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Shaunta · Jun 24, 2007, 01:45 PM

Ok well people.. This is kind of complicated but I hope you could help me... I've been in an on and off relationship with this guy for almost 3 years in Sept. We broke up in June '06 and got back together in Nov'06... While we were broken up I was talking to this guy... I never slept with him or anything we were ONLY talking... When me and my "boyfriend" got back together I never told him that I was talking to this guy because I didn't want him to think it was more than what it really was and on top of that my use to be best friend was his cousin and I use to go to her house all the time and I didn't want him to think I was going there to see him... but This guy lets call him Chris got upset with me becaue I told him that me and my boyfriend was getting back together and I didn't want to talk to him anymore... I changed my cell phone number so that he couldn't call... I ended up giving "Chris" my number again because I felt really bad for him with everything that he was going through... I made it seem like it was a big secret because I never told my boyfriend that I was still talking to him... My boyfriend found out by someone else other than me and he flipped... We broke up again in March '07 and stilll to this day were not back together... I tell him over and over again that he is the one I want to be with but he doesn't believe me because I lied to him... He picks me up from work and he will spend some time with me but other than that we don't do anything else... He keeps telling me that he doesn't want to be with me and that we will never get back together for what I did to him but I don't know if I really believe it... The reason I say this is because he told me that he never wanted to see me or talk to me again when this happened and we talk and see each other everyday... Im not complaning because Ik now I was wrong and I should have told him but I didn't... I try so hard to be the perfect girl for him... Anything that he wants I will do for him... He means the world to me and I want to spend the rest of my life with him... I don't know what to do to make him trust me and want to be with me again... I don't like to tell or ask my family for advice because they would tell me something I don't want to hear... That is why I signed up for this... I read some of the questions and answers that has been written and its pretty good... SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!! :(

jeremy4719 · Jun 24, 2007, 01:52 PM

You should have told him, but you already know that... That did some damage, but don't consider it to be the nail in the coffin... This guy obviously cares about you in some form or way, because he talks to you... I honestly think you can't inform him, guide him, or let him know of trust, you have to show him... You have to be open and honest with him on everything... Start with being close as friends, time heals all (most) wounds... He will likely come back around... Tell him how much he means to you and that you feel bad for hiding a conversation in the past, but stress that it was just that... I would also drastically cut back the time you spend talking to that "other guy"... Don't force any issues or give him guilt trips, just be honest and let time do the healing... Good luck!

Shaunta · Jun 24, 2007, 02:14 PM

I don't talk to the other guy anymore... I stopped talking to the other guy when all this happened... He told me that if I stopped talking to him he would do something to me that wsould make me hate him.. When that was said 2 days later this happened..

jeremy4719 · Jun 24, 2007, 02:20 PM

The "other guy" said this or your "recent bf"?

Shaunta · Jun 24, 2007, 03:14 PM

The other guy is the one that said if I stopped talking to him that he would do something to make me hate him

jeremy4719 · Jun 24, 2007, 03:19 PM

Well good.. in a way... let him make you hate him... Then he's completely out of the pic.. No more occasional friend chat... Just focus on your man (or man you desire) instead of this other person... Make your priority the person you love...

Shaunta · Jun 24, 2007, 03:23 PM

No wait... when I told him I didn't want to talk to him anymore that's when he told my boyfriend about us... so that's what he did to make me not like him anymore... and its not even that I don't like him its just... I don't know...

jeremy4719 · Jun 24, 2007, 03:29 PM

I'm sensing a few things...

1... You either like this "other guy" and haven't realized it yet...
2... You don't like either guys and haven't figured it out yet...

If someone you like "recent bf" is told by "other guy" that you all are talking, and you aren't mad at "other guy"... Something is wrong there... If this relationship you are wanting with "recent bf" is worth it and he's this important person to you, you really should have (in my opinion) been a bit pissed at the "other guy" and wrote him off... So think about this, as well as my #1 & #2...

