[talaniman]

And was single along time because I was looking for that. Then I told myself hey who cares so I lowered my standerds. And met my ex.

I think what young people do now is look for a lifemate with preconceived notions of what they are looking for. Back in my day it was more just the dating for fun, ( okay, and sex!! ) and if you had that fun, it lead to something else, but we dated as much as we could, without this exclusive stuff so early on, when you meet some one. It is so easy to invest a lot emotionally and spiritually when you think in terms of he/she is the one, but without the emotional experience, that only comes from the doing, we naturally make mistakes, and pay the emotional price. I think the successful relationship are the ones where mature people, having learned from experience have come together and deal with out the mistakes of the past to hinder them. Bottom line is have fun as much as you can with as many as you can, enjoy it until that one really shows up, and you grow together. For a long time my mantra was,

"If you can't be with the one you love, then love the one your with."

Life is short have fun.

[nicespringgirl]

A mature person doesn't date for FUN, that's what I have believed. A mature knows what comes first in life, a good education and a good career to build a good foudation for future life.

[Nosnosna]

I'm 6', 150. 25 years old with two bachelor's degrees. I've spent the better part of the last two years running my own business.

I can bench press my body weight and run a mile in under 5 minutes. I've run a half marathon, and just missed running the Chicago Marathon due to injury.

I've met thousands of people from over a hundred countries. I can speak two languages and am literate in three others.

I have a natural charisma that draws people to me looking for leadership. I have a talent for creating plans and organizing their completion, in both professional and casual life.

So... want to go out some time?

...

...

...

No? Didn't think so. Your attitude here is the same as mine above. If this is anything, and I do mean ANYTHING like the way you act out in the real world, that's your problem.

Look outside yourself. What are you looking for in somebody to date? You don't even mention that anywhere here... everything is about you. From everything you have posted here, all you want is somebody who loves you as much as you do. That's a whole lot of ego.

Trust me, I'm an arrogant prick. An egotistical [expletive deleted]. I've rubbed so many people the wrong way with my cockiness that it's not even funny to see them get irritated about it anymore. If you want to find somebody to actually spend time with and develop a relationship, you're going to have to start looking at them for them, not for how they think of you. It's really not that hard to do, once you figure out that your self-importance is what stands in your way.

[talaniman]

So what do you suggest me to do? I wanna find out what my problem is and I am humble...thank you.

Stop looking for a husband, and stop shopping your resume, get real and have a good time with everyone, not just the highly qualified. Just be human. Learn about real people. Those paper accomplishment may be great on a job interview, but mean nothing in the real world, where you will be just another graduating virgin, looking for a date on Saturday night. Not to be harsh at all , but reality is a bltch.:eek:

Ask yourself if you want real love, or real money?? :confused:
The right answer is both!! :cool:
The trick is how to get them.:p
Reality is, how do you keep them?? ;)

[talaniman]

A mature person doesn't date for FUN,

What does a mature person date for??

Work hard, play even harder. When you get older what do you think your going to miss more, WORK, or FUN!!

[lmnotok]

I read all of these, comments and stuff of yours and people on this post. I see that you confront them so much, answer immediately after their comment. Why don't you just sit, and THINK, deeply THINK about what they said. Don't reply that fast since it makes me think that you already have the TYPE in your mind, and anyone who is against it, you confront. It doesn't help. They just help you by listing all of the issues that might cause you being single. So, choose the right answer for yourself.

If you are still not satisfied, I suggest this website for you How To Flirt! "Secrets of Flirting With Men" By Mimi Tanner (im not advertising anything, its just the last choice of yours if things don't change for several months later)

[nicespringgirl]

I'm 6', 150. 25 years old with two bachelor's degrees. I've spent the better part of the last two years running my own business.

I can bench press my body weight and run a mile in under 5 minutes. I've run a half marathon, and just missed running the Chicago Marathon due to injury.

