[diya]

How can your heart heal if a memory remains?

Memory is a part of thought process and we are constantly thinking, so idealistically you will never forget just the way you would have fallen down in your childhood and got hurt... the scar remains not the wound, right! So as you grow, heart and wounds will heal... it's a process and will follow on its own... only if you take care of yourself... and let nature take its own course... close your eyes... and say" please forgive those who have hurt me and help me others forgive me..." say this aloud 3 times daily for a week... see what happens... it works.

[emopunk7]

Update?

[pbasu]

See, what I believe is "what happens in life happens for some reasons" .If that relationship is broken down then it means you deserve someone better than him.
Forget it and engage yourself with some other activities.
Enjoy the life.
The person who has gone you cannot call him back, let him go away .
Life is a test innings and not a one day cricket match .
Life is a long journey.

[Jiser]

I can honestly say I haven't had as many experiences in my life since my ex broke up with me. Seriously she's missing out and I am not that bothered. Go on holiday, go new places, book some festivals, seriously because Ive had so many experiences with other people and I've traveled about and kept myself busy I am finally starting to get over it. She no longer consumes my thoughts every minute of the day. More like brief glances back when I am alone or not doing anything.

So the key is to keep busy and experiencing FUN fun things.

[HurtingALot]

Ok... so here's the update. After 2 1/2 weeks of NC, I called him... No response. Thought it was definitely over... and I was suffering, but I guess I "began" healing... Even went out on a casual date (awful... my heart was definitely not in the right place... ) About a week and a half ago, I called one more time... didn't get him, and I didn't leave a message. But lo and behold... he called back... Twice. We spoke briefly... and even met the following week, briefly. No real resolution to our situation... and I was still suffering. After a phone conversation last Monday night, I decided that it was truly time to let this go. Thought he just wasn't into me anymore... and that I had seriously began wasting my time. SO... On Tuesday morning... I had decided that it was over FOR ME. (And I actually felt OK with this... ) Then the phone calls start coming... He calls about 10 times on Tuesday... I spoke with him BRIEFLY... and told him Goodbye and Good Luck to You. Tuesday night, he calls another 4 times... and when he doesn't reach me... he shows up at my house to talk. This story is long enough and I won't bore you with the details... but he says he doesn't want to let me go... He had a lot going on and needed some time to sort things out... blah... blah... Has gone out a few times with friends... no dates... not interested in anyone but me. We decide to try a lighter side of dating... Nobody dates anyone else... but not a crazy BF/GF commitment like before... just see what happens. So that's where we're at. But here's the thing... I'm not even certain that I want this so much anymore. He is still as selfish as ever... although he doesn't speak to me abusively anymore (or yet... anyway... ) I am just thinking that maybe he's just not that great after all! After all that drama!! Tal said in a post once, something to the effect of "we sometimes chase so much after what we want....that in the end we're not even sure what it is that we are getting...." This is so true! I got him back... he came back to me when he thought I was really done with him. Great... now what?! Maybe it was supposed to happen this way so that I could finally be finished with him without all the heartbreak... I'm not sure where I'm going to go from here... or how the story ends... but that's where I'm at right now. Tal... I'd love for you to let me know your thoughts... but please be nice! I'm still sensitive!!

[HurtingALot]

No thoughts on my update? I would love some input! So many people have helped so much on this board... I really respect and value your opinions...

[emopunk7]

I totally know what you mean. Sometimes when you get what you wanted, it's like you don't want it so much anymore. I guess the whole, keep a woman guessing is true... lol Now he wants back and you know it so it's not the same anymore. Or it could just be you realize it's not all too grand anymore. I have hoping to feel this way also someday. Where if she comes back, I wouldn't want her... I'm pretty sure it would be that way too. I feel happy today... I have no idea why. I guess because I cried and thought so much of it yesterday and the good wise words from the people in this have helped. Good luck. And remember to not just jump in... It seems like you have the upper hand now. Keep pulling a little. Don't be quick to respond to his every need. Once again Good Luck and stay strong!

[HurtingALot]

Thanks Emo! It is so good to have found people that we can share our "stuff" with... the good, bad and the ugly! It is so helpful! As far as my relationship goes... I'm definitely not so sure about having the upper hand at this point... (although it would be nice! ) I guess I'm going to try to just ride the wave and see what happens... while trying to not get in too deep and get hurt all over again. Maybe I'll meet someone else and get the heck out of this drama once and for all! We shall see!

[SAB123]

One way to look at it is now that he wants you back you are in control now. I would go out with other guys and keep him on the back burner. If you can't handle it or find someone better you can always go back to him. But I think you'll find someone better. I know this sound selfish to do this but he didn't care about you when he broke up with you. But what ever you do follow your heart and think about your future with him. It may happen again and again, like my ex does with me?

[talaniman]

Sooner or later you'll have enough of the misery and pain, and decide for yourself that you would rather be happy. That goes for you both. (emo, hurt)

[HurtingALot]

So Tal... /.in not so many words, you think I'm nuts for getting back with him? I am really not sure what to do here.

[talaniman]

The fact that your not sure means, you need time for yourself and your own life and needs, before you need a relationship. Have you ever thought of making yourself happy??

