[Joyous246]

My boyfriend and I split up 3 months ago, we were together for 5 years. I am 28 years old and I have had enough.

I am originally from the country but moved to the city about 7 years ago. During this whole time, I have had NO friends. The only friends I have had were friends of my boyfriends, now that we have broken up I have no one. I have advertised on classifieds sites, but it just seems like no-one wants to be my friend.

My ex and I have still been seeing each other every week and having dinner, sometimes we would sleep together sometimes we would, we tell each other that we still love each other, I've told him I want him back and for us to try again but he says he is too scared of getting hurt again. And now during this last week he has started seeing another girl, he says he only wants friendship with her, but he has admitted to me that she has tried to sleep with him and tells him she wants to be with her, but he has told her no, but he still sees her and goes out with her 'as friends' but it's only a matter of time.

I have no one to talk to, I don't have even 1 friend that I can ring and just say 'hi' to. I am a great person, I really am, so I don't know why no one likes me.

I am alone, I am so unhappy, I have no family, I can't stop thinking how hopeless I am and how much hurt I'm feeling, It would be so much better to just stop all this pain and loneliness. I keep thinking, that if I died at home in my little unit, no-one would ever know, because I have no-one who would call me or message me. No one would miss me.
I'm hurting so badly, I just want to hurt myself physically to stop the emotional hurt.

I don't have money to go see someone proffessionally, but I need help. I wish I was in a mental institution that way I could just sleep all day and not have to face anyone or do anything. I don't want to feel this way, I don't want to hurt or end my life, but I just can't stop thinking about it. It's funny, because a part of me is only happy when I'm depressed if that makes sense.

[Fr_Chuck]

First to have friends you have to be a friend, church, go help out at some soup kitchens or homeless shelters, join a health club of some sort.
Go talk to the people who live next door to you.

As for as mental health, in most US counties, there are mental health services based on your income.

[mimisan]

I'm much younger than you in my teens(not to make you feel old at 28 ) but I have the same problem I just can't seem to make friends. And the only friends I do have are also through my boyfriend. But recently I started living with my sister but its only for a short amoutn of time but since I have been here I have started to become a verry spiritual person. She introduced me to the church again and I think that is what I needed but I'm still in the early stages. Maybe you might want to seek spiritual help. But I feel the same way as you do I also think about killing myself but I know that that's not what I should do I know I should live out my life. But I just need to find ways to cope and so do u. so you might want to take me up on my offer and try the spiritual rout. And this dude obove me is verry wrong you shouldn't talk to your neighbors what would that do but just make you and them feel akward about living next to echother so maybe my advice will work a little better for you... I hope it does... get baq to me on what you think

[snapdragon]

Please talk to me if you'd like. I have no girlfriends and I haven't for about five years. I may not know how to relate to girls anymore, but if you need to talk I'm here.

[hippiechick83]

I sort of know how you feel, I lost my boyfriend about 3 weeks ago... he was killed in an accident. He was my best friend, the only person in the world who truly knew me. I've been so freaking depressed that I hardly ever leave my bedroom, let alone the house. Sometimes, I wish that it was me instead of him. He was everything.

I really have nobody to talk to either... everyone who I thought was my friend is nowhere to be found now that I need someone to talk to. None of my so called friends even showed up for his memorial service... it was on a Saturday and 3 of my so called, ex, f*** 'em all friends were at a "cookout" and too busy to take time out of their booze and whatever... another friend who promised that she'd be there ditched me to get her freak on with the 3rd guy that week. Trust me, it is better to have no friends than a bunch of people who call themselves your friends but only come around when they need money or whatever.

First of all, you do NOT wish you were in a mental institution... I've been there, If you don't come there crazy, then you leave there insane. It was the worst place I've ever been. I've had depression and anxiety for 3 years now and the loony bin does not cure anything. I was taking Zoloft and it helped tremendiously... what a difference. However, I can't take anything now because I'm almost 4 months pregnant so I'm trying to tough it out. Go to your doctors and ask for something. There are a lot better meds now than Zoloft, I just like it because it has little to no side effects, and it doesn't make you feel high or doped up and it isn't habit forming so you can't become addicted.

Also, you can't really sleep all day in the psych ward. They moniter your activities and I made the mistake of sleeping the first few days I was there. They take that as a sign that you are not a normal, functioning human being... they'll never let you out unless you pretend to be a well adjusted person. I went in with the same thing that your feeling, I told the doctor that I didn't want to hurt myself but that I couldn't stop thinking about it. They locked me away faster than you would believe. Please don't do that to yourself.

I mean, if you really were suicidal and slit your wrists or something and clearly wanted to die, then yeah, the looney bin is a good place for you. They babyproof the whole place and you are only allowed to shave your legs with a nurse present. They confiscate all of your things when you come in and you are only allowed to have your clothes and books or magizines. You aren't even allowed to have chocolate or caffeine. It sucks, trust me...

You should just go to the doctors... get some Zoloft or whatever... don't mention the suicidal thoughts unless you really mean it because it tends to make medical professionals freak out... and just ride it out. Go to county mental health or whatever programs are in your area... get a therapist... it helps to talk about it. At least you have the choice of medication... trust me, it helps... ok, this is like my longest freakin post ever...

But yeah, there are ways to help yourself to feel better and to do better... good luck, I mean it! Keep in touch... TTYL

[huno]

First off, I feel for you. I've had times in my life when I felt completely alone, like no one would notice if I disappeared from the face of the Earth. I've also gone through major depressive episodes, too.

You should know that these times do pass. Things will get better; it's not up to you or I to predict when and how, but eventually you'll pass through this time and see better days.

What do you do? Do you work? Go to school? How do you pass the time? How often do you go out to run errands, entertain yourself, or do things outside your home?

Maybe you're just shy; I know I used to be very shy and it was very hard for me to approach people and make friends, even people I'd see on a daily basis (in class, at the gym, etc.). I think you may be passing up opportunities to socialize and interact with people.

Give more details about who you are and what you go through, and maybe we can give you more concrete advice.

[mickey99]

My boyfriend and I split up 3 months ago, we were together for 5 years. I am 28 years old and I have had enough.

I am originally from the country but moved to the city about 7 years ago. During this whole time, I have had NO friends. The only friends I have had were friends of my boyfriends, now that we have broken up I have no one. I have advertised on classifieds sites, but it just seems like no-one wants to be my friend.

My ex and I have still been seeing eachother every week and having dinner, sometimes we would sleep together sometimes we would, we tell eachother that we still love eachother, I've told him I want him back and for us to try again but he says he is too scared of getting hurt again. And now during this last week he has started seeing another girl, he says he only wants friendship with her, but he has admitted to me that she has tried to sleep with him and tells him she wants to be with her, but he has told her no, but he still sees her and goes out with her 'as friends' but it's only a matter of time.

I have no one to talk to, I don't have even 1 friend that I can ring and just say 'hi' to. I am a great person, I really am, so I don't know why no one likes me.

I am alone, I am so unhappy, I have no family, I can't stop thinking how hopeless I am and how much hurt I'm feeling, It would be so much better to just stop all this pain and lonelyness. I keep thinking, that if I died at home in my little unit, no-one would ever know, because I have no-one who would call me or message me. No one would miss me.
I'm hurting so badly, I just want to hurt myself physically to stop the emotional hurt.

I don't have money to go see someone proffessionally, but I need help. I wish I was in a mental institution that way I could just sleep all day and not have to face anyone or do anything. I don't want to feel this way, I don't want to hurt or end my life, but I just can't stop thinking about it. It's funny, because a part of me is only happy when I'm depressed if that makes sense.

I think that you'll feel better if you stop sleeping with the guy, so that you can move on from him and find someone who can really care for you and really be with you. I wanted to kill myself years ago, but I got help and I'm glad I did. I'm not saying that you need to check into a mental institution like I did, but I can tell you what they did for me and what I did there. I told them exactly what was going on with me and they helped me through it. You just need to talk with someone about your problems and hope that they can help you. You need to talk to someone that you can trust.

Please don't try to kill yourself, you can have a great life if you don't. I decided not to kill myself about 8 years ago and now I have been with my husband for almost 8 years and we have been married for almost 5 years and we have a little boy who will be 2 years old and another little boy that just turned 1 month old. There's a whole lot of living to do and if you end your life, you won't have the chance to have what I have now. I'm not saying you'll get exactly what I have, but if you kill yourself, you'll never know how good your life can turn out.

[huno]

I suffer from what I think is called 'social anxiety' when ever I am around strangers I'm fine, but around the people that I work with or around my ex boyfriends friends, I would always get really nervous around them, especially when I had to speak. I would sit there with my heart pounding and feeling sick in the stomach. I'm too afraid to talk to them because I'm afraid they will think what I have to say is stupid, or they will look at me and think I'm an idiot. So most times I just sit quietly and listen.

A-ha. Yes, yes, you're exactly where I was some years ago. My shyness was debilitating; it was compounded by low self-esteem, which had been created over many years since childhood. I couldn't talk to anyone without letting my low self-esteem cloud my logic.

I talked to a personal counselor at school and we did some talk therapy. It helped, and I also got into some group discussion concerning depression, which also helped. Once I stopped going, though, the thoughts of depression came back and, after a year, I went back into counseling. The counselor then prescribed Celaxa, an anti-depressant, and it has helped qualm my depression.

But what really changed my life is the realization that most people really do like me. I started realizing that no one is all that judgmental and even if I do say something foolish or stupid no one really cares. Most people aren't nearly that observant and usually they're too busy thinking about other things.

Another idea that I'd thought of is this: I was so afraid of people's negative reactions to my shortcomings or my mistakes... did I ever stop to think about whether I was as critical as I thought others were? Not really. Most of the time I really don't care if someone says something wrong, inaccurate or foolish--I might laugh slightly, make a quick joke, and move on, never thinking about it again.

That's how most people handle socialization. It's very casual, free-flowing, no one really takes it seriously. There are a$$holes out there, but they're few and far between. You need to get out there and practice socializing. Start small. Make small talk with strangers. Make it a point to greet 5 people a day for a week. Then 10 people a day for a week. Move on to having a short conversation with 5 people you see daily, like at work. Then 10. And so on; give yourself challenges until you feel completely comfortable around people and around yourself.

It will take weeks, months, years, even decades to reverse your low self-esteem and your depression, but it's definitely worth it once you're finished.

[hippiechick83]

No, they won't lock you away for talking to a therapist or whatever... but I went to the ER because my therapist thought I needed to and when I mentioned the word "suicide", they took it pretty seriously... It wasn't that I wanted to hurt myself but I was having overwhelming thoughts of doing so. It is part of the anxiety problem that I do have. So if you do choose to talk to a doctor... just choose your words carefully. They kept asking me if I felt suicidal and I said "yes, but I didn't want to do it." I later found out from a LOT of therapy... lol... that I wasn't suicidal... I was afraid that I would and could get to that point.

So, like I said, if you've made an attempt on your life... then maybe you should go into the hospital until you get started on meds and your moods start to even out. But just don't go in to escape your daily life... it really isn't the best place to be if you just want to sleep all day.

I too have really bad social anxiety disorder. It's hard for me sometimes to even go to the grocery store. I haven't been to the movies for like 3 years and I never go anywhere that I know a lot of people will be at.

But if you really do want to get better... and that is what it sounds like... you can be successfully treated as an outpatient. You don't need to go into the hospital unless you are honestly a danger to yourself and to others.

[shygrneyzs]

Having no money to pay a professional therapist should not hold you back from getting counseling. There are Human Service agencies that offer counseling on a sliding scale fee - based on your income. Even then, you are not forced to pay. They take payments.

Others have given you some great advice. Lessons learned from their experiences. Hippechick stated it best when she said you do not want to be locked in a psych hospital. I worked for one, in the admitting unit and you would not get to sleep your day away. You would have therapy, work to do, medication to take, activities to join, group and individual counseling sessions, and you would not be given any excuses for not partaking in those. That being said, maybe that would not be a bad idea for you. You would see others who are genuinely much worse off than you.

[goingoofy2]

Yikes... I'm so sorry to hear your situation. Can writing your thoughts down on paper help you any? Can going for a walk with headphones [of something up-beat and comfortable playing] make you feel more relaxed? Is there a help line you can communicate with one on one to maybe help you loosen up a little and giggle some? Don't focus your thoughts on the past relationship, think ahead, don't look back my dear... we often think this was the only person in the world for meeeee, but more often we are allowing something better to simply pass us by, trust me, I know. Life is never so awful that we need to harm ourselves; you do all you can to be the best you can and down the road you're going to find the happiness you deserve! BIG SMILE... and have a wonderful day sweetie!

[Krose]

I am feeling excruciatingly similar to you right now for other reasons. I also do not have any friends and at my age it seems almost impossible. I am a decent person, yet have not found people with sensible ideas for entertainment. (Most of my classmates are pot-heads, sluts, or like to drink and party way too much... im not into all of that) I would love to be invited to a party if it involved dancing and talking only... im 19 and I may not be able to relate to you completely because of our ages but I definitely know what you are talking about... especially at a difficult time like this I am having in my family, financial etc.. Life... I used to feel suicidal... but it got worse once I got over that... I felt that if I did kill myself... no one would attend my funeral anyway... but still I am on this earth wasting space, time, energy, and filling a totally worthless body of a young woman that does not belong to anything, living under a roof with a family who does not love me... I just always feel as though I am in the way...

