[Squonk]

Ok, 11 months after her splitting up with me, numerous rogue texts professing to be missing me, cancelling trips last minute because she wasn't ready and her then dating someone else for a while, she now wants to meet because I let her know I'm moving away. She is currently single (so she says!)

She is flying over in early November with "no strings".

Im cool with it and am looking forwards to seeing her but nave no pre-conceived ideas about what this means.

Advice on how to proceed is required folks. Bring me in on this one. I guess she wouldn't be coming if she didn't feel something but who knows..

Squonk.

[fredg]

Hi,
You are right about the "don't know what she wants"...
All you can really do is just wait and find out what she wants, why, and talk with her.
Please don't have a lot of preconveived ideas, and let it sway your thinking. She does want to see you, hence flying over to meet you. This could be the start of something really good, if you want it to be, and depending on what she says.
I sincerely do wish you the best, and again, might be the start of something!

[Squonk]

Thx Fred

So, do I chill and wait for her to steer things?

I have just had a fun "nothing" text from her, having not heard anything since last Friday. Its funny how I hear nothing for a few days then bam!

Im keeping my feet on the ground, I've been burnt before but this does feel a little different. I think we have both changed a bit which is a good thing.

Fred, can a new relationship come out of the ruins of an old one after time apart?

[DJ 'H']

I think you need to stay open minded and follow your instincts.

Wait until she flys over to see you and see how you read the situation then. Actions always speak louder than words.

If you are meant to be together then things will happen naturally; don't push anything. It could be that the first time you were together wasn't the right time and now could be the right time. Your instincts will steer you in the right direction.

However, You are right to keep your feet firmly on the ground - always best to be a little cautious.

[Wildcat21]

Squonk...

Because ALL you've been through with this gal... be willing to walk away - YOU NEED THAT ATTITUDE NOW!! No more sick puppy/lap dog - don't take anymore of her crap. Have a spine - SHOW HER YOU'VE CAHNGED!!

Be willing and READY to say "Ok, bye"

Hopefully she has changed as well.

She WATS and this gal really needs a MAN that makes her feel safe.

BE A FUN GUY. No pressure. No difficult questions. Just be happy to see her.

Make sure to tease, LISTEN to her, make some fun. Have things

[Wildcat21]

And for th love of god. Do not over communicate.

You seem to get insecire of very minor stuff.

[Squonk]

Thx guy's. I feel good about myself. My dignity has returned and I'm far enough removed from the situation to see it for what it really is, and to be honest I'm not bothered. I know what I'm about, if anyone (including my ex) wants a piece of it then come on in. If not then no worries. I feel like I'm in control of the situation and my emotions.

Wildcat, you have have been there from the start on this and you are right, I have been insecure about certain things, mainly because I didn't understand what the frigging hell was going on. Im still a little unsure about how to play her funky behaviour, but I hear what you are saying. Your advice as this unfolds would be helpful. Today I got some idle chat on text for example. How would you play that?

DJ' H, thanks for your support too, I hear what you are saying and value your input. Im cool with slow.

[Wildcat21]

Fire away on the questions.

I know she's long distance, but the test thing kind of sucks. Woman ALWAYS take the written word differently than what we mean. I really think text is bad for business as far as love goes. Too much communication

Answer her questions with more questions - make fun. She'll love you. Never give a straight answer if you can help it. See wha tshe really wants - these aren't games.

YOU are the man - you are the prize. No pedestal for her - she never deserved it. She has to EARN the right to be an equal - especially now - the ladies may not agree - BUT, they know I am right - that's how women want to be treated by a significant other.

[Wildcat21]

You need to work on your inner game dude. Don't make things important. Take it one step at a time.

[Squonk]

I can feel that now. I am indeed the prize and I think she knows it. The best bit is I don't care what she thinks anymore.

Im going to keep you in the loop over the next two weeks leading up to the meet so you can see how it unfolds.

Hope you don't mind.

[Wildcat21]

Please do - I don't want to see my boys go through heartache - it's avoidable.

This is a big weekend - you MIGHT be repulsed when you see her? Or she may be the gal for you.

[Squonk]

Yeah I know what you mean. Im wondering how I will react when I see her. Obviously I won't let her know what I'm thinking but it will be interesting. Pride may well have a few things to say to my conscience!

Briefly, how did you get back with your ex (what did you do to woo her back) and how long did it take Wildcat?

[s_cianci]

It's been 11 months since the two of you have split up. There was obviously no real commitment there to begin with and now you're moving away. Enjoy it as a weekend rendez-vous and then think nothing more of it. To quote Willem Dafoe's character (Norman Osborne) from the movie Spiderman , "Do what you need to with your little girlfriend, then broom her fast!" Otherwise, she'll only try to continue manipulating you and playing head games with you, which is what she's doing righ now. You don't want to allow that to happen, so don't open the door for it to happen.

[Wildcat21]

That's horrendous advice. You're trying to make a joke of this? You know nothing about his gu yand his situation and you tell him that. Ridiculous. You're clueless on LD relationships.

Some love that's longer to develop. The have a connection.

My advice - you stop giving advice.

