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AntJon82 · Jun 17, 2007, 05:52 PM

My ex girl she's just not who she is when I first met her, she's moody, does not care about how I feel, doesn't want to have sex with me and has said she has found a new man and I'm VERY DEPRESSED. I'm just afraid she's going to treat me like this after she gives birth! SHE HAS ACCUSED ME OF CHEATING EVEN THOUGH I NEVER HAVE. IS IT WRONG FOR A FEMALE TO BREAK UP WITH HER Child's FATHER AT 5months Pregnant ADN FIND A NEW MAN THAT NOT GOOD FOR HER?? EVEN WHEN YOU WANT HER BACK AND WANT TO FIX Everything?? :( HOW DO I HANDLE THIS ALL I FEEL SO SAD N ANGRY EVERY DAY

JoeCanada76 · Jun 17, 2007, 05:58 PM

Originally Posted by AntJon82

my ex gurl she's just not who she is when i first met her, she's moody, does not care about how i feel, doesn't want to have sex with me and has said she has found a new man and im VERY DEPRESSED. i'm just afraid she's going to treat me like this after she gives birth! SHE HAS ACCUSED ME OF CHEATING EVEN THOUGH I NEVER HAVE.! IS IT WRONG FOR A FEMALE TO BREAK UP WITH HER CHILDS FATHER AT 5months PREG ADN FIND A NEW MAN THAT NOT GOOD FOR HER???????? EVEN WHEN YOU WANT HER BACK AND WANT TO FIX EVERTHING???:( HOW DO I HANDLE THIS ALL I FEEL SO SAD N ANGRY EVERY DAY

She is your ex girlfriend, right?

She has accused you of cheating, that tells me that she is trying to take the attention off herself and that when she was with you she was the one that was cheating. I can not prove that, but that is the way it sounds to me.

Maybe your not the father? How do you know for sure, she has proven that she is not trust worthy. When the baby is born. Paternity testing is a must to find out if your truly the father or not.

Sorry but you can not fix somebody. You can not fix everything. Your feeling sad and angry because you can not control how somebody acts towards you. You need to realize that there is nothing you can do to make somebody care for you. You can not change anybody. This person has made their own personal choices and quite honestly I think you are better off without her.

The baby on the other hand is truly innocent in all of this and I truly feel sad about the situation the baby is being born into, but that was not your choice. That was the mothers choice.

I hope you take to heart my opinions and thoughts on your situation. Be smart and if you are the father make sure you fight for your rights to be in your child's life.

Joe

AntJon82 · Jun 17, 2007, 06:09 PM

Well i want her in my life i want to be the father but she accused me of cheating cause i left some comments on myspace dat where no serious to and old best friend of her's i have found out a lot of dark stuff about her she has cheated on me of left me for an older ex co-worker that nearly 40 she is 20 years odl she has told my mom n her cousin that she don't want me and that im immature can i don't trust her she has told me stuff like she wants to join a gang!! She lives in brooklyn nyc and i live in newark in nj i'm 24 i work but love with my mom n she is 20 n hasn't worked ever since i met her. Its not fair i hgave done nothing but kissed up too her since i met her she was true wifey material till she got pregnant by me. Now she don't even want me calling her she is also mad at me cause i haven't been there for her money wise wit med bills for the pregnant. I told her i can't paly them cause there not my bills iknow that mean but i don't make a lot of money i feel that her fam is lying to me and that not my kid but i want that chil to be mine rven though his mother don't like me anymore yes she having a boy i jus feel like a loser and im angry everyday so angry i dnt go to work

JoeCanada76 · Jun 17, 2007, 06:17 PM

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

She is your ex girlfriend, right?

She has accused you of cheating, that tells me that she is trying to take the attention off of herself and that when she was with you she was the one that was cheating. I can not prove that, but that is the way it sounds to me.

Maybe your not the father? How do you know for sure, she has proven that she is not trust worthy. When the baby is born. Paternity testing is a must to find out if your truly the father or not.

Sorry but you can not fix somebody. You can not fix everything. Your feeling sad and angry because you can not control how somebody acts towards you. You need to realize that there is nothing you can do to make somebody care for you. You can not change anybody. This person has made their own personal choices and quite honestly I think you are better off without her.

The baby on the other hand is truly innocent in all of this and I truly feel sad about the situation the baby is being born into, but that was not your choice. That was the mothers choice.

I hope you take to heart my opinions and thoughts on your situation. Be smart and if you are the father make sure you fight for your rights to be in your childs life.

