Check out some similar questions!

rachie · May 31, 2007, 05:55 PM

My baby is 8 weeks old... and I have been following the books advice on responding to him every time he cries... but I am afraid I will spoil him. He cries now when I put him down, but when I pick him back up he is happy. I feel that he is too young to be "spoiled" but my mom and husband think I hold him too much. I Don't want him to be a brat and be dependent on me to fall asleep, etc... but what is the right way to do it? Is there a certain age you can let them fuss or cry it out?

danielnoahsmommy · May 31, 2007, 05:58 PM

Spoiled? How can an 8 week old be spoiled. He does not have the ability to manipulate. He tells you what he needs. I believed in attachment parenting except for the part of co-sleeping. I will not due that. Brat? Are you kidding. Go over to that precious gift G-D gave you and hold him, love him.

alkalineangel · May 31, 2007, 05:59 PM

I let my son cry it out... I was always told let them cry for 15 minutes... go and soothe them... put them down and let them cry. They will eventually fall asleep. Just make sure its none of the obvious reasons, hungry, wet, gas, etc... My son would put himself to sleep at 3 months and still does to this day. Good luck

alkalineangel · May 31, 2007, 06:00 PM

By spoiled they don't mean like a spoiled brat, they mean that he will want to be held all the time. Babies need to be held, but they don't need it all the time. You don't want them in the habit of being held at every waking moment, and only will fall asleep when cuddled.

rachie · May 31, 2007, 06:02 PM

I do let him fall asleep on his own when he is slightly groggy... and I do rspond and make sure his needs are met... but sometimes he seems to just cry because he wants to be held. Because when I soothe him he stops crying. He loves to be held. Is this not manipulation? )i am genuinely asking, not being sarcastic).

danielnoahsmommy · May 31, 2007, 06:04 PM

I have a masters degree in early childhood education, from my experience a child of 8 weeks does not have the cognative ability to be manipulative. He knows mommy feels good and is asking to be held by her.

Emland · May 31, 2007, 06:05 PM

I bet this post is going to get opposing viewpoints!

I am in the "hold them if they seem to need it" camp. My daughter needed to be held more than my son. He was happy to be in his little bouncer where he could see me. My daughter's eyesight is extremely poor (we found out once she was a toddler - both eyes +9.25) and I think that had a great deal to do with her wanting to be held.

Eight weeks is too young for the baby to be able to manipulate you by crying (IMO). They are happy with your presence and are unhappy if you aren't there.

Putting down for the night can be tough. The only thing that worked for me was to put them to bed - if they fussed pat the back for a while then leave for progressively longer period of times.

alkalineangel · May 31, 2007, 06:38 PM

Yes I misunderstood and thought she was talking about naptime... I agree that babies need to be held, and they are too young to be manipulative, but they also need to learn how to self soothe. They may not have the ability to manipulate you right now, but soon they will become accustomed to mommy holding them at every moment and will only be happy when held. You want a happy baby whether they are held or not. Each child is different, of course, as Emland said, but Im a believer that you should give the baby equal tummy, bouncer, interactive time as you do hold time...

sliptthrucrack · May 31, 2007, 07:55 PM

Oh heck, if my kids will let me hug them now I would love it. It just feels good to hold a baby in your arms. My kids are still young but yet old enough to say "mom, don't embarrass me" lol But all in all, I held my babies for as long as they wanted me to but yet made sure that my sleep time was still MY time. They are babies! They just want to be loved, and I don't blame them. I would love just to be held for awhile ; ) Soooo I say hold that little angel and appreciate the miracle it brings.

NowWhat · Jun 3, 2007, 12:59 PM

Babies need that closeness. And you can never hold your baby or kiss your baby enough.
Have you tried swaddling him? Babies like that close feeling. You could swaddle him nice and snuggly - that might help.

But, if you don't see a problem there - then go with your instinct. You were given it for a reason.
ENJOY YOUR BABY! They grow up so fast. Mine is now 6 going on 16 - I miss the days where she would fall asleep on my chest. So - don't waste precious time worrying if holding your baby is the wrong thing to do - IT IS NOT!

