Check out some similar questions!

Barador · Jul 10, 2007, 10:45 PM

Hi,

Im having a bit of bother with my girlfriend and don't know what to do, here is the info.

Right I live in Newcastle upon tyne and she does to and we see each other everyday and she spends almost every night at my place and we have been seeing each other for 1 year on Saturday 14th July.

My family home is in Scotland now and has been for the last 4 years and I like to visit my family especially since my Mother died 3 years ago, I feel I should see my Dad and brother and sister.

Now when I come to Scotland and this time I came up because my dad has just bought a car for me to learn to drive, she says that she doesn't want me to come, which I understand and in the past she has finished me by Text when I was on my way up to Scotland, and she keeps saying this one thing in particular which is "you always choose them over me".

The most recent time she said this was yesterday via msn I was on chatting to her just after my Dad, me and my brother had an argument. She said I could go if I needed but I said its OK ill stay to talk to you. Then my brother was talking about killing himself and preceded to pack a small bag and said he was leaving, he wouldn't say where to and he wasn't taking money or food eventually we got him to stay and my dad let him stay at a friends house but he wanted me to talk to dad and go in the car with them. This is when I told my girlfriend what was happening and she immedietly said that phrase and then wouldn't talk to me and told her not to ring her that day or the day after.

But I did ring first time she hung up on me second time her sister told me she didn't want to speak to me.

And now I just don't know what to do?
Any help will be greatly appreciated. By the way I Love her very strongly.

Sorry for the amount of text but I feel all details are necessary.

Thanks, Barador

Oh also she still lives at home and is 2 years younger than me. All her family live close to her so she gets to see them when ever she wants.

What should I do? I talked to her about it last time and she seemed to understand but it came back again.

If you don't like telling me what to do just say what you would do in this situation please

Thanks, Barador

prayerlord · Jul 10, 2007, 10:50 PM

Originally Posted by Barador

Hi,

Im having a bit of bother with my girlfriend and dont know what to do, here is the info.

Right I live in Newcastle upon tyne and she does to and we see each other everyday and she spends almost everynight at my place and we have been seeing each other for 1 year on saturday 14th July.

My family home is in Scotland now and has been for the last 4 years and i like to visit my family especially since my Mother died 3 years ago, i feel i should see my Dad and brother and sister.

Now when i come to Scotland and this time i came up because my dad has just bought a car for me to learn to drive, she says that she doesnt want me to come, which i understand and in the past she has finished me by Text when i was on my way up to Scotland, and she keeps saying this one thing in particular which is "you always choose them over me".

The most recent time she said this was yesterday via msn i was on chatting to her just after my Dad, me and my brother had an argument. She said i could go if i needed but i said its ok ill stay to talk to you. Then my brother was talking about killing himself and preceeded to pack a small bag and said he was leaving, he wouldn't say where to and he wasn't taking money or food eventually we got him to stay and my dad let him stay at a friends house but he wanted me to talk to dad and go in the car with them. This is when i told my girlfriend what was happening and she immedietly said that phrase and then wouldn't talk to me and told her not to ring her that day or the day after.

But i did ring first time she hung up on me second time her sister told me she didnt want to speak to me.

And now i just dont know what to do?
any help will be greatly appreciated. by the way I Love her very strongly.

Sorry for the amount of text but i feel all details are neccesary.

Thanks, Barador

Man... u got me right here.. in the heart... its true, some people just don't like other people... I know its hard. But you have to stand up 4 yourself man... if I were u, dump her... that's right, dump her. Find the one you love most and marrie her. And tell your brother not to kill himself... becus I don't want to cime to his fenural... j/k... I hope this helped you a little

JonLR92 · Jul 10, 2007, 10:51 PM

You need to apologize to her,tell her you love her and from now on don't hold back any info from her. If she won't talk to you tell her sister that you love her and you need to talk to her.

Pook_Myster · Jul 10, 2007, 10:53 PM

Barador,

Your girlfriend needs to learn that other people have needs too - and quite frankly the world does not revolve around her, no matter how much she wishes it would!

Family is important, she needs to understand this - at the end of the day, family are the ones that are there to pick up the pieces of a broken heart - and she should try a little harder to intergrate herself into your family if she really loves you.

Pook_Myster · Jul 10, 2007, 11:05 PM

JonLR92 - I bet your partner wears the pants in your relationship! LOL... Hahahaha!

Relationships are about mutual respect and understanding - they are NOT about forcing your beliefs or opinions onto one another...

Pook_Myster · Jul 10, 2007, 11:13 PM

AND - in addition JonLR92 - you are 15 years old! Do you really think you are qualified enough in life to give advice on this topic?

Shaunta · Jul 10, 2007, 11:18 PM

You Don't Need To Apologize To Her... Family Comes First... I Use To Say That To My Boyfriend All The Time Then I Stopped When He Threatened To Leave Me... We See Each Other Everday He Sees His Mom Maybe Twice A Week... And With Your Father Not Living By You God For Bid You Visit Him For A Little While...

Pook_Myster · Jul 10, 2007, 11:26 PM

Barador,

Communication is the fundamental element of every relationship - without it, how are problems ever going to be solved? It is very important to make your girlfriend aware that her misunderstanding of your need to see your family is hurting you, your relationship with your family, and your relationship with her.

Ask her to imagine how she would feel if you made her feel guilty for spending time with her family - point out how lucky she is to have them close, because all families have their issues - but at the end of the day, they are family... nothing more to say!

Tell her that you love her very much and you want to work this out, but you need some understanding from her - otherwise you are going to grow to resent her and no relationship will last then.

It doesn't have to be an argument, and it isn't a matter of choosing one or the other - each should co-exist... family and girlfriend... they are both important to you, as it would seem they are to her.