I've met thousands of people from over a hundred countries. I can speak two languages and am literate in three others.

I have a natural charisma that draws people to me looking for leadership. I have a talent for creating plans and organizing their completion, in both professional and casual life.

So... want to go out some time?

...

...

...

No? Didn't think so. Your attitude here is the same as mine above. If this is anything, and I do mean ANYTHING like the way you act out in the real world, that's your problem.

Look outside yourself. What are you looking for in somebody to date? You don't even mention that anywhere here... everything is about you. From everything you have posted here, all you want is somebody who loves you as much as you do. That's a whole lot of ego.

Trust me, I'm an arrogant prick. An egotistical [expletive deleted]. I've rubbed so many people the wrong way with my cockiness that it's not even funny to see them get irritated about it anymore. If you want to find somebody to actually spend time with and develop a relationship, you're gonna have to start looking at them for them, not for how they think of you. It's really not that hard to do, once you figure out that your self-importance is what stands in your way.

I see... you are right! I act completely differently as the way I have talked here. It's sad that people think I am stuck up... actually in real life, I am very humble, I do think inside of me I am overachieving and people do praise me all the time. I wish they didn't... I hope I can meet someone, but where? I work full time and have school duty...

[Synnen]

Um... people meet people to date at work and school all the time.

You just have to stop looking for someone who is everything you've always wanted, and start looking for friends that might be more.

If you had asked me at 20 what I wanted in a man, I would have described something almost impossible. What I GOT in a man, who I have been happy with for 11 years now, is completely different from that image. COMPLETELY different.

He is, however, exactly the kind of person I NEED. Not what I want, but what makes me happy and balances me completely.

If you're looking for a specific type, you'll never find it.

If you keep an open mind, happiness will drop into your lap.

And yeah... don't be so serious about dating. It smacks of desperation, and desperation makes people run the other way.

[nicespringgirl]

Thank you, that makes lot of sense to me. I do aim high and I did reject couple guys in my department before when they asked me out, that's problly other guys are scared to ask me out. I really think those who asked me out didn't suit me at all... I see now I do need to be open minded, but it has been so hard to lower my standards... so hard... and I am not willing to... I am not asking too much, just someone who loves me and have achieveement the same level as I have done, and he must be single, against sex before marriage too.

[J_9]

I have been reading this thread in its entirety and let me say that you sound way too intense! I can see why men may be intimidated by you. I know (and I am a woman), I was almost intimidated into not answering this post.

Hun, let me say that you do not need to lower your standard, but you DO need to broaden your horizons.

You see what you are looking for in a man you may never find unless you plan on marrying many men. LOL

You are looking for the perfect man, and he just isn't there. There is no man out there that will encompass everything you desire all wrapped up into one person. The perfect man just does not exist.

Instead of lowering your standards, why don't you change your priorities?

When you meet a man you do not know in the first date, first month, or even the first year if he is what you are looking for. That is why the proper way of dating takes so long to achieve. It is all about exploration.

So, he doesn't have the same academic achievements as you, but does that make him bad? No, it just means he may not have had the opportunities that you have been so lucky to have had. Does that mean he can't achieve that in the future? No, he just needs to be given the opportunity.

Just because a person does not have the same education as you does not make them off limits. We all have our strengths, and we all have our weaknesses. You don't seem to see that. All you are looking for are the strengths and when you find a weakness you run for the hills.

You see, I think you may not be asking too much, but you certainly are expecting too much.

Mr. Right is someone who compliments you, whether academically or not. Someone who makes you happy, who makes you laugh, smile, even cry sometimes.

So what if he is not a doctor or a lawyer or an engineer, he is someone who makes you happy, who respects you and your beliefs. Who cares if he doesn't make a million dollars a year as long as he loves and respects you.

[Sdjosh]

it has been so hard to lower my standards....so hard...and I am not willing to...I am not asking too much, just someone who loves me and have achieveement the same level as I have done, and he must be single, against sex before marriage too.

