. At the end he thanked me and we kissed goodbye - on the cheeks and I came home.. There is some sort of flirting going on I guess but I am still waiting for him to ask me out just the 2 of us... I guess I will wait and not mention anything until he does... Positive thinking helps... I believe at some level he will come back. It's just a feeling I have. But time will tell...

[rol]

Can you tell us some info about your situation Maryland.

One thing I am sure of is don't stay in a grey situation for too long.

You can search for the first post under my name, I've added all my updates there for my situation.

[pulpfiction]

I agree with Hockey1014, give time and space, if he loves you, he will contact you, be patient, and yes, do not call him, it would only pressure him and give him stress again.

Good luck!

[Maryland]

My boyfriend of three years broke up with me about a month ago. We had been living together for two years and friends for about 8. We had what I thought was a wonderful relationship. We had talked about a future together but new neither one of us were quite ready for marriage. About a month before our breakup he said he was really worried about long term commitment. He was worried about hurting me but just felt like he wasn't ready to make a decision. We went to a few sessions of counseling and then he said that we should breakup because it wasn't fair for him to be undecided. We were both very sad. I have tried to keep my distance. No calling or emailing. He is hurt that I don't want to remain his friend.

I know all evidence is pointing for me to assume all is lost. I am sincerely trying to follow that course. I have kept myself busy, reached out to friends and family, gone to therapy... The problem is that of course I'm still wondering if he just needs a little time to sort out his issues. I think I already know that it doesn't really matter, I have to move on, but I can't seem to let go of a little hope.

Do these things ever work out?

I'm 30 and he's 31 so it's not that we're too young to be making a commitment.

[helpnow]

Well update on my situation - I am moving on and not looking back. He has emailed me once since the last conversation on the phone almost three weeks ago now and I have made a conscious decision to not emotionally wait for him. There are always more guys out there and I don't need one that is scared of being with me in the long term - it is a blessing in disguise.

[qponcat]

First time ever on this site. I love it!! I read all the replies for helpnow's question. Reading this is like reading a romance book. By the way helpnow, you could write a book on this subject. It will keep you occupied and maybe make you rich. You could also help the readers of the book with their own similar situations.

I have been with my boyfriend for 10 years now. I am 36 he is 42. He is a wonderful person and he is set in his ways. We have yet to set a date for marriage. He let me know when we first started dating that he wasn't into the marriage thing. Our relationship isn't really based on getting married, but we do talk about spending the rest of our lives together. We have 3 homes between us. He has a 2 bedroom house he lives in, I live in a single wide trailer with my 14 year old son, and then we rent out a 3 bedroom house.

We are in the process of starting our dream home in April of 2008. Yippee. I can't wait . We sat down last week and drew out our house plans on a piece of filler paper. (redneck blueprints) LOL... He is a very hard working country boy ( MAN) that treats me to back rubs and comes in from a hard days work with wild flowers behind his back.

I admit we have had our ups and downs. We have argued, fussed and broken up for short periods. But, we always seem to work it out. If I ever lost him, I would be lost. Our problem is: he goes to church every time the doors are open. That is a good thing. Myself, I don't attend church with him, very seldom do I go for preaching. Reason is, I feel like the members of the church look down on us for not being married. Everyone is always suggesting that we get married so that we don't live in sin. I get so mad for their remarks they make and I don't go back for months at a time. It is our choice to remain Bf and Gf . If we ever decide to get married, we will do it and make the best of it. Right now everything is fine and we are happy with our relationship. We make our own decisions about our future and all is well. By the way, over the last ten years, this redneck country boy has bought me boo-koos of diamond rings, gold necklaces, diamond earrings, new vehicles, tanning bed and has been my best friend. I guess you could say he spoils me. That's OK though, It proves to me that he loves me and wants to make me happy. Sorry I bragged, but after the sad stories I read here, I wanted to post a good story. I hope that helpnow's story ends like a fairytale. She seems as though she has went through the first part of the Cinderella story. I believe there is a happy ending to that story. Right!! She finds her prince and they live happily ever after...

[pulpfiction]

Hello there, I'm very glad you're moving on helpnow, I'm doing the same, because I finally got, he's not coming back, or visit me anymore, besides I have a lot of doubts about his behaviour, and why he has so many debts, the fact is I know he doesn't need me in his life, so I decided to move on, the good thing about this, is that I let him know all, and we broke up in good terms, I was calm, and he is, so everything's back to normality, besides I have a guy who wants to go out with me, hehehe though I don't know! We'll see what happens.

Back to the subject, Cheers for you!! We will find other men who can be matture enough to not be afraid of the commitment they asked for once! ;)