[mag oblivious]

Hi!
I think my husband is addicted to drugs, but I can't prove it. I'm the one holding down a full time job, while he sits at home. When my payday comes, I hand him over my paycheck so he can pay the bills and get groceries, comsidering, from what he says, I can't do that myself. Now, my bills are behind, and I know I make enough money to pay them, so where is the money going? He said he's had trouble before with addictions, and I'm afraid that he may be addicted again. When I ask him why the bills aren't paid, he just turns away from me and won't give me an answer. He always asks me, " don't you trust me?" the fact is, it's not a matter of trust, it's a matter of missing money. He's also moody, not interested in sex, or even getting close to me. He's also not buying that much for groceries any more. I've already said something to his family about his behaviour, but no one wants to listen to me. He's also shown signs that he MAY be abusing my niece. How can I prove anything? He's rummaging around our room in the dark, and hiding money from me. Anybody have any suggestions? Please help me.:confused:

[shygrneyzs]

Yes - do not hand over your paycheck anymore. You are smart enough to hold down a full time job so you are surely wise enough to buy groceries and pay bills and the rest of what is needed. You need to dry up his access to funds. Fast! If you have a checking and savings, are his name on those? Get his name off those - he could go and drain those accounts and you not know it until it is too late.

Second, you get some help fro yourself, so that you can identify his behavior and keep yourself emotionally healthy. One person cannot change another but you can start taking care of yourself. Learn how to protect yourself from his behavior.

From what you describe, it does sound like your husband may be into drugs again, but I cannot say that 100%. You know something is wrong that is for sure.

Why isn't he working? Does he contribute anything to the household besides take your money and not pay the bills?

I am sure there will be the time, possibly sooner than later, when you are going to have to sit down and tell him that you are genuinely concerned about his behavior and what that is doing to the marriage. Explain your fears. Chances are he will deny any drug using but then you state what you need from him and do not compromise on that. Stand firm - he either gets help or you leave. You can separate and still work on the marriage. That would give him all the opportunity to become well, deal with his problems, etc.

You deserve to be happy in this marriage, to feel like you can trust him with what he says, and to feel like the marriage is worth saving. He deserves to have a clear focus on life, without drugs. I know it is not easy to do all this but ask yourself if all this goings on makes you feel, "why am I doing this" "what did I get myself into" "what went wrong"

You would survive without him. Not sure he would survive without you - but that is only because you are supporting him and his lifestyle. There is no need for him to get better - he has what he wants. You have made it easy for him. He needs to take responsibility for himself and stand on his own feet. You need to see that you can be a successful woman and manage all your affairs on your own. If it comes down to that.

Good luck.

[Clough]

I agree with the answer above. I also would take heed to the advice that is offered in it if I were you.

It is time to have a heart-to-heart, pow-wow with your husband in order to set things straight.

Please don't be used by this man. You are worth more than that.

[bushg]

I hope your first priorty is finding out if he is abusing your niece. How old is your niece? Do you have any children and is he in charge of them while you are working?