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Uprince · Jul 17, 2007, 01:28 PM

Move On... don't Put Your Life On Hold If Its Meant To Be She'll Be Back But Who's To Say You'll Want Her...

Flyguy1784 · Jul 17, 2007, 01:30 PM

I hear you on that one

itit · Jul 17, 2007, 02:16 PM

I think you played it perfect, keep it up! And just get out there with your friends even if it is hard to get the motivation make yourself and you will have fun. It is easy to focus on the negatives but I would say you have two have a good chance, so stay positive and for now move on.

itit · Jul 17, 2007, 02:18 PM

Sorry... I meant to say "you two have a good chance" in my lat post.

Flyguy1784 · Jul 17, 2007, 02:24 PM

Thanks itit yeah I think we do it just needs time... the big man has a plan for us maybe she is in the plan he has for me maybe not but I need to start living and be happy.

mckenzie134 · Jul 17, 2007, 06:15 PM

Yourve done OK. But come on I hear what you are saying by you will be fine without her but her wanting to date other guys. You should have told her if she needs to date other guys to realise what she wants then you tell her well I'm not interested in a girl like that...

She may come back but I doubt it once she starts dating other guys your out mate. You must make a stance before this occurs. Anyway don't listen to a word she's saying and if she rings again Don't answer she is slowly pulling away here, if a girl mentions she wants to date others she already knows she doesn't want you... I know its easy to tell yourself she needs to date others to figure out if she really wants me!! NOT TRUE... 100% not true if she needs to date others she already knows you are not the one but if she can fall back on you she will. If she calls again and you talk tell her yourve decided if she wishes to date others there is no futuire for the two of you and tellher you want someone who knows what they want and anyone whio wants to date others is not someone you see you spending your life with!!

SAY IT MATE AND SAVE YOURSELF THE HEARTACHE... If you werethinking clearly you would say it! THINk about it your girl wants to date other guys how disrepectful towards you is that yourve been there for her held her and now she wants to try out some other guy!! Get with the program flyguy you should have given her a piece of your mind and said if your thinking of day=ting others yourve got no chancve with me and hung up!!

That's telling her with balls that you don't take this crap...

Jiser · Jul 18, 2007, 01:39 AM

There's no plan its over. She doesn't want you. End of! Big rejection and ego hit, but hey, next?

talaniman · Jul 18, 2007, 04:01 AM

But I need to be happy and not having her shouldn't destroy my ability to have fun if I am happy on my own then imagine how happy I would be with her.

Sorry guy, its time to deal with reality right now, and let this one go completely. For all the reasons you've stated and the facy that she is growing and changing, for your own health, you must move on, and not look back. Do not contact her, and don't hold out hope that she will be back. For now I don't think you should take her calls either as if you read the posts of others here, that's when the confusion and chaos starts and the misery and pain. Get healthy, and get over her.

mckenzie134 · Jul 18, 2007, 05:00 AM

No more contact till she says i want you back!! How simple is that flyguy!! If she messages you saying " WHY ARNTYOU TALKING" don't reply never reply you <ust wait she must say" I WANT YOU BACK" i miss you!!

Can't get any easier than that can it!! Do it!! Never talk again till you here those words...

talaniman · Jul 18, 2007, 05:10 AM

anyone who wants to date others, is not someone you see you spending your life with!!

I have to agree.

Flyguy1784 · Jul 18, 2007, 06:04 AM

That's a great point chances are she is going to go out date other people and she may or may not find better but I want to be with someone that knows they want me not with someone who wants me as a backup plan. I am not going to call her I have done good with that up to this point it is time to move on she will see what she is missing but hey to bad for her she took this gamble in the first place. Thank you for all of your help I will keep everyone informed on what happens and if she comes crawling back to me once she realizes that I am not going to be put on the backburner.

emopunk7 · Jul 18, 2007, 02:02 PM

Exactly Flyguy!

Flyguy1784 · Jul 19, 2007, 08:05 AM

Update - Sorry Long post

I called her yesterday - don't get upset but I needed to tell her that I am not going to take this anymore and she can't treat me like . So I said nicely with no attitude "this is how I am feeling and this break is your choice so I am not here to change your mind on it. But I want to tell you that I will not allow myself to be put on the backburner if you want to go out and date other people fine hope you have fun but I can't keep these feelings I have for you if you want to date others. I want to be with someone that isn't afraid to be with me and doesn't need to "make sure" I am the right one for her. Now if you go out and date other people find out that there isn't any better out there and decide you want me back I don't know if I can live with that. Because in the back of my mind I am going to be thinking was I really your first choice or was I just your backup plan because the person you wanted didn't show up at the right time, didn't want you, or wasn't available during this break. I will be thinking this person could show up at anytime and I would be thrown to the curb just like you are doing to me now." I needed to tell her this and I feel so much better it was a great step in my healing process... So glad I told her.