She is being quite rude about it at the moment with comments like those that she is making - you shouldn't have to put up with that...

Barador · Jul 10, 2007, 11:31 PM

Originally Posted by Pook_Myster

Barador,

Communication is the fundamental element of every relationship - without it, how are problems ever going to be solved? It is very important to make your girlfriend aware that her misunderstanding of your need to see your family is hurting you, your relationship with your family, and your relationship with her.

Ask her to imagine how she would feel if you made her feel guilty for spending time with her family - point out how lucky she is to have them close, because all families have their issues - but at the end of the day, they are family.....nothing more to say!

Tell her that you love her very much and you want to work this out, but you need some understanding from her - otherwise you are going to grow to resent her and no relationship will last then.

It doesn't have to be an argument, and it isn't a matter of choosing one or the other - each should co-exist....family and girlfriend.....they are both important to you, as it would seem they are to her.

She is being quite rude about it at the moment with comments like those that she is making - you shouldn't have to put up with that......

Hi,

Thanks a lot for your answer, that's what I thought but last time I talked to her about it she seemed to understand but I was doing all the talking she usually just says she doesn't want to talk about what happened.

I am also afraid that if I say that she will leave me and I really don't know if I can cope with losing her, at least that's how I feel

Thanks, Barador

Barador · Jul 11, 2007, 01:17 AM

Originally Posted by Pook_Myster

Barador,

Communication is the fundamental element of every relationship - without it, how are problems ever going to be solved? It is very important to make your girlfriend aware that her misunderstanding of your need to see your family is hurting you, your relationship with your family, and your relationship with her.

Ask her to imagine how she would feel if you made her feel guilty for spending time with her family - point out how lucky she is to have them close, because all families have their issues - but at the end of the day, they are family.....nothing more to say!

Tell her that you love her very much and you want to work this out, but you need some understanding from her - otherwise you are going to grow to resent her and no relationship will last then.

It doesn't have to be an argument, and it isn't a matter of choosing one or the other - each should co-exist....family and girlfriend.....they are both important to you, as it would seem they are to her.

She is being quite rude about it at the moment with comments like those that she is making - you shouldn't have to put up with that......

This happened last night and she told me not to ring her today as well. So should I try to make contact today or do I wait and if I wait how long for?

Thanks Barador

iAMfromHuntersBar · Jul 11, 2007, 01:31 AM

I'd wait! Let her stew! Let her think about what she's said and done! I'm sure she'll be the one to contact you first!

Pook_Myster is right, she is being very selfish and immature and needs to learn that a real relationship is about communication and compromise.

Does she have a valid reason why she doesn't want you to see your family or is she just jealous of you spending time with them?

J

Barador · Jul 11, 2007, 01:49 AM

Originally Posted by iAMfromHuntersBar

I'd wait! Let her stew! Let her think about what she's said and done! I'm sure she'll be the one to contact you first!

Pook_Myster is right, she is being very selfish and immature and needs to learn that a real relationship is about communication and comprimise.

Does she have a valid reason why she doesn't want you to see your family or is she just jealous of you spending time with them?

J

She has the idea that they don't like her which is partly true they don't think she is good enough for me and my dad, when she visited made jokes about her to her face and not to her face he does that to everyone but she took as serious and I told him off anyway and she know I did.

She seems to be jealous she also gets in a mood when I was going to go out with some old work mates and that enede in her storming away and then I followed her so didn't go with my friends

Barador

mckenzie134 · Jul 11, 2007, 02:10 AM

Listen mate if any girl ever tells you not to see your family get rid of her. Any girl who lovs you will want to be part of your family. You are on the way to a very unhealthy relationship here and this will be for your while life if you staywith her. Get rid of her as hard as it mat be you willrealise one day you had your family way beforeyoumet her so do not let her dictate your life. Family first and her second. Only when she wishes to join you as a family shall you treat her equal. This is called respect and you are being shown absoluteky none of that at the moment.. etter girls out there than that I know this been there,,

iAMfromHuntersBar · Jul 11, 2007, 02:11 AM

Ah, so she is just jealous of you spending time with other people then! Saying that, she could have some deep-rooted reasons she doesn't want you spending time away from her... maybe she's scared you will leave her for good!

The way I see it is she's acting like a spoilt kid. She knows that if she throws a tantrum you'll buckle and end up doing things her way.

You need to see if you can get her to understand that, although she is very important to you, she's not the ONLY person in your life and you value your friends and family just as much as you do her.

If she can't see this, then she will end up pushing you away... as the age-old saying goes - "Blood is thicker than water"!

self_lnflicted_hell · Jul 11, 2007, 07:03 AM

Originally Posted by Pook_Myster

AND - in addition JonLR92 - you are 15 years old! Do you really think you are qualified enough in life to give advice on this topic?

Well now, no wonder! Thanks for sharing that Pook, I didn't even think to look and see.

__________________________________________________ __________________________

Barador, don't give in to her. That's your family that she's trying to make you choose against. If she can't understand that then just tell her to go. Is there any way though that she could go with you? I'd want to go with my BF, actually I'd have to go since I'm the main source of transportation but still, he wouldn't go without me anyway.
What is it that your GF's so afraid of? Why does it bother her so much? Is she scared that you'll be unfaithful? She needs to compromise though. If she can't then she doesn't respect you.

huno · Jul 11, 2007, 07:10 AM

Well it looks like the advice is pretty unanimous, save for a few dissenters: your GF is being a prissy little b!tch and she needs to learn to appreciate what family actually means.

I think you need to be firm with this girl: tell her you love and care for your family and you also love her but she needs to quit being jealous and possessive. And if she still throws a tantrum, tell her to sod off (are they still using that phrase on that part of the world?).