Shaunta · Jun 24, 2007, 03:34 PM

Im not mad at the other guy only because I feel what goes around comes around... What he did was wrong but I feel he will get his in the long run... Im done being mad at people beacause it doesn't do anything for me... So I decided to do things a different way and not let things bother... I don't talk to there other guy at all... he calls and texts my phone but I don't answer it...

jeremy4719 · Jun 24, 2007, 03:38 PM

Here is an idea...

You don't talk to the other guy... Good..
You want your ex back... Good..

Change your number on the phone again.. Tell your ex you did that.. It will make a big impression on him (he might not admit it immediately)...

Tell him afterwords you love him and that from now on you will tell him everything.. But also say, nothing ever happened and we were nothing more then friends (or whatever)...

Shaunta · Jun 24, 2007, 03:44 PM

Why is it that he can't just admit to me that he wants to be with me again... why does he have to play hard to get?? I know I was wrong and I have to live with that everyday but all I want is US to be able to be HAPPY together... All I want is for him to say Yes we will be back together but now right now because you hurt me.. Do you think he knows that I will always be here for him that's why he gives me this whole run around? Should I start to give him the cold shoulder so that he thinks Im getting sick of what he does or how he makes me feel?

jeremy4719 · Jun 24, 2007, 03:49 PM

If I were you I would tell him... Here is how it is.. Spell it out... THen towards the end of that conversation, tell him that you want him in your life, but that if he is going to continue making you feel like you did something wrong (when you didn't) and playing these I don't know games with you, that you will be moving on... Tell him that you won't play anymore... Then just disappear for a bit... Let him find you and see what he has to say... Be receptive, but not concerned... Let him think you are leaving until he convinces you that he needs you back...

Shaunta · Jun 24, 2007, 03:58 PM

What's really crazy is he tells me we won't get back together... then my birthday was recently and the card said "TO MY LOVE ON HER BIRTHDAY" it was going on and on about how he needs me in his life and can't be without me... then when i talk to him on the phone and he is around his friends its like he shows out for them... he yells at me and that's something he never did til recently... im like where did that come from all of a sudden... i want to cut him out of my life for a couple weeks or so but he takes me back and fourth to work... without him taking me to work i wouldn't have a way... if it wasn't for that then i think it would be a lot easier on me... i want to be with him but i feel like i can't keep going through the bull... he brings up the past... i feel that im to young to go through all of this... i think the real reason why its so hard is because he is my first boyfriend... i was never with anyone else... as soon as i turned 18 we got together and been "TOGETHER" since...

jeremy4719 · Jun 24, 2007, 04:00 PM

Give him A (one) chance to make things right (as I said previously)... Then hit the road jack...

How old are you by the way... Just curious?

Shaunta · Jun 24, 2007, 04:03 PM

How Am I Suppose To Give Him A Chance When Im The One That Was Wrong? Im 21

Shaunta · Jun 24, 2007, 04:04 PM

Hes' 29 He'll Be 30

Shaunta · Jun 24, 2007, 04:04 PM

I Know That Is A Big Age Gap But I Feel Like Things Were So Good Between Us Til I Messed Up... and Now Things Are Bad...

jeremy4719 · Jun 24, 2007, 04:06 PM

Give him a chance to make it right, is what I meant... Tell him the second you get a chance to talk how it is and how it will be... Don't hold back.. THen give him that SINGLE chance to make it right... Then end it and move on... He's 29 (same age as me) and is too old for this kind of sh!t... If the ages were reversed, I would understand... YOu sound more mature then he does...

jeremy4719 · Jun 24, 2007, 04:06 PM

YOU didn't mess things up.. So stop blaming yourself for his insecurities.

Shaunta · Jun 24, 2007, 04:10 PM

So You Mean To Tell Me If This Happened Between You And Your Fiancé You Would Give Her A Second Chance?? Do You Know How Hard It Is To Be Like Listen.. either We Can Work This Out Or You Could Walk... he Says That He Doesn't Trust Me And The Only Time He Does Is When Were Together... this Is The Longest Relaionship Both Of Us Has Been In... its So Hard