[Chery]

I think this is the best piece of advice I have heard on here yet! This makes TOTAL sence! Take it from me, I spent 2 months trying to win back the EX and it got me no where. Now I just feel defeated and broken, and I plan to just turn the tables when she gets back. The way I think of it now is, SHE broke up with ME. Therefore SHE should be the one asking for ME back. I thought that she wanted me to "open up more" so I did, and it solved NOTHING. I will no longer call her, text her, or email her, and I will wait to see what happens. I know this girls is still in love with me, she is just acting REALLY stupid right now. She is on this whole "I need to see the world and find out what makes me happy" BS, but the thing is, you can't find happiness, it has its way of finding you. As much crap as this girl has put me through over the past 5.....well......3 years, I still love her with all my blah.......blah.....blah. I dont know if I blew it already, but everytime I think I have, she comes right back. I am DONE with the games, and I am going to make that VERY clear to her when I see her again. I dont think it is too late for me to save face on this one, I just need to "man up" and get back to the person I was before all this crap. The thing I have learned is, girls can't play games with you if you dont let them. Sure, you miss her and all, but dont give in to the calls and BS. Let her go on her marry little way and see whats out there. When or if she does come back, who knows, you might not even want her back. After all the crap I am going through, I really dont think I will want my EX back. I saw a really EVIL side to her, and I dont think I will ever get past that with her. I say, just move on. This is all just a big waste of time and energy.

Good start, now you just need the practice. Good luck.

[one_life]

Hi people I'm back. So here is an update.

Well I'm been keeping my ex at arms length at work. Not too much contact, and if there is any contact, its usually jokes and making her laugh(I kid around with her).

Well last night, We were on the phone together, and I kiddingly asked her if she was seeing that other guy. Well keep in mind I was laughing my *** off so was she when I asked her. Well she refused to answer the question at first. So I said to her what if I was one of your other friends and they asked you the same question. She said that she would tell them she has not yet decieded. So I left that topic there, and started to talk about something else. Once again she wasn't nervious or mad about that question. We ended the call with a good note.

ANy suggestions from my update.

[Chery]

It sounds to me that you're doing just fine. Stick to your guns and keep working on your attitude and go from there. P.S. you've been giving some pretty good advice yourself, so you're on the road to recovery. Congrats!

[Wildcat21]

Like I said before - she has NO interest in that guy. None. Woman KNOW almost instantly IF they have a romatic interest in a guy or not. There are no future decisions. She's just trying to make you jealous. That guy is just a massive dumbass for giving her all the attention.

BUT, HUGE mistake... WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ASKING THESE DUMB QUESTIONS ANYWAY?? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHY??

Those are massive 'friend zone' questions. You are her gay friend in her eyes with dumbass questions like that. Never ask a woman those questions again. You just took several steps backwards.

YOU DON'T CARE WHO SHE IS SEEING. YOU SOUNDED INSECURE AND JEALOUS BY ASKING SUCH DUMB QUESTIONS OF A WOMAN.

If she brings it up - you don't care - say "that's boring, I don't care" - "You can see as many guys as you like, I just don't ever care to hear about it"

She sees you as jealous and inssecure AND it's a huge turn off to woman. HUGE.

Just another major mistake with this gal.

[one_life]

Like I said before - she has NO interest in that guy. None. Woman KNOW almost instantly IF they have a romatic interest in a guy or not. There are no future decisions. She's just trying to make you jealous. That guy is just a massive dumbass for giving her all the attention.

BUT, HUGE mistake..........WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ASKING THESE DUMB QUESTIONS ANYWAY???????????????????????? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHY???

Those are massive 'friend zone' questions. You are her gay friend in her eyes with dumbass questions like that. Never ask a woman those questions again. You just took several steps backwards.

YOU DON'T CARE WHO SHE IS SEEING. YOU SOUNDED INSECURE AND JEALOUS BY ASKING SUCH DUMB QUESTIONS OF A WOMAN.

If she brings it up - you don't care - say "that's boring, I don't care" - "You can see as many guys as you like, I just don't ever care to hear about it"

She sees you as jealous and inssecure AND it's a huge turn off to woman. HUGE.

Just another major mistake with this gal.

No wildcat, trust me it is not like that at all. She does not see me as insecure or jealous. It is something between us. I've known this girl all most all my life and two years of a serious relationship. I did not want to say it, but I see I have no choice. The other guy she is seeing is kind of guy that she would not go out with (let me just say that). So I was just making fun of her but not in too many words. She knows me well, and she knows I'll poke fun at her.

That is why she fell in love with me in the first place, I treated her as a lover and also teased her once in a while. She once told me in the biggining of our relationship, I was the very first guy that did not only shower her with compliments and fancy stuff but also made it fun for her(you know how is it, guys go out of their way to impress the girl and once they get the girl, they stop doing those things).
I knew when to be romantic (when she wasn't expecting it) and also teased once in a while.

Wlidcat if she was trying to get me jeolous with this other guy, then why would she look like she is hiding the relationship? Would she not make it known to me? That is the thing I don't get, if she was over me, then why try to hide this relationship.