[HurtingALot]

I guess I need to figure out how to do that... I got very used to putting someone else's needs before mine. Tal... again you are right... a little BLUNT for my taste... but still right! I have some personal work to do... Maybe things will become a little more clear for me with some time and work for myself!

[talaniman]

a little BLUNT for my taste...

Meaning what exactly??

[Inspired]

I know what you mean. They do say time heals... but you never forget. Sure the pain goes away, but the memory is forever engraved. I am going through a similar situation. Come to find out that the guy I was with for 1 year was leading a double life. He had been sleeping with his ex wife the whole time and lying to both of us throughout. The funny thing... I never even knew he was married before. We had talked about marriage even to the point that he flew with me to meet my parents who live in another state. So if time heals all... how do you forget such a betrayel?

[cal823]

It can be hard to "get over" a person, because hey, its an entire person!
But, if a relationship is hurting you, and you feel that that person is hurting you, it needs to end, or be fixed.
Every time you get rejected, or dumped, or break up, that's one relationship closer to the final one, the one in which you will fall in love completely, so look at it this way, you've narrowed it down, you've thrown back one of the fish in the sea, and it isn't going to bite you again, unless you want it to, maybe, the next fish will be better, but even if its not, that good fish is out there, waiting for your bait.

[HurtingALot]

Hello everyone... I am back after a while. (I have been reading... just not posting. Things were going OK and thought I could give you all a break from my drama! ) Anyway... I am back. THE UPDATE... For those who don't know my story, here it is in a nutshell. Had a relationship with a guy who was pretty much a jerk most of the way through. (9 months.. ) Don't get me wrong, there were good times too... (guess there always are at some level) but the bad far outweighed the good. Of course when he says he wants a break/break-up, I am devastated... and fall to pieces. That's where this board came in and without the daily input from Tal, Geoff, Emo and a list of others, I don't know how I would have made it... (as it was, I think I just barely did.) SO... after about a month, he contacts and says he wants to try again, but differently. (Of course... stupid me) agrees and we get back together. The getting back together bliss was pretty short-lived for me. I was happy to not feel heartbroken anymore, but the relationship (and his behavior) was/is pretty much the way it was before. (SURPRISE... ) Anyway... after a few more fights, I decide this is crazy and start seeing other people. (unbeknownst to him, or at least so I thought.) I know that this was of course wrong of me to do and I should have just ended it with him, but I still am into him (for whatever ridiculous reason) and don't want to let him go just yet. So, this goes on for a couple of weeks and I think that all is going OK. We haven't been seeing too much of each other but this is OK with me since it affords me the opportunity to go out with others without lying to him etc etc. SO... last night, he calls and says he wants to talk about us. Long story short, I find out that he recently met someone else as well and supposedly met up for the first time this past week. He says they had dinner, a peck goodbye and nothing else happened. I think I believe him. He doesn't know if he is going to see her again and assures me that he's not trying to replace me, as I am still his girlfriend (for whatever that's worth... ) We later talked about how I have been seeing other people, and he says he has known, he's not particularly happy about that and therefore, feels justified in seeing this girl himself last week.

He says he doesn't want to totally "end" us... he thinks that we can work something out... But I told him I'm not OK with being with other people if we're really together.

Sorry about the LONG story... I'll get to the point. If I am seeing 2 other people who treat me so much better and there is actual future potential with, why does it kill me to think that he also had a date with someone else? I know deep down that there is no future with this guy. He is a manipulator and can be really mean and verbally abusive... yet after a year, I stay. I also know that I am not being totally fair to the other guys (the good ones) because I am still "stuck on stupid??!!" Why can't I just let this one go? I know he is bad for me, yet I can't seem to say goodbye...

HELP?! Please?! :confused:

[Sdjosh]

You were together for a year... there are feelings still there and you have not taken time off to get over it yet. Its better to break it off with him now as you both aren't really serious and you are only going to drag out this breakup over a longer period. Clean break.

[SAB123]

I would end it ASAP. The longer you drag this drama on the longer it's going to take to get over him. You are just wasting time and NOW your emotional heart ache you are going to go through again. I would say your goodbyes then end it.

[Haplo]

To be brutally honest (and I hope you won't hate me for this) you don't really want to let go. There's something you're still hanging on to, some hope or desire for a future with him. Your feelings come from an amazing amount of conflict inside yourself. If I had to hazard a guess, I would guess that you don't want to be alone, and in order to be with the new guy you have to let go of the old and that scares you because what if the new guy leaves and then you're alone?

Unfortunately, you can't stay where you are. Relationships require a lot of faith and hard work and trust. You know the old guy isn't what you want, so you have to start taking responsibility for yourself and your desires.

I hope you understand I don't say this to be mean. You have to look inside yourself and think about what it is with the original guy that you want. And whatever it is, is it worth all the other stuff you have to deal with to have it. If not, let him go. Say to yourself, I don't want this, I want something better, something happier, something that satisfies MY NEEDS. Maybe the new guy can give you that, he certainly sounds like he's doing a better job of it already.

Letting go is the hardest lesson I've ever had to learn (and even now I struggle with it.) I see the same issues inside you. Don't let the fear run your life. Choose something better for yourself, even if it's to say to the original guy "Let's make this work, but we need to be better to do so." Take a stand for yourself and what you want. :)