[s_cianci]

Wildcat, I'm sure you have good intentions but you need some serious lessons on respecting opinions and beliefs that are different from your own. You may not agree with my response and it's certainly your prerogative to disagree but you cannot lash out at people just because they think differently from you. If I lashed out at every poster on this forum that I've disagreed with the way you do, I'd have made many enemies by now and would probably have people beating down my door wanting to kill me this very second. In reality, I know just as much about this guy and his situation as you do, having read the same post as you did. You yourself have responded to many posters warning them about getting too serious and hopeful too fast, and rightly so. Now, obviously you and I are reading the same words but perhaps deciphering different "latent" meanings behind them, or to put it in more colloquial terms, "reading between the lines." She split up with him 11 months ago ; that's almost a year. To say that they "have a connection" is a stretch at best and downright folly at worst. You can't "have a connection" with someone you haven't even seen in almost a year. Now she's flying out to visit him after learning of his plans to relocate and after having dated several other men, with "no strings attached." Now I'm sorry, but it just doesn't sound like this woman's intentions are on the up-and-up. It definitely seems like she's got an ulterior motive here and this guy, I believe, should be warned not to be taken in by it. I've personally experienced and observed these kinds of things too many times before to not be suspicious. Therefore I believe that right now it's in this guy's best interests to just have fun with her while he can, then forget it and move on. Either that, or he should just tell her not to even bother flying out, that he can't see her right now. Your own responses to others on this forum, of which there are many, are always centered around the theme of being "mysterious", "not too available", etc. and in this case yes, that's right on the money. Now I may be mistaken and she may in fact have intentions that are more honorable then they seem. If that's the case then it'll become evident and then I may eventually revise my response to this particular situation. However, right now I feel that he needs to play it cool and keep his guard up. Given the general nature of your responses to other posters on this forum it's rather surprising that you don't agree with me on this one. Regardless, in this day and age, tolerance is not only a virtue but a necessity. You can always disagree with someone but must do so agreeably . Of course, don't confuse tolerance with acceptance. I don't want to turn this into a pissing contest, but when people communicate on an open forum such as this they must have respect for other opinions and beliefs that are not their own. I'm sorry if my original response struck a nerve with you but that'll happen sometimes.

[mattyd22]

Just a personal experience here: (no not my current situation posted elsewhere on the forum) After me and my ex of 4 and a half years broke up, I felt I needed a change. After about 6 months or so, I decided to move 12 hours away. During this 6 month time, she would NOT talk to me at all. But one day I decided to call her house and her mohter answered (who still talked to me). I told her that I was moving and she told my ex. 10 minutes later my ex called and told me she wanted to see me before I left. We met at a coffee place that day and we spend the entire day together until about 2 in the morning. But in the end, she left crying and nothing came of it. So she may just want to see you one last time. Hopefully for you, a spark will fly again when you see her. I just though I'd share a similar story with you. Good luck!

[momincali]

I've just gone through this entire thread and I have learned quite a bit. Wildcat, you have really come through for Squonk and helped him build some muscle in places where he really needed it, great job! You have been a true guide and advisor, I applaud you Sir W. Squonk, good luck and stay strong. Coming from a woman, don't you dare let her throw you off your game!

[Squonk]

Everyone, first off, many thanks for your interest and support. Your kind words of encouragemet or otherwise are truly welcomed and always heeded.

First off, Wildcat, as ever I thank you for your insight. Without doubt I have been the king of all wuss's over the past year and half and thankfully after listening to your advice I'm beginning to appreciate the value of backing off. What's more, having done this I'm beginning to see things in a clearer light and that includes other women! I can now look at other women and think that yes I would like to date you. Additionally, I'm not too bothered about this other chick now which is why I believe (although time will tell) I'm ready to face her. ANd what's more, having listened to your advice I know exactly how to play it.

S-cianci, I hear what you are saying and I thank you for your advice. It is good to be reminded of how volatile this meet could be for me emotionally but I think I'm ready to take it on. As Ive said I expect nothing. Im actually a wealthy guy and I have a great life ahead of me that will be fun, exciting and happy. For me this meet will be me showing her this with "no strings attached" from my perspective too. If she goes away knowing for sure that I am not the one then I am very happy for her. At last I know that if she doesn't come around someone will. So thanks for your advice and I assure you I will be strong.

mattyd22 - thanks for the heads up.

momincali - these are great words. Wildcat has certainly slapped me into shape and rightfully so. At last I'm beginning to get it! :rolleyes: And I promise you that I won't let this chick throw me off my game. To hear you say that makes me feel really good, so thanks again.

Anyway, two weeks to go. I haven't contacted her at all. I get the occasional text but nothing heavy. I did miss an international call two nights ago but there was no message. It may have been her.

So, I'll sit tight and see what happens!

Thx again everybody, I will be back for more advice.

[Wildcat21]

"Without doubt I have been the king of all wuss's over the past year and half and thankfully after listening to your advice im beginning to appreciate the value of backing off." - So true.

Remember - she's LUCKY to be with you. You are the prize. She needs to earn the chance to be your equal (women may get mad at me when I say that - BUT, it's what women want).

[Wildcat21]

Monincali... thanks! Yes Squonk has come a long way.