Joe

Writing everything in capitals is not going to change my mind about what I wrote. Everything you said in your second post just confirms what I said originally. So it is time for you to stop feeling for yourself and actually make a difference and make choices in your own life to continue making ends meet. To continue to fight for your right to find out if you're the father or not. You are better off without her and she is just going to cheat on you again.

Best thing you can do, is lift yourself up. Get off your butt and go back to work. If you do not do this your just setting up yourself to be a failure. Is this what you really want. Please understand I am just telling you what I see as the truth and you need to continue living your life.

J_9 · Jun 17, 2007, 06:30 PM

Please please please turn off the caps and use some punctuation so that what you write is understandable.

AntJon82 · Jun 17, 2007, 06:40 PM

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

Writting everything in capitals is not going to change my mind about what I wrote. Everything you said in your second post just confirms what I said originally. So it is time for you to stop feeling for yourself and actually make a difference and make choices in your own life to continue making ends meet. To continue to fight for your right to find out if your the father or not. You are better off without her and she is just going to cheat on you again.

Best thing you can do, is lift yourself up. Get off your butt and go back to work. If you do not do this your just setting up yourself to be a failure. Is this what you really want. Please understand I am just telling you what I see as the truth and you need to continue living your life.

Are you sure? This is the right way I mean I'm so in love with her but I have nearly lost my life cuase of her I was attacked on mother day by a male friend of her's she was also smoking weed on mother day. I think I need to ask her mother some advice before I mean we had a goo thing going then it all went down hill I'm so depressed I'm in a very deep now everything I'm doing is bad luck. I don't deserve to by any kid dad I'm not wanted or loved by anybody

J_9 · Jun 17, 2007, 06:42 PM

First thing you need to do is stop feeling sorry for yourself. Sheesh, boy no one wants to be around someone who says things like "i dont deserve to by any kid dad im not not wanted or loved by anybody" Personally I would run for the hills too if my man talked like that.

Get a backbone, dude.

Now, why did you two break up? How old are the two of you?

AntJon82 · Jun 17, 2007, 06:51 PM

Is it cool for a girl to find a new man while pregnant even though she broke up with you for the wrong reasons?? Is that putting the baby at risk or being unhealthy is it also bad for girl to smoke weed while 5 months pregnant. I'm just so sad my girl has left me and I don't know if the kid is mine her cousins are bad influence on her?? And they along with her decisions have messed us up I'm 24 and she is 20 she is acting very immature and her family don't like me at least some of them.:(

alkalineangel · Jun 17, 2007, 06:53 PM

The same people monitor this section. There is no need to post the same question more than once...

AntJon82 · Jun 17, 2007, 06:55 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

First thing you need to do is stop feeling sorry for yourself. Sheesh, boy no one wants to be around someone who says things like "i dont deserve to by any kid dad im not not wanted or loved by anybody" Personally I would run for the hills too if my man talked like that.

Get a backbone, dude.

Now, why did you two break up? How old are the two of you?

She 20 I'm 24

alkalineangel · Jun 17, 2007, 06:56 PM

I agree with what Jesus helper posted. There is nothing you can do at this point. You can't change her or her ways. Her anger and threats don't mean anything. Once the baby is born, you have every legal right to request a paternity test. If you are the father, then you have legal right to joint custody (full custody, if she is proven to be as negligent as you say) You deserve to be with your child if you are the father, regardless of whether you are with the mother, and to be honest, if I was in your shoes, I wouldn't want to be with her.

J_9 · Jun 17, 2007, 06:57 PM

Okay, what I am saying is from what I have read, yes, she is cheating, doing drugs, etc... but what drove her to this? Are you being too needy? Too dependent? Too depressing?

That is what it sounds like from your post. Sounds like she ran for the hills, in the wrong direction, yes, but she ran for some reason.

How close are you to her mother? Can you contact her doctor and get him to give her a drug test?

I have to say I agree with everything Joe said. However, that last post of yours was way too dramatic dude. If that is the way you act around her, I am not surprised that she took off.

J_9 · Jun 17, 2007, 06:59 PM

Originally Posted by AntJon82

she tohugh i cheated on her with an old friend on myspace my leaving comments on her page

Whoa Nellie, hold on here...

Did you leave comments on the other girls page?

AntJon82 · Jun 17, 2007, 07:05 PM

Yes I left comments back in January and she just saw them 2 weeks ago I love her laot and yes she been smoking weed "last i saw on mothers day" and not taken her pregnant meds!! Or pills she is so angry at me but denys it. She has others or something influencing her. There is no way we can sit down and talk with out being distracted by her family. She is the first real steady girl I ever had let alone sex partner no she not my first but. I need honest opinion everybody told them to leave her alone you don't deserve her pain she is putting you through but I don't want to leave my son if he's mine alone and calling another guy dad especially in BROOKLYN NYC I need through help with this

J_9 · Jun 17, 2007, 07:10 PM

Okay, slow down, take a deep breath.