This is part of the problem. You are looking for some one to marry not date. You are looking for a knight in shining armor. You can't expect a guy to be all those things. And it isn't about lowering your standards but having realistic expectations.

[margarita_momma]

Honestly, I think your standards are too high and too organized. You have not "dated" much so you don't really know what you want. Trust me, you will one day find that perfect man and he will be everything you have ever wanted in a guy. You will get married and live a long BORING life together. Finding someone that is a little bit different from you is good. Haven't you ever heard "opposites attract"? Can you imagine living a life with someone that has the same outlook on everything that you do? Where would the conversation be? You would agree and the talking would cease! There would be no excitement or passion in anything. You are not suppose to fall in love with someone because of how smart they are and how many clubs they are in. You fall for them because of who they are. You can't got out on the hunt for the perfect man until you go through a few bad ones to find out what you want. The guy I am with now is nothing like I ever wanted. I had standards. A lot of them. He met maybe half of them and we clash on a lot of things and I LOVE IT. We never have a boring conversation and we get along perfectly. Just open up a little and date. Its not morally wrong to try and figure out what you really want.

[nicespringgirl]

This is part of the problem. You are looking for some one to marry not date. You are looking for a knight in shining armor. You can't expect a guy to be all those things. And it isn't about lowering your standards but having realistic expectations.

I think you are right, I am kind of serious, if I don't see the person I can marry in the future, I won't date him. It doesn't necessarily mean that I will marry this one, the thing is that I must see him somewhat close to my expection of my future husband. I can't just go out to have fun, I need to be responsible, if I am sure I won't marry someone like him, I won't even go out to him.

[SAB123]

I hate to say this but are going to be single for along time. Their might be 1% of guys who are like this but you are going to have trouble finding them. I know I like to have fun when I'm first dating someone then be responsible when we fall in love?

[huno]

People, I think you're all being too hard on the original poster. Sure, I dislike her as much as you all do--I mean, her username is very misleading. "nicespringgirl" isn't all that nice... her personality is more of an autumn, maybe wintry... and I'm not sure she's even a girl!

But you're all being WAY too hard on her (him?) regarding her qualifications. I don't think she posted them to brag to us and I highly doubt that she starts every conversation by rattling off her resume.

I think she's just feeling frustrated that other girls get to have boyfriends and have dates while she sits at home lonely on a Friday night. She probably sees herself as a catch, which I'm sure she is, and so she views her situation as unfair. That's all.




--huno

P.S.: I don't really dislike you, nicespringgirl. It's that other Chinese girl I can't stand... :mad:

[cjnvgq]

Thanks for your pains.
I just hope next time you would be more considerate.
I really dislike people like you.

[J_9]

What's wrong with having responsible fun? Hun, you are in for a very long lonely life if you only think about responsibility and not fun. Not to mention that therapists can be expensive and you will need one if you don't have fun.

Maybe that is why men are not interested in you. They may see you as all serious and responsible rather than funloving and carefree.

You can be responsible and funloving at the same time you know. ;)

[huno]

I really dislike people like you.

So I take it we're not going out after all? :D

[nicespringgirl]

What's wrong with having responsible fun? Hun, you are in for a very long lonely life if you only think about responsibility and not fun. Not to mention that therapists can be expensive and you will need one if you don't have fun.

Maybe that is why men are not interested in you. They may see you as all serious and responsible rather than funloving and carefree.

You can be responsible and funloving at the same time ya know. ;)

I did try that... but I won't let a guy touch me as "fun". I will joke, I can do that. And I'll watch movies and volunteer with him, or cook, bake, even play videogames, go to bookstore... is that still not enough? Study together is good too;)(okay,okay... I take that back)... ^^

[margarita_momma]

I did try that...but I won't let a guy touch me as "fun".

Touch you in what way? If you won't let a guy touch you at all, not meaning sexually, then you are going to have some problems. :confused: