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manga · May 26, 2007, 01:55 PM

Originally Posted by Righthearted

she called me today to see what's up and told me that i didn't return her calls the other night...

am i rude for not calling her back? or is it weak on my part to call her?

Don't get yourself more confused by talking to her, sounds like you need some space from your phone or even seeing her name as a missed call. YOu think thinking of her possessively is enough..

talaniman · May 26, 2007, 04:27 PM

or is it weak on my part to call her?

Yes it is embarassingly weak, when a caller id gets you confused. 48 MF posts of advice and you still don't get it?? What the freak??
What part of mind games do you need to have explained to you again??
She went on a date with someone else and you worry about RUDE??
She's having a great time and your stuck on stupid!!
She is laughing her arse off, cause your hers whenever she wants and you can only see LUUUUUUUUUV!!
Dude she DUMPED you, now she is DUMPING ON you.

NUT CHECK!!

mckenzie134 · May 27, 2007, 04:15 PM

Hay, i thought i told you what to do!! You need to turn the phone off and leave it off for two weeks. I don't care what you do with it. What you should do is wrap it up in a plastic bag. Go for a drive if ypu drive or ride your bike to some deserted place you know of. Did a whole and bury it!! Leave it there for two weeks, this way you do not have to worry about anything. All you will have to do is think to yourself how much is she going to want me now she can't possibly get in contact with me. She will probably end up coming around to your place cause she will have no idea what your doing. Tell her yurve been so busy you haven't even had the phone on you.

Do this today!!

Don't take this crap anymore cause it isn't getting you know where!!

Read back on what i toold you les you see her the more she will come after you... simple

Geoffersonairplane · May 28, 2007, 03:49 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Just because you have started a new thread doesn't mean you'll get different answers. Reread your other posts and you'll see that this question has been answered. Have you noticed that everytime you see her, or she calls you get more confused? Sooner or later you will realise you will never have what you had with her, and the best thing to do is accept this is over, she wants you as a friend to make her feel better, nothing more. Now move on. STOP THE MADNESS!! That would be better for you both.

I could not rate tal on this answer but it is by far the best I have read and nothing more needs to be said.

Well I will say this anyway... Stop analyzing her calls, her texts, or anything her. You may not think you are but you are (in a way) playing mind games.

Sorry to say this but you are in the friend zone and you must accept that it is over.

Stop talking to her, it won't do you any good. Be strong, be a man!! You will get through it, I promise you.

Geoffersonairplane · May 28, 2007, 05:07 AM

Originally Posted by Righthearted

I don't want to be the "one that got away". What to do?

But maybe that's what you need to be. The "one that got away".

airsoccer07 · May 28, 2007, 05:27 AM

Due man up just ask and if it was going to work why did you ever break up to start with just tell her that you don't want to be the one that got away and see what she say's. Its to easy .

Righthearted · May 28, 2007, 05:40 AM

Thank you again everyone for the advice -
This is where we are now. Like I said Friday night she went out on a date and that same night she called me and wanted to go out for a drink. I was out with some friends so I didn't call her back. Than she calls me a couple times on Saturday (I didn't call her back, and her last message on Saturday went like "how come you're not calling me back, at least have the decency to say you don't want to talk to me anymore". So I call her back Saturday - I didn't ask about her date (should I have) we small talk and I tell her I'm going to a party that night and I'll talk to her later. She calls me later that night and asks if she can come over and sleep at my place - of course I say yes. I wind up getting really sick (flu) and Sunday I'm in bed all day. She calls me a few times to see how I'm doing.
Oh yeah and she wanted to know if I she was going to be my date at my friends wedding next month and to RSVP for both of us.

Is she trying without actually saying as much to get back together?

Geoffersonairplane · May 28, 2007, 05:51 AM

She may want to keep you in the friend zone because she is scared you will move on before she does and might explain why she wanted to stay over at yours the night of the party you went to. Sounds too much like mind games for my liking.

I think she does not want you to move on before she does and once she finds a replacement for you, she will either keep you in the friend zone or cast you away from her life for good.

That does not necessarily mean it will work out for her though but you must forget what life holds for her and get busy living your own life.

Until you realise this, you will forever be her puppet.

talaniman · May 28, 2007, 07:51 AM

Somebody tell me how you stay under the thumb of someone who dumps you? I don't get it. I know for a fact that you can find someone who loves and respects you, and will treat you better, all you have to do is move on, and leave this nutcase alone. Don't you respect yourself?

SouthernBelle06 · May 28, 2007, 01:59 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Somebody tell me how you stay under the thumb of someone who dumps you? I don't get it.

I think the answer to this question is that when you are dumped, yourself esteem plummets to nothing and you are not thinking clearly. You doubt your desirability and worry that you are unlovable. You want the ex back badly because you want to do whatever will work to take away this pain. You try anything to get them back, from "friendship" to no contact (hoping to get them to miss you). At least that is how I remember feeling when on two occasions, I have been under the thumb of someone who dumped me. I loved both of them and had invested a lot in both of those relationships.

Now that I am stronger, I am no longer under anyone's thumb and couldn't imagine being that way any more. But at the time, this is what I was feeling.

talaniman · May 28, 2007, 03:28 PM

Now that I am stronger, I am no longer under anyone's thumb and couldn't imagine being that way any more. But at the time, this is what I was feeling.

Thanks for a very insightful answer Belle, sorry I had to spread the love, but I hope the OP reads your very good response and relates to it.

mckenzie134 · May 28, 2007, 04:58 PM

I don't believe you if you want this girl back, you will have to not be afraid to lose her. She asked if you are going to the wedding together. Tell her if you don't have another girlfriend you might get her to come but you will probably be right. She's still dragging you along. You went to a party the only reasion she wanted to stay was so she new you didn't meet anyone new. You should have said no don't stay im staying at a friends house.

If she asks who say listen we are not together anymore and uintil we are what i do is none of your business we are not a couple at the moment so im living the single life.

Tell her its best if you don't talk as often from now cause your moving on. You must do this she isn't going anywhere hell she went out on a date and rang you on that night.

Take control its sitting in your lap but your too scared too take it.

This is so easy oyou have her where you want her but your to scared to push her away cause you are telling yourself if i push her away then she may go well if she does she doesn't wantyou.

She is not going anywhere all you need to do is show her you want a relationship and she doesnty so your finding someone who does simple.

Keep not answering and then tell her you have another party and if she rings to stay or meet up tell her no you don't think that's a good idea. Remember let her wonder what your doing don't fall for the sex if your not getting it from her she will think your getting it somewhere else.

Get with it push her away she is chassing and you can't see it cause your not strong enough to risk it.

You must do this or she will finally meet someone and put you away and become really mean. Do it now

Jiser · May 28, 2007, 05:03 PM

6 pages of advise, take some! ;] Get a life where your happy without her.

wiggitywackiraq · May 29, 2007, 03:28 AM

Agrees: airsoccer you hit the nail on the head in my opinion.

Geoffersonairplane · May 29, 2007, 04:13 AM

Originally Posted by airsoccer07

airsoccer07disagrees: how can you put that i never said it would you say talk over coffee i say you can't have the talk or coffee if she dont want to duh so the only way to know is to be up front and ask that first the work on where to go next with it ans the qus dont hide

O.K airsoccer07, firstly what you write above makes the least bit of sense to me and perhaps you need to watch the grammar in future.

Secondly, what has my signature about coffee got to do with this guys situation, that is just light humour unrelated to this thread?

Thirdly, I disagreed with what you suggested because although I think that communicating how you feel is important and communication is the key to solving problems in relationships, for this guy, it is already over, he is already in the friend zone. See what tal writes below. In my opinion, tal is spot on, he needs to move on and find someone that will respect him. What you suggested was the complete opposite of what this guy should be doing and while you have a right to an opinion, I disagreed because I thought it was the wrong advice to give him. I also don't think it is hiding which you incoherently describe above, it is called acceptance and moving on, or letting go and finding a better life.

You can disagree again if you like but it won't change my opinion.

Originally Posted by talaniman

Somebody tell me how you stay under the thumb of someone who dumps you? I don't get it. I know for a fact that you can find someone who loves and respects you, and will treat you better, all you have to do is move on, and leave this nutcase alone. Don't you respect yourself??

Righthearted · Jun 1, 2007, 06:37 AM

I am a glutton for punishment.
We went out the other night dinner and a movie and we held hands and kissed (I got her flowers too) I know, I know... so I guess it was a date.

I know that she wants to see other people and I'm free to do so myself (I just haven't yet) anyway I feel that she needs to do this right now; kind of get it out of her system. Before she can commit to me - eventually settle down get married. Is this the right course of action? I guess right now we're just dating? Does that sound right?

Jiser · Jun 1, 2007, 07:14 AM

Foolish man! Why you putting yourself through this. Don't make my mistakes!

Righthearted · Jun 1, 2007, 07:36 AM

I know I'm putting myself through this - exactly. I know this, I could/should just walk out of her life but I love her so much. And I know she loves me, she is just really confused right now.

talaniman · Jun 1, 2007, 07:40 AM

You assume way too much, my friend. That's why your headed for a big fall. The last thing on her mind is the rest of her life, as now she just wants to have fun, with as many people as possible. Get with the program. She is not confused at all, she knows what she wants. You on the other hand, have no clue.

Righthearted · Jun 1, 2007, 08:12 AM

Well I can't just go NC because she's my date in a month- which she wanted. I know I'm putting this on myself but it's a lot easier to give advice than to take it. Just curious are any of you actually relationship experts or do you just work off your own experiences? Thanks