Right now there is not much you can do. However, you can contact her doctor and request that he give her a drug test. He may, he may not, but it is worth a try. When the baby is born you get a DNA test, just to be sure it is yours.

If the drug test came out positive then you can petition the court for sole custody.

But as of right now, I am very sorry to say that there is not much you can do.

Sorry I was so harsh on you earlier, but from what you wrote, wow, I can say I would be leaving too. I know now that you are just emotionally charged, and I can't blame you. But really there is nothing you can do at this point.

AntJon82 · Jun 17, 2007, 07:21 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

Okay, slow down, take a deep breath.

Right now there is not much you can do. However, you can contact her doctor and request that he give her a drug test. He may, he may not, but it is worth a try. When the baby is born you get a DNA test, just to be sure it is yours.

If the drug test came out positive then you can petition the court for sole custody.

But as of right now, I am very sorry to say that there is not much you can do.

Sorry I was so harsh on you earlier, but from what you wrote, wow, I can say I would be leaving too. I know now that you are just emotionally charged, and I can't blame you. But really there is nothing you can do at this point.

OK I guess I just called her and she sounded angry at me I just can't take this anymore the baby is coming in sept this is an everyday thing we argue so much I just need somebody to help me with all this I can't turn to my parents or friends cause I can't truth anybody.

J_9 · Jun 17, 2007, 07:23 PM

She is your ex right? Leave her alone... contacting her will only cause problems as you can see.

Give her some space, some time to miss you, some time to think.

Do you have any close friends you can talk to?

JoeCanada76 · Jun 17, 2007, 07:29 PM

We all are trying to help you but it does not seem like you want to hear the truth, does not sound like you want to actually receive our help. You know why. You have been given good advice. Yet, you have not listened to any of it.

You NEED TO LEAVE HER ALONE RIGHT NOW. Calling her and being overbearing and smoothering her to do what you want, like Janine has said will only make your situation worst. It does sound like you are way over top emotionally and that the way your behaving the way your acting towards her will make her more determined to stay away from you.

Please read everything that was written by J9, alkalineangel and myself and look at your part in this relationship failing also know when to cut your losses. Right now is a good time. That means get back to work, that means contact her doctors, that means get ready to get paternity testing done after she has the baby.

Now you need to sit back, relax, and learn how to become patient. If you do not do this you will not be good to anybody. Take care of yourself right now and only focus on getting yourself well.

Now because of all of the back and forth and your emotional state. I think it is time that you see a doctor, and counsel. There is no shame in asking for help. You need to realise that most of the pain your feeling is being afflicted on yourself by your own thoughts and feelings. Once you realize this you will be able to make decisions that actually make a better future instead of being the opposite.

Best wishes.

Joe

AntJon82 · Jun 17, 2007, 07:34 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

She is your ex right? Leave her alone.....contacting her will only cause problems as you can see.

Give her some space, some time to miss you, some time to think.

Do you have any close friends you can talk to?

Honestly I don't have any friends while me and her where together and going through problems a girl I didn't know wanted to hook up with me she saw that my child's mother was treating me bad but I todl her no thks cause I want to work stuff out with her that person ended up angry at me for turning them down I want to be in my sons life but at the same time his mother treats me like crap and don't appreciate me but she wasn't always like she been so angry complaining about my sex to me being soft to not being thugged out like her ex's or even not helping her with her pregnant med bills. Yes she was my girl friend from sept 06 she 5months or more pregnant?? I feel I don't deserve her but at the same time I feel like my life is over losing her and the baby! I mean I don't often met nice girl or meet one that interested in me I feel like my life is meaningless I just wan her back and what good for the baby. There's nobody on my side people tell me just leave her alone and wait for the baby but she has told me that the baby don't need you on anything you buy saying she going to throw my stuff away?? IM JUST STUCK WITH NO ROAD TO GO DOWN.

JoeCanada76 · Jun 17, 2007, 07:52 PM

She is not a good girl.

Everybody is on your side. Everybody is trying to help you out by advising you what is the best thing to do in this situation.

Because your not liking what your hearing your ignoring all the good advice. You are only seeing the things you want to see and that is it. That is your problem and your own diffulcuties.

So since you do not want to listen to anybodies advice, since you do not think anybody is on your side. I think I am not going to post anymore. I said all that needs to be said.

It is up to you weather you take the advice or not. It is your own decisions you will have to make in your life but we all already advised you in what to do. Just remember that the decisions that you have made so far and actions that you have taken has not got you anywhere, now has it?

Joe