[momoftwokiddos]

My four year old has had this attitude that really hurts me, yesterday he told me that he did not love me and wanted to run away to the airport and go to Grandmas house. My husband was out to sea for eight months and I took care of him and his sister by myself the entire time he was out. I understand that he is four but he knows what he is saying and he knows that it is not a very nice thing to say and that he should not say it to anyone but he still does it. He was not in trouble at the time I was just getting him ready for school at the time when he said it. I think that I have been very patient with him and I understand that his dad was out for such a long time and now he is back but why does he have to take his anger out on me? I don't expect to be his friend... I am his parent, his advocate and guide through his childhood. My husband came home late last night and I blew up and left, my son kept on saying how much he loves his grandmother and how much he doesn't love me, does anyone have any advice?:(

[godprawn]

I get that a bit from my 5 yr old. He is pushing my buttons so to speak. I tell him I love him and smile a lot just to show that his words have no effect. It works (until he says it again) its usually out of anger. Chk that no-one is putting you down in front of him!

[Fr_Chuck]

It is just a four year old, by 6 they will run away for the circus, by 8 they want to run away and marrry their first girl friend, by 13 they will most likely actually try and run away, and by 19 you will be wishing they would move out.

You are making way too much out of this.

[Alioop]

I agree with the other responses. Yes its always hurtful to hear but he is only four, when he tells you that just smile tell him you LOVE him and it would hurt you if he went to live with his grandmother.- Honestly that is ALL he is looking for - reassurance

- Maybe you can always call his bluff-- tell him he can go to live with his grandmother.. you will see a change..

[J_9]

OMG, you are kidding right? My 5 year old said the same thing to me about 3 months ago. You know what I told him? I said "Okay, I will call Nanny and tell her you are on your way. Now, take your clothes off."

What the heck you say? Well I told him that he came into this world, and my life naked, he will go out that way. LOL

Then I told him that if that is what he wanted to do that is okay with me. I just want him to know that I love him and I always will. He can be mad at me if he wants to, and that's okay, but if he decides that he wants to run away I will be sad and I will miss him, but I will always love him. Understand that I am a mother of 4, ages ranging 21, 19, 13, and 5.

You need to get the book "Mama Do You Love Me" it is wonderful. It shows in your child's terms that no matter how bad they are, or what terrible things they do, that we will still love them. My favorite saying in the book is.

"I will love you forever and for always, because, you are my dear one."

[Wondergirl]

Our school librarian's son used to tell the teachers that his mother locked him in the closet when they got home from school and she gave him only pb&j sandwiches to eat. His mom was horrified when we told her what he was saying. (It wasn't true.)

That's what kids do. They have lots of imagination and moms are their soft place to fall, so just counter with a comment like J_9 had given her child. Try to be humorous and don't take it seriously. If he says he's running away from home, ask what time he's leaving because you plan to bake cookies once he's gone or some such comment. Or turn it into a story session. "Hmmmm, you are leaving? Who will wear your clothes while you're gone? What will you do while you're away? Will you miss me? home? our cat? your brother?" etc. and build a story with such questions. Then staple pages together like a small book and write down his story and let him draw pictures for it. Turn his "threat" into something entertaining and fun for both of you.

[ceeceesworld]

Lol My seven year old told me he was going to run away. I told him OK. I offered to help him pack and asked him where he was going to go and reminded him he would get hungry. I then told him I loved him and that I didn't want him to go. He's still here. :D

[OldMom]

When I was 3 years old I got mad at my mother (for what reason I can't recall) and actually started packing a little suitcase that was used for doll clothes. I grabbed my favorite doll and began walking out the door. All the while my mother was just "yup"ping me out the door. As I walked out the door, of course the suitcase opened up and all the clothes fell out. I dropped everything, cried and ran back up to my room. I got over it. However, kids today are not as innocent in their statements, as I'm finding through the years of motherhood. Although I sort of agree with Fr Chuck, I wouldn't take the statements too lightly either. If he brings it up again, tell him that you can try to arrange it, but tell him he'll have to go without any toys or other special items that he likes at home. This way he has no 'comforts'. I'm not saying to actually send him along, but let him think he may not have it as easy at Grandma's as he thinks he would. What does Grandma do that makes him think she's better than you? Just curious. Also, does your husband say anything about this? You don't mention his take on all this in your message. If he does nothing, then you have two problems.

[rankrank55]

He's only 4, he has not cognitively developed all of the way and therefore is very egocentric! He LOVES you don't worry; all of the suggestions above are really great and would probably work for you in this situation. Good luck!

[s2tp]

Haha, some of these stories remind me of the story my mom will never let me live down. Apprently when I was 6/7 and my brother was 8/9 we got mad at our step dad for whatever reason and got hold of some markers. My big brother proceeded to teach me cuss words by writing them all over his bed frame... and they were generally directed towards our step dad, and how he beat us and this and that. My mom came in the room and my step dad came in right after and they were both horrified. Needless to say, I was never 'beaten' as a child... got a few of those good (deserved) whoopins with the wooden spoon or spatula, but I can only recall about 2-3 times it ever came to that... lol

So Kids do throw fits, and I think you should try another approach. I enjoyed J_9's approach... Kids always have big ideas and imaginations, but once he realizes he can't make it on his own it should make him double think before he speaks...

Either way, Best Of Luck!

[momoftwokiddos]

My husband talked to our son. He has apologized for his angry statement. Oh his Grandmother spoiles him so very much every visit he gets tons of new toys and clothes. I know he did not mean it I think that it was because I have been so freaking stressed. My hubby was out to sea for eight months and when he got back they only wanted him it was as if I did not exist anymore. I thank you all for your help and sharing your stories.

[nafraker]

Well, your answers did help but I'm still scared about my daughter running out the door. She threatened leaving when she was 4. So I opened the door for her. To my horror she headed down the road, barefoot and crying. She got down 1/2 a block before I ran and got her. Now at almost 6 she has threatened it 4 times in the last 3 days. She actually packed and started walking out the door. My husband used humor and told her we can't make her stay here if we wanted to. I kind of thought that was incorrect being that we are her teachers and protectors and I will not allow my child to think that she is in charge ofher life. She is only 6! She is old enough to know what she is doing but to not know what the world is really like. I fear if I don't nip this in the butt that I'll have a teen runaway.