By making it known to her that I know about them, maybe she can relax and feel comfortable with this new relationship. She does not need to hide it from me. Can I get a women's perspective on this (why is she hiding it?).

[Wildcat21]

Nope. That's not how it works with women. You're in the friend zone with that woman.

You don't care about other guys.

It's not logic with women. Those were dumbass questions.

[Chery]

To answer your question about her hiding it from you: Maybe she did not want to hurt your feelings, or is embarrassed about her choice. No matter what her reasons were, she chose her road and she has to be dealing with it. I would not worry about this anymore if I were you. Don't stress yourself out again, OK?

[Wildcat21]

Onlife - why are you talking with this gal on the phone? And why are asking her those questions?

It's sounds an awful lot like you're her gitlfrined(just the truth). Friend zoned you.

You can't keep calling her OR answering the phone. Ughhhhhhhhhhhh - you blew that one. Move on.

You say one thing that your going to do - then you're communicating with her.

[jeffatl]

Agreed, I think it is too late for me... but who knows. You REALLY need to stop talking to her NOW! If she wants you back, she will come to you. Its hard, I know but JUST DO IT! I STILL want my EX back, even after all her crap but you have to let her come back and then take it from there. My EX sent me a message syaing "I have been thinking about you alot lately" and I didn't even reply, just to let her think about me even more. Dude, you can't be her lapdog, I know this all sounds stupid, but do you really want to know about other guys she is dating? Also, do you really want her to think you don't care if she is? I think not. DO NOT TALK TO HER FOR AT LEAST A WEEK! All of this is just going to drive you MAD! I felt like a dumb f$% for sending my EX a message saying "thinking about you" yesterday because I knew is was DUMB DUMB DUMB. This will be VERY hard, I have good days and bad. Yesterday was a bad day, but I made it 3 days without having ANY contact at all. Someone on here told me to put a rubber band on my wrist and snap it whenever I thought about her, and funny enough I have been using that in a way. Whenever I feel like contacting her, I snap the hell out of it (think of it as me slapping my own hand). This whole situation will turn you into a big baby, and it sucks. Do something to get yourself out of the house and clear your head. Don't play their games, take your power back and MAN UP. I am on AIM if you want to know my story, it might help you out. s/n FISHY7B.

[Chery]

Agreed, I think it is too late for me....but who knows. You REALLY need to stop talking to her NOW! If she wants you back, she will come to you. Its hard, I know but JUST DO IT! I STILL want my EX back, even after all her crap but you have to let her come back and then take it from there. My EX sent me a message syaing "I have been thinking about you alot lately" and I didnt even reply, just to let her think about me even more. Dude, you can't be her lapdog, I know this all sounds stupid, but do you really want to know about other guys she is dating? Also, do you really want her to think you dont care if she is? I think not. DO NOT TALK TO HER FOR AT LEAST A WEEK! All of this is just going to drive you MAD! I felt like a dumb f$% for sending my EX a message saying "thinking about you" yesterday becasue I knew is was DUMB DUMB DUMB. This will be VERY hard, I have good days and bad. Yesterday was a bad day, but I made it 3 days without having ANY contact at all. Someone on here told me to put a rubber band on my wrist and snap it whenever I thought about her, and funny enough I have been using that in a way. Whenever I feel like contacting her, I snap the hell out of it (think of it as me slapping my own hand). This whole situation will turn you into a big baby, and it sucks. Do something to get yourself out of the house and clear your head. Dont play their games, take your power back and MAN UP. I am on AIM if you want to know my story, it might help you out. s/n FISHY7B.

I thought you learned something, but oh, well...

No further comments, I think all has been said. Now it's your choice to make and go from there.

[Wildcat21]

Jeff... what don't YOU get?? You don't want that woman back. SHE CHEATED ON YOU. She is playing you now. Move on.

[jeffatl]

I know, I don't think there is really anything else to say about my situation, I was just trying to help this guy NOT make the same stupid moves I have. Its hard to just let go of someone that you have spent soooooo much time with, but that's what you have to do. All of this will drive you MAD if you don't. I am getting better, and you will too. You just have to take things one day at a time and find your strength in yourself, not her. Ive got it in the WORST way right now, but I did meet a nice girl the other night and we are going to hang out this weekend. :cool:

[Chery]

Jeff: make this weekend quality time and don't mention one word about your addiction to this other chick - not one word! If you do, your date will be over before it even started. The last thing you want to do is show your weakness the fist time you meet someone.



Now, to the original post, sorry about getting off the track, but maybe this will give you an example of what NOT to do and you'll learn a little from it.