Fr_Chuck · Jun 3, 2007, 01:58 PM

Well I am a father of 5 and step father to another 2,

A baby of 8 weeks is already training the parent as to what they want.
If the baby is not wet, if the baby is not hungry, not hot and not cold, and if the baby is OK as soon as you pick him up the baby is learning, how to get what it wants.

So does it hurt anything, no, as long as you know at some point you will have to deal with the child being somewhat spoiled.

tawnynkids · Jun 6, 2007, 12:24 AM

Ok here is my two cents for what it is worth... I have 6 children 18 years to 2 years old, so I've been there a time or two. I also feel you can't "spoil" your child by holding them too much. At some point they will let go and it seems that you will just never get to hold them again. So it is great to hold and cuddle them while they love it and will let you. But yes, it can cause some detachment and independence problems. Some children just need that extra time with mom early, early on and seem to let go a little more every month as they develop and some want to hang on forever it seems.

So my advice or suggestion is this... love him, hold him, cuddle him as much as YOU want and he needs. If you feel you want him to develop a little more independence from mom (because we do have to unfortunately do dishes and we would like to shower from time to time lol) then try some side by side time. Lay next to him, touching his face, putting your hand on his back, talking to him, introducing just looking at toys next to him, a mirror... but not holding him. Try that for a just a few minutes at first or depending on how he reacts to it maybe longer. Do that periodically and see if he can learn to be little more by himself. Moving yourself a little farther away from him each time until he can lay on the floor or in a play pen and be content to hear your voice in the room. You may also want to try bright lights and music. Some kids love it and will be totally distracted and mesmerized by it. Mine, like yours got a little used to being held by me all the time until I found a great swing, he loved classical music to lights. It wouldn't last for a long time maybe only 15 minutes at a time but at least it was 15 minutes that I didn't have before.

One more option, I found that part of the solution was a book called "On Becoming Baby Wise" sometimes a routine change can help babies adjust to different needs. I found that my son was also more content with being by himself as I adjusted his schedule to better fit his needs. So I used the suggestions in this book and change his eat, wake, sleep pattern and that really helped him.

Hope at least some of this was helpful. Good luck!

jrb252000 · Aug 8, 2007, 08:46 AM

Every time my son cried at that young age I would pick him up. I did the normal routine, check the diaper, make sure he might not be to hot or cold, feed him and if that didn't work I would rock him and sing to him till he stopped. My son is now five and isn't clingy to me or bratty.

Eileen2005 · Aug 16, 2007, 02:45 PM

First of all I think you should follow your heart in raising your child. You natural mother sense will tell you what is right. Secondly, I think it is better that they get spoiled rather than feeling abandoned. It is interesting to know that physiologist believe that people whose needs have been responded to in their early childhood are more independent when they grow up in compare to those who have been left crying, like babies who had lost their parents in war. When you reply to his crying he learns to trust you. He will not get spoiled. When he grows up he will do the same for others, he will grow up to an independent loving person.

miss_icanhelp · Aug 17, 2007, 08:09 AM

I have a four year old and a 2-year old babies. When they were just newly born, I even make them fall asleep on my chest. I placed them on my chest so they can hear my heartbeat and that will make them fall asleep. Up to now, they still sleep beside me. One on each of my side which makes their dad jealous. He he he. I just want to enjoy the time while they are still young for them to feel secured and this is a great time of bonding for us. Babies have a timetable of their own.. meaning they are the ones who will tell you when is the right time for you to stop holding them and hugging them. If your baby only cried because he wants you to cuddle him, then enjoy every moment of it. The sooner you will find out how time flies so fast that he has already grown up. This is also a time for you to show your baby and make him feel that he is loved. He has his own love language and that is Physical Touch. He wants you to hold and cuddle him because he feels secured about it. However, it is also tiring to carry the baby all the time so this is what you can do, give him other things to get busy with but when he plays always stay by his side. Make him feel that he can be secured because you are still there even if you don't cuddle him. Maybe when he sees that you're just around, he will just be happy to see you and just play. But make sure to get yourself involve when he plays. A good position while playing is to put him in front of you while you are both sitting on the mattress or on the floor and hold his hands to assist him when reaching for his toy.