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SpottieOttie33 · Jun 12, 2007, 03:10 PM

I have been with my love for about 3 years now…

After our first year together his mother passed away suddenly. His attitude changed, as would mine, and he became someone different to me. We started to drift apart through the months following and things were not looking so good for our relationship. Things were very rocky, we fought a lot and as much as we wanted it to work…it just didn’t seem to be clicking. One day I found out from a friend that he had cheated on me and was keeping it a secret. He had lied about other things in our relationship too that I always confronted him on, most of the time it was his obsessions with porn. I tried not to let those things get to me, but cheating crossed the line. I confronted him about the affair and he admitted it to being true. We took 2 months to ourselves, in different states not able to see each other, but we did talk on the phone daily. We both decided that we wanted to be together again and when we did reunite things seemed better than ever.

To this day things are good…or so it seems. We still fight, but now what we fight about is the fact that I can’t trust that he won’t cheat on me again. Some days I don’t worry about it at all, and those days are great! But other days I worry myself to death that he might be running around while I am at work.

I know he loves me. In fact, two weekends ago he asked me to marry him. How exciting, right! Yes, but now my worry has gotten even worse and the feeling that he might be getting too personal with his girl class mates or co workers is getting out of control. He promises me that he would NEVER hurt me again, and I really want to believe him. He seems to have grown up, but the thought that “once a cheater always a cheater” won’t leave my brain. Is it normal that I am still obsessive over him cheating when it’s been more than a year? What are some ways to trust him again? He is willing to help me too, he knows I want to get past this and he wants me to also. I need some help!

luvabubble · Jun 12, 2007, 08:19 PM

Hey there... I think you should give it a shot, maybe not marry him straight away and have some time to grow trust before you decide to marry him... the term "ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER" is not particularly true.. if you know he loves you then and if he DOES love you then you should believe him that he won't hurt you again...

Hope I helped, please let me know

Cheers and good luck

Sam_Felgen · Jun 12, 2007, 08:31 PM

I do agree with luvabubble and I think you shouldn't rush into it all again. But it is probably normal to be worried about him cheating again. I have been cheated on twice and I have learnt with how to deal with it and I still think about why it happened and things like that but I do not think you should get married just yet if you still question your feelings about each other. I hope I helped a little bit and good luck with him as well! :)