[jshrckstar]

My girlfriend, and I of a year and a half have been broken up now for about 1 month. She originally broke up with me saying things like " I don't think I am in love with you anymore" "I feel like I have lost myself" " I need space right now"etc. etc... Our relationship was great up until, probably, the last 2 weeks from what I can tell. Anyway, she has been gone now, as I stated, for 1 month. We have talked a few times since, mainly regarding business matters such as picking up her things from our apartment (Yes, we had been living together for approx. 2 months) During these times we would talk, I would not break down, or go crazy with my emotions. I would simply work with her to pick up her things. I would throw in an occasional "You know I miss you, right?" or an "I hope you know I do love you". Anyway, lately I have been giving her space, as she had requested. Maybe a text message here and there, again regarding business affairs. I have not seen her in person for about 3 weeks, mind you. Again, I am trying to keep the contact to a minimum, and apply the no contact rule. Well, the other day, we had worked it out that I would drop off her things at her mothers house (Where she is staying for the time being) while she was at work. I followed through, and dropped off her things, had a brief chat with her mother (Nothing serious, just "Hi, how hare holding up" type of stuff) Anyway, I have noticed that my ex has become more and more angry? She did not say "Thank you" when I dropped of the stuff at her mothers for one. Pretty much any of the contact is initiated by her, and when she does initiate the contact she is very angry with me all of the time, and is very demanding! I have forgotten to mention that I did send her an email about 3 days after she had left, rcognizing my wrong doings in the relationship, and expressing how much I love her. Since that time I have not said a serious word about the relationship. I just don't understand what is making her so angry with me? During this break up, I have been nothing but nice to her... i.e answering questions about outstanding bills, bringing her boxes over, and to top it off wishing her luck getting back into college! It just confuses the hell out of me? I am at the point where I am beginning to realize that she may never come back to me, as this is what I had originally hoped for the first 2 weeks. However, I am so blinded by my love for her that I defend all of her actions towards me, by justifying them in some way. You know "Oh, she probably had a rough day" or "Maybe I did something?" It is getting really irritating because I am finally starting to see that she is treating me really, really crappy even after all of the nice things I have done for her. I do really love her, and still hold out a little hope she may come back. But at this rate, I feel that she could pretty much do anything to me, and I would still love her?. makes no sense! If anyone could shed some light on this, it would be great. Maybe I am in a certain stage of a standard break up? I don't know.

[xiaocake]

Break-up is afflicting for those who once engaged a sincere heart into the relationship. But more afflicting is the process before break-up when people couldn't get a clear answer from the partner to whether it is an omen of time for leaving. I think she is now not the person who has the same attitude as your to keep a love relationship. You both might be in love before, perhaps at that moment you were perfect partners for each other, but things change all the time. Please set yourself free in a tired relationship. I believe you would meet the one perfect for you later.

[shygrneyzs]

Please do not hold out any more hope for a renewed relationship with this woman. She clearly does not want contact. You clearly cannot have any contact with her because it messes you up. You are still emotionally dependent on her and want what you cannot have. She is in the position to really screw you up because she knows the hold she has on you.

Stop doing anything for her. Don't go over to her Mom's, don't make contact with her through email or telephone. You need to unhook yourself from her. If you find you cannot get past what you are going through, please see a counselor. You want to be healthy and you deserve to be healthy again. I am not so sure you are still in love with her but you do remain in love with what you thought the relationship held for you. You need some help getting to understand that and stepping away completely.

Good luck to you.

[jshrckstar]

You know, this is really true! I was actually thinking to myself the other day that she has so much power over my emotions. Only she can make the decision to come back, I understand that. But, because I love her so much, and I know how we felt for one another before, it's so hard to let go of the fact that she might come back. I know that I am holding on to what was, and not what is. It's just so hard because I was going to ask this girl to marry me! I thought for sure that I had found the girl that I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. I find myself sitting and thinking about what she is doing, how she is, who she is with, is she seeing someone? Are they better than me? You know, all of the tytpical questions one asks themselves during this time. I am having a tough time dealing with this, and my friends say that if they hear her name one more time, they are going to kick the crap out of me!. lol I just need to find some sort of common ground within myself at this point. I mean, if it's over, it's over. But the thing that scares me more than anything is that I may not find someone. Maybe it's because I am still in love with her? I have no idea, but I appreciate any help!

[shygrneyzs]

I feel for you, my son is going through a similar time. He and his girlfriend - he thought they were the "right" couple. One week they were discussing future and the next week, BOOM, she needs her space. He is having such a tough time also. Wrapping his head around this has been so sad to see him go through this. But I have been in that place and know how damaging it all can be.

