[umair91]

My first verse is submerge it'll burst you with a curse even in reverse
After you're dead
I'll be waiting for the nurse to come towards the hearse and put you on the bed
I've already rehearsed so no need for the course I have finally emerged
In this hurl/no time to watch the world twirl you hear me girl
Dig up a burial ground for your a** to go in your done
There's no hope for you I won you're dope, hun
Take these fake prescription pills to the pope
You can't cope with my s*** there's no hope you're broke

Give true honest feedback I want to know how good or dope I am.

[startover22]

Am I getting this right? Is this about killing someone? It is not my style. I like poems with floweres and true love!

[umair91]

If it's not the type of music then why the F*** did you comment about not liking it you don't like this kind of music d***head

[startover22]

Wow, You said be honest and truthful. I never said I didn't like it, I just said it wasn't my style. I was also wondering what it was about if you noticed, just because it isn't my style doesn't mean I don't find it interesting. Calm down!

[J_9]

give true honest feedback i want to know how good or dope I am.

You wanted true honest feedback and you got it from one person so far.

If it's not the type of music then why the F*** did you comment about not liking it you don't like this kind of music d***head

No need to be so rude.

[shygrneyzs]

Well, it is not good and it is not as bad as some of the rap I have heard. But it is nothing I would buy, rate, listen to on a radio, or watch if it were made into a video. I do not care for rap, it mostly is hateful or degrading to someone. Too much anger for me.

People talk about not getting respect - wonder why when there are lyrics that speak of corpses, graves, dope, hearses, no hope, etc.

I understand from your lyrics that you are angry with this girl. Did she break up with you? Writing it down is good therapy, I will grant you that. Better than actually putting her in the ground.

[bushg]

I'm just glad it didn't contain the N word or the B word... I took it that your telling the gril she is dead if she continues with drugs... but hay I may be wrong. p.s. I see your words ryhming

[startover22]

Give it true>>>>>>
Give it honest>>>>>>
I want the feedback>>>>>
But, please lie>>>>>
So I don't fall flat on my back!>>>>>

I rapped this while I wrote it too, it was fun. I might take it up as a new hobby, my kids might like it.

umair91, I do listen to rap, I actually like a lot of it, older stuff is the best. Getting feedback is a good thing whether it be bad or good because we learn from it. That is all I am saying. The up coming new rapper "startover22" will be right back with a little ghetto gospel! Lot's of loves to you! I'm out!

bushg, you can't rush a good artist, give me time baby, give me time!

As far as umair91, if you want to talk about how you feel, you can. I mean that is what music is about right? You can't just find a few words to write down, they got to mean something and then make sense. Are you feeling it? I know that the whole art factor comes in! I understand if you are just trying to be original. Maybe I just need to catch up on my slang cause I just am not feeling it! Good luck!

[umair91]

Thanks for all the feedback so far sorry I didn't mean to be so rude, and the song isn't about a woman that I'm killing well its just a little thing I had with my friend to see which is better and I beathim by miles everyone said this is beter so I thought I would put it on here, I started by trying to diss the opponent with 'my first verge... ' then just found lots of rhyming words to change it and still trying to talk about the opponent like freestyle rap battle for example I'll diss you so bad the nurse will come down and put you in the hearse if that helps you understand.

Oh and about the part that I call him girl is to sort of degrade HIM like instead of calling him a little b***h I call him a girl to keep ita bit clean and rhyme I didn't take too long on this but tell me if understand it betternow

[Clough]

All good "rap"port between you and the above posters.

I am a music teacher. I won't take a stand as far as what your rap is concerning. That has already been addressed above.

But, from a musical standpoint, I hope that you don't mind that I have rearranged your rap so that it will fit into a more definite rhythm of some kind.

I think that your rap is pretty good as far as fitting into the rap rhythm kind of sequence, but I might suggest arranging the words more as follows, so that it is - well - easier to put to and follow in a rhythm.

My first verse is submerge
It'll burst you with a curse
Even in reverse.
After you're dead
I'll be waiting for the nurse
To come towards the hearse
And put you on the bed
I've already rehearsed
So no need for the course
I have finally emerged
In this hurl/no time to watch
The_world_twirl
You hear me girl?
Dig up a burial ground
For your to go in your done
There's no hope for you
I won you're dope, hun
Take this fake prescription pills
To_the_pope
You can't cope with my
There's no hope you're broke.

[umair91]

I just looked sorry there' some more rhyming words but this website don't allow swearwords in it but I will try to post it again without the words sensored.

[Clough]

Maybe you could start a trend and write rap lyrics that don't include swear words. You know, it has to start somewhere if it's going to be done. You could be one of the leaders in doing that.

[ncfree2rhyme]

It's not bad but it sort of lacks depth. Try and make it more... idk just give it a little more depth.