[momincali]

One_Life, Wow, What can I say that hasn't already been said? I can feel it in your posts how much this girl meant to you once. I'm not truly clear on why you two broke up in the first place but your current situation seems a little awkward. When a girl goes back and forth like that with the signals it seems to me those signals should only serve to be red flags. It sounds like she's not even sure what she wants. If she does want you back and is going through all of this eye contact and smiley face stuff only to turn around and flip the switch then I would steer clear of that one for a while. Your feelings for her are interfering with your intelligence and you can't allow that to happen. In a perfect world you would ask her how she felt and she would be honest and straight forward but as you know life is not typically perfect. The problem with us following our feelings versus our brains is that they often get us into trouble. If she was brave enough to break up with you and bold enough to make so much eye contact and the other stuff then she should be brave enough to come clean and let you know she wants you back without you having to tell her how you feel. Don't do that. I have a feeling it would backfire on you. Don't sweat this other guy, I don't think she is seeing him or at least not with any serious intent. Just keep yourself busy with other stuff. Consider taking up kickboxing. I have been kickboxing for 3 years now and I love it. It taught me something that to me, applies in most levels of life, when to use defensive and offensive techniques. It taught me discipline, balance, and to breathe so I can focus on anything and everything. Keep your balance. Don't ignore her but don't call her or go out of your way to talk to her either. If you see her, wave casually and keep walking. If she comes up to you to talk, spare a minute, maybe two and excuse yourself to make an important phone call. If she asks you to lunch, pause for a second and then ask for a raincheck. She's not going to know what hit her. P.S. If all else fails, don't forget you asked me to marry you too! LOL :D

[jeffatl]

Wrong thread, sorry!

[jeffatl]

Jeff: make this weekend quality time and don't mention one word about your addiction to this other chick - not one word! If you do, your date will be over before it even started. The last thing you want to do is show your weakness the fist time you meet someone.



Now, to the original post,, sorry about getting off the track, but maybe this will give you an example of what NOT to do and you'll learn a little from it.

UPDATE: That "date" was BS, this girl was OBSESSED with my freaking car... I was shocked. "you drive a lexus!?......OH MY GOD!" I just looked at this girl like are you kidding me! I just laughed and said "yea, its just a car". She wouldn't stop talking about all these material things with me like prada this, gucci that. CHRIST girl, is that all you have to talk about! She called me like 5 times the other day wanting me to come pick her up... riiiiiiiight. Sigh, some people. Im lonely, not desperate. :cool:

[one_life]

One_Life, Wow, What can I say that hasn't already been said? I can feel it in your posts how much this girl meant to you once. I'm not truly clear on why you two broke up in the first place but your current situation seems a little awkward. When a girl goes back and forth like that with the signals it seems to me those signals should only serve to be red flags. It sounds like she's not even sure what she wants. If she does want you back and is going through all of this eye contact and smiley face stuff only to turn around and flip the switch then I would steer clear of that one for a while. Your feelings for her are interfering with your intelligence and you can't allow that to happen. In a perfect world you would ask her how she felt and she would be honest and straight forward but as you know life is not typically perfect. The problem with us following our feelings versus our brains is that they often get us into trouble. If she was brave enough to break up with you and bold enough to make so much eye contact and the other stuff then she should be brave enough to come clean and let you know she wants you back without you having to tell her how you feel. Don't do that. I have a feeling it would backfire on you. Don't sweat this other guy, I don't think she is seeing him or at least not with any serious intent. Just keep yourself busy with other stuff. Consider taking up kickboxing. I have been kickboxing for 3 years now and I love it. It taught me something that to me, applies in most levels of life, when to use defensive and offensive techniques. It taught me discipline, balance, and to breathe so I can focus on anything and everything. Keep your balance. Don't ignore her but don't call her or go out of your way to talk to her either. If you see her, wave casually and keep walking. If she comes up to you to talk, spare a minute, maybe two and excuse yourself to make an important phone call. If she asks you to lunch, pause for a second and then ask for a raincheck. She's not gonna know what hit her. P.S. If all else fails, don't forget you asked me to marry you too! LOL :D

Thanks for the advise, I was wondering when you would get to my post. Lol
Yeah, I'm taking it one step at a time. It been 5 months now, since the break up. I tell you, its been very hard, and till this day I feel it sometimes. I was doing better with the no contact. You know out of sight out of mind. Since she moved to our dept, it been kind of difficult but I still go to work and do my job.
Maybe I read too much into it. I don't believe she really wanted me back, just her way of testing the waters. Besides if she really wanted me back, she wouldn't start seeing this other guy.

You are right, she does not really know what she wants, she always been wishy washy.

[Chery]

OK, we've all gone off the track. This is one_life's thread, can we get back to helping him out with his issues instead of Jeff. Jeff has his own thread and we should kind of stick to who's who in this zoo. - Just my opinion...

Let her stay as wishy washy as she wants as long as she does not get you involved again.There will be others. And at this point, you don't need to stick to one gal, just be casual and learn what others have to offer you, not the other way around. This might not be your 'style', but you need to try some new things in your life, as Momincali said, try kickboxing, there are some pretty independent women who know what they see and like there - you might just be the right one some are seeking. Good Luck, and keep us posted.

[jeffatl]

Sorry, I agree. I got mixed up with this thread and mine. I didn't mean to thread jack.

[Chery]

Sorry, I agree. I got mixed up with this thread and mine. I didnt mean to thread jack.

OK, dear, you'll only get three lashes with a wet noodle this time! C.U. on other posts and Happy Halloween!