I'm sorry if I could not help you much here... even at 19 I don't have much hope for my life... what's left of it... but as lonely as you seem to be... at least understand that you are not alone in your misery

Love,
K

With this I send a hug... I care because I know what it feels like to be numb.

[saraispiel19]

bullcrαp.. just "friends" --- k if you cαn't see thαt umm no wonder your depressed. I don't wαnt to seem so hαrsh but you gottα see he's just toying with you.

I think whαt your experiencing is pure loneliness-- since you've been with this guy for X yeαrs it'll totαlly hαve αn effect on you.. like whαt chuck sαid going out doing sociαl things is α plus-- if your so greαt then it won't be thαt hαrd right :)

excercise= endorphins, endorphins= hαppy... so join α locαl gym, go jogging αt the pαrk, you'll find lots of jogging buddies or workout pαrtners thαt'll leαd to future friendships. Church is greαt αlso, however: if you αren't the religious type then whαt αbout community events: singles meeting, dαnces, sewing, sports... the sky's the limit.

this guy is obviously pulling you down girlie αnd you don't hαve to wαste your precious little time on α dirt-bαg like him.. so why don'tchα find some new girlfriends- αt work, becαuse you do work right?. hαve some fun - ignore the jerk-off becαuse if he loved you.. you certαinly wouldn't be depressed (or hαve thoughts of being) would you now...

well good luck to yα.. go out hαve fun build up your cαreer... your life is yours not someone elses to (excuse the french) it up

[ReNa07]

My boyfriend and I split up 3 months ago, we were together for 5 years. I am 28 years old and I have had enough.

I am originally from the country but moved to the city about 7 years ago. During this whole time, I have had NO friends. The only friends I have had were friends of my boyfriends, now that we have broken up I have no one. I have advertised on classifieds sites, but it just seems like no-one wants to be my friend.

My ex and I have still been seeing eachother every week and having dinner, sometimes we would sleep together sometimes we would, we tell eachother that we still love eachother, I've told him I want him back and for us to try again but he says he is too scared of getting hurt again. And now during this last week he has started seeing another girl, he says he only wants friendship with her, but he has admitted to me that she has tried to sleep with him and tells him she wants to be with her, but he has told her no, but he still sees her and goes out with her 'as friends' but it's only a matter of time.

I have no one to talk to, I don't have even 1 friend that I can ring and just say 'hi' to. I am a great person, I really am, so I don't know why no one likes me.

I am alone, I am so unhappy, I have no family, I can't stop thinking how hopeless I am and how much hurt I'm feeling, It would be so much better to just stop all this pain and lonelyness. I keep thinking, that if I died at home in my little unit, no-one would ever know, because I have no-one who would call me or message me. No one would miss me.
I'm hurting so badly, I just want to hurt myself physically to stop the emotional hurt.

I don't have money to go see someone proffessionally, but I need help. I wish I was in a mental institution that way I could just sleep all day and not have to face anyone or do anything. I don't want to feel this way, I don't want to hurt or end my life, but I just can't stop thinking about it. It's funny, because a part of me is only happy when I'm depressed if that makes sense.

Please know that you r loved

[Dreams of lies]

Hey I have the some too and it the battle of the mind that is making you feel this way and kill yourself mint feel like it's a great way of getting out of problems but it is not... I was going to do the same because my mom didn't have anogh money to support us with food and I was going to suffer myself be kill myself or was going to run away. But I thought that killing was the thing, but one day you well be happy that you didn't so just stick to it and ask for help nabers if you need food or any thing like that well I hope this helps..

[hippiechick83]

Yeah, let us know that you are OK Dakotabre.

[manga]

You should know that these times do pass. Things will get better; it's not up to you or I to predict when and how, but eventually you'll pass through this time and see better days.

not my thread but this part I needed to read =)

[aston88]

im much younger than you in my teens(not to make u feel old at 28 ) but i have the same problem i just can't seem to make friends. and the only friends i do have are also through my boyfriend. but recently i started living with my sister but its only for a short amoutn of time but since i have been here i have started to become a verry spiritual person. she introduced me to the church again and i think that is what i needed but im still in the early stages. maybe u might want to seek spiritual help. but i feel the same way as u do i also think about killing my self but i kno that thats not what i should do i kno i should live out my life. but i just need to find ways to cope and so do u. so u might want to take me up on my offer and try the spiritual rout. adn this dude obove me is verry wrong u shouldnt talk to your neighbors what would that do but just make u and them feel akward about living next to echother so maybe my advice will work a little better for you ....i hope it does.....get baq to me on what u think

I have friends, I everything but no one knows what I feel, so I guess I'm alone, I know everyone would help but they would stop becoming my friends and becoming my carers