[Joe2982]

My name is Joe. I am 25 years old. Her name is Carolina, and she is 26. We have been together for 2 years. Throughout our relationship her and I were seriously talking about marriage. This is something she wants before she is 30. Her family wants this for her very much as well.

About 1 month ago, she tells me that she wants space because she is confused. She feels I am too controlling. I am because I would call her way too much and show up at places when I could not reach her. This made her feel like she was not trusted.

About 2 weeks ago we spoke on the phone and she told me she loves me, misses me, and has been crying. She also asked if I was talking to other girls. She said that she wants to work on the relationship, but wants me to work on my trust issues first. As far as my trust issues, I have been talking with a therapist since this break happened 1 month ago. She also says that she wants to be friends to reestablish the trust between us.

This passed Monday, I started receiving text messages from her asking how I was and what's been going on. SHe also began telling me what she has been up to. We agreed to meet the following day for coffee. Once we met, it was a little awkward at first, but the night went well. I kept a very positive and confident image. I did not bring up anything over how much I love her, or miss her, or when we can get back to the relationship. She began to tell me about all the fun things she has been doing to keep busy. SHe also told me about a bunch of new people she has been meeting. She also said she is starting to incorporate religion into her life because there are positive changes she wants to make in her life as well. She began telling me that her father keeps asking about me. I know he likes me, and she is close to him. She also asked me how my therapy was going and if I feel I had made any progress. I replied that "I am doing my thing, and you are doing your thing, and once the time is right we can take it to the next step".

I initiated ending the night early and walked her to her car. When we began to part ways I told her maybe we can do this next week. She did not disagree and was smiling.

Throughout this time, I have not called or initiated any contact. I have been lettinh her be the one to make the first move in regards to contacting. Now, how do I get her back? Should I be worried that she will not want this relationship anymore? I have been working on bettering myself in this process. I also go to the gym regularly.

[UnwantedHero]

Sounds like you guys are on the right track but still a little early to get back together.Shes obvisily still interested in making it work but maybe she's just trying to protect herself from getting hurt.It also seems that your doing well and that you guys will most probably get back together once you have finished with the conseling.if you plan too see her like you did again keep up the act of not letting anythign heavy come up in the convosation.

[talaniman]

I think your on the right path and should be patient as you work on your issues, and she works on hers.

[Joe2982]

My problem is that I always focus on the negative. I am afraid that she might be stringing me along, or she might have a change of heart throughout this process even though I am doing everything I need to be doing. What is the best way I can continue to approach this and cope with it?

[UnwantedHero]

Keep up with what your doing.if she loves you she will be back.theres not a lot you can do I'm afraid.chances are she will be back so just keep up hope.have you consided meeting new people,not just girls but guys just for general fun?distractions might help you out.if anything though just focus on your goal and keep at it.It will all be fine in the end.

[Joe2982]

I thought about meeting new people. I amnot too crazy on the idea of meeting girls though. I am not the type of guy that likes to date to keep my mind off my relationship vacation. However, I would love to make new guy friends that would be fun to hang around to help me along with this process. Most of my friends now do not even talk to girls. So their relationship advice sucks, lol!!

[talaniman]

I thought about meeting new people. I amnot too crazy on the idea of meeting girls though. I am not the type of guy that likes to date to keep my mind off of my relationship vacation. However, I would love to make new guy friends that would be fun to hang around to help me along with this process. Most of my friends now do not even talk to girls. So their relationship advice sucks, lol!!!

You don't have to date just have fun with your life. It helps with keeping yourself balanced and healthy. There are other things to do besides bother your friends about your relationship, that's what we are here for.:D

[Joe2982]

LOL... I appreciate the help guys. Its just that I actually saw my future developing with this girl. I have had relationships and break ups before... but this girl and relationship is really different. This has knocked me into left field. I just hope everyhting works out between her and I. As for me, I have identified my problems, and I am now taking the steps to address them. I just hope in the end of my process she is there and wants to work on us.

[Joe2982]

Last night my brother went onto her myspace page. There he tells me that there are still pictures of me on her myspace page. This morning he chose to look again for reasons I do not know, and then he tells me that she took many of my picstures down. Is this her having a change of heart? Is she trying to send me a message? Or is she just doing this as part of the game so I see it? I made a promise to myself not to look at that for my own well being. Please help!!

[talaniman]

If your brother had not told you then you wouldn't know what she has done on myspace. She wanted a break so let her have it. Work on yourself. Yes she thinks your checking her site and wants you to worry. Get healthy with your life, and let her call. Any decision she makes must come from her, and not you pressuring her. Tell your brother he doesn't need to snoop for you. This time is about you stepping back putting your life in balance and seeing things clearly. Stay busy and make sure you have a life that you enjoy without her and have a balanced life to make you happy so you can share that happiness and not smother someone and depend on them to make you happy. You have issues that you must work to change that drove her away so now you work to correct them. In a day or two TEXT a Hello how have you been? to her, and then stay on the path.

[Flyguy1784]

I am in the same spot as you are man... so I guess I can say I feel your pain! Check out my string of posts... but it seems like you are on the right path with this girl and I hope that soon I will be on the same path as you are with my girl. Keep your head up I know it's hard I am struggling as well but there is always something to learn from every situation and there is always a positive that comes along. We may not see the positive now but it we will see it sometime! Keep strong... best of luck!

[Joe2982]

Are these breaks good for the relationship? I have been trying to stay focused the last few days. I am definitely giving her the space she needs. I am not been calling her or text messaging her. Any contact we have had has been made by her these last few weeks. Is this turning into a break up??

[Flyguy1784]

I sure hope these breaks are good for the relationship... one thing I have learned from mine is that you have to trust in the relationship that you had before this. My relationship was great minus the last 6 months but she tells me she still loves me and wants to love me in the way she used to so I am holding on to that and making her miss me by not contacting her just like you. I think its good that she is contacting you when my girl contacted me yesterday it made me feel good I felt like hey it must me she is thinking about me... and that is what we want! The more they think about us and miss not having us around the better chance we might have to get our loves back. Keep in mind I am just telling you how I feel there is much better advice out there but this is just from a guy going through the same stage you are.

[Joe2982]

I am so upset over this whole thing. I do not know how to face this. The thought of losing her is really getting to me. This not knowing of what is going to be is intolerable for me. One plus is that I am not calling her.

[Joe2982]

Can someone please help me in dealing with this. I feel as if I am losing control of the situation and myself. Please help!!

[talaniman]

Get busy Joe, every time she pops up in your head is a signal to focus on something else. Its all about learning to be happy by yourself, and enjoying your life. We have all made the mistake of being dependent on a relationship to make us happy and now its time to learn to make ourselveshappy and break the cycle of dependence and be happy, healthy, well adjusted males. Easier said than done but its doable.

[Joe2982]

That's good advice. As far as the relationship goes... should I give hup hope and view it as the end, or still think of it as a big possibility it will work out?

[talaniman]

She also asked me how my therapy was going and if I feel I had made any progress.

Nothing concrete, just a hunch. Time will tell.

[Joe2982]

What is your hunch on that comment?

[Joe2982]

Well... it has been 10 days since I last saw her. There has been no new developments so far. In fact, I have not even heard from her. I am not sure if she is deciding to move on, or if she is just taking her space. I have increased my time at the gym as well as spending time with my friends. As for this situation, all I have to go on is what she has told me in the last few weeks. The only thing I am afraid of is with all these new religious people she is meeting, she is moving on. Why would someone take all this time on a break, and just end the relationship in the end of all this?