It is funny because she got really upset almost aggravated started saying how can you say this if you love me and stuff like that. I think it was the first time that she really got the picture that was she is doing will cause me to run away and not sit back and be walked all over. She eventually worked herself into a knot and said "well I can't believe you are saying this if I am the one for you then you will wait" I responded with "the girl that I have known the past two weeks, the girl that wants a break, THAT girl I am NOT in love with. Just remember you asked for this and this is the risk you are going to have to take but know that I may not be there or willing to take you back when you figure your out." She was steamed at this point and said she didn't want to talk to me I said fine Good-Bye!!

Funny thing is not 5 minutes later I get a text from her saying that I am just pushing her away and making her want to find other people. It was an obvious attempt to get me to say "no I don't want you to do that and I am sorry but I will wait for you and you can do whatever you want during this time" so I didn't say anything. I know now that this is going to eat away at her because what she thought would always be there is moving on and is going to be a bigger and better person then she has been the past two weeks.

Thanks to all of you for talking me through this I look forward to sharing my experience with people that come on this site and face the same situation. This is a great site that really helps you talk about your frustrations and start to see things clearly.

emopunk7 · Jul 19, 2007, 08:18 AM

You did good... She just said that stuff because she is probably seeing guys already and wants to act like it's your fault. Oh please, with what you told her, she should've came back and realized she's going to lose you, not say that you are pushing her away and making her look for other guys... That's ridiculous. You should never contact her again...

mckenzie134 · Jul 19, 2007, 10:18 PM

Good work now what she asid was just a ploy, pushing her away what a load of crap it is doing just the opposite but she is trying to regain the power she has over you by saying that and I hope you realise this cause a lot of guys cave in. This is the best way and that bit about you may not be there well you show her that now. This will be eating away at her and you know what she WILL I guarantee she will call in the next five days. You do NOT under any circumstances answer you DO NOT answer the phone let the tension build you have told her your not waiting now it is time to show her you are not waiting for her!!

If you answer you are stupid and will be back to square one don't think for a minute she will call and say I want you back straight away she will test the waters and see where she is at if you do not answer she will have no idea what you are doing she will then probably text you and it will saound something like this " I can't believe you are acting like this i thouught you loved me"... She will definitely try and make you back down. Your best way to handle this ids to not talk at all. Not talking creates no confusion and doesn't leave you wondering what to say and when to say it and my not discussing anythingf it means she has to ignitiate contact if she wants you back. And I will tell you now if she doesn't contact you she doesn't want to be with you I guarantee this. Don't sit there and think if I contact her I may get her back.. NO WAY mate she must contact you and want you back... SIMPLE as that...

Don't call again please you have explained youir situation and your position you now WAIT it out it may take 3 weeks but you must wait it out!! O NOT CALL please and do not answer...

Flyguy1784 · Jul 20, 2007, 06:37 AM

So if she does not contact me in the next two weeks then it is totally over? What if she is just very strong willed and won't cave in no matter how much it is eating away at her?

talaniman · Jul 20, 2007, 07:13 AM

Originally Posted by Flyguy1784

So if she does not contact me in the next two weeks then it is totaly over? What if she is just very strong willed and won't cave in no matter how much it is eating away at her?

According to recent events it is over and its up to you to make a decision based on facts and not feelings. When a female wants a break, its over and I'm out. That simple. Sorry but anything that's not a sincere effort to rekindle the spark is irrelevant BS leading to drama, and confusion that only wastes time and gives false hope. Just my opinion. Take a stand in your best interest. Why is she entitled to control the relationship??

Flyguy1784 · Jul 30, 2007, 10:37 AM

Found out she has been hanging out with this guy from work for the past three weeks... you guys were right. So I went out have been having a great time even found a new interest one night out at the bars. We will see where is goes she knows my story and knows that I am a wounded soul right now. I think the ex got wind of it though because I got a text from her asking for me not to give up on our relationship she just doesn't want to miss an oppurtunity that might be out there. I hope it eats away at her what she is doing and I think she finally is starting to see that she has lost me. What other oppurtunity is going to come along in the future?? How could I be with someone like that.

SAB123 · Jul 30, 2007, 10:46 AM

Exactly, If she comes back don't give in. Heal and hopefully this new girl will be the one.

talaniman · Jul 30, 2007, 11:45 AM

As I have told others in the same boat, if you can just have fun without expectations, and deal with your feelings maturely, you will get over those exes, just by accepting they are gone and letting go. All of us on this thread have freaked out because an ex gives us false hope and keeps us confused, while they explore and party their butts off. Of course we don't see that through all our emotions, but realise that it ain't that much love in the world to have me waiting for a bus that ain't coming. Life is to short to be stuck on stupid isn't it? Heal, get healthy, and find your own happiness. Is it a party going on?? Start one.