I truly hope you can get past all this. Recognize your vulnerability as far as this woman is concerned and work hard to find ways to get over her. Also find out what were the triggers for this relationship and how to avoid getting this emotionally dependent again. It is not that you cannot love again, I am sure you will be able to love and be loved. I can understand your fears. That is one reason you have to talk to a counselor/therapist - even just once. To allow someone to listen and help you see all this through a different perspective.

Take care.

[talaniman]

Maybe it's because I am still in love with her? I have no idea,

Of course your still in love, how could you not be, as its only been a month. Your feelings are so natural, as you haven't had the same amount of time to come to grips with thisbreakup, and your still in a little shock over it ending. As long as your still talking though, you will stay confused and its so hard to accept that its over, when her voice will always ignite those old feelings. Many here, and you can read there stories for insight, are in the same shoes you are, trying to accept that its over. Cut all contact with her and do not talk, text, or phone her. Gradually you will move on, by doing the things you enjoy, and finding your own happiness without her. It takes time to heal, and it is a lot of work. Hang in there.

Love may be gone, but feelings and memories remain

[jshrckstar]

So, tonight has been tough. Recent days have not been bad, and things started looking up. However, tonight, I find myself missing her more than ever. I just can't seem to shake this at all. I mean, I try to just move on, and I have read through numerous posts here to help me do so, but it just does not help at all. I still hold out that small shred of hope that everyone on here seems to have. My friends don't help the situation much either. They say, "I just dont get it man! You guys were the perfect couple, I thought you guys were gonna get married!" They also tell me that it just doesn't seem right that after 1 1/2 years she would just throw it all away, and never speak to me again. I myself have thought about what I could have possibly done, that was so wrong, that she acts like she doesn't even know me. I mean, I loved this girl so much. I know I may be taking a step backwards, but I cannot help it. I have never had to go through something like this before, so I feel a little less prepared than most. But still, come on, an awesom 1 1/2 years together! Thrown away at the drop of a dime! I just don't get it? I have kept my promise to myself, to have no contact with her. But it makes things worse for me, because I sit and think to myself "She's gonna call, I know it, why wouldnt she?" I'm just really lost right now.

[missbeach123]

Please let go. I held onto every shread of hope, even little hopes that some people offered me here on this site. It's a break up because its broken, and most of the time there is no going back. I couldn't accept that, and my love "addiction" caused me to be in pain for two months now. The NC is for you to heal, not for her to come back. When I used the NC as a manipulator, I hooked up with my ex in a rush of emotions, and he pushed me away even further when he realized that it was a big deal to me. NC is for you, keep it that way. Try not to think about what she is doing, focus on you!!

I read in a book if you clap your hands at the end of a saddening thought of your ex you can really start to stop the sadness and focus on the ex. Such as "I miss X so much she was the (clap!!) one" your body begins to mentally not allow you to continue the thoughts because of the anticipation of the loud clap about to follow. Once you identify a thought that your having is making you tense up, sad, and depressed, you repeat it out loud over and over using this simple technique. Its called "thought stopping" and I find it works. After a few run throughs, you won't even be able to even start the thought, it will stop at "I miss.." because your body will be conditioned to shut down before the loud, abrupt clap. I find this helps. Repeat it until the saddening thought (the ones that make you break down and cry) have no meaning anymore. Right now, focus on you and keep your mind off what's going on with her. Good Luck!

[chippers]

When relationships end, we greive. We go through the stages of grief from anger, denial, sorrow, etc. I have no doubt that you love her and it hurts not to get it back from her. You're still grieving over the loss. And confused as to how the break up came out of left field at you. You say you noticed things 2 weeks prior to her wanting space. I think they may have been there earlier.
You need time and space as well. To come to terms with the dissolution of your relationship. Friends can only listen to so much and offer the same advice. They want what's best for you and for you not to hurt inside.
Give yourself time and heal. Don't contact her in any way. If you do find anything else she left behind besides your broken heart, then just stash them in a storage closet you don't go into very often. If she wants them, let her make the arrangements to get them while you're out. No more going out of your way for her. It'll only continue your pain and her using you for her conveinence.
Bad dys and bad nights come from time to time. It's how you ride them out that makes the difference in moving on with your life.
Go to work, exercise, join a gym or the Y. if things really get bad and hard to get through. Seek out a counilor. Someone who won't threaten to beat the crap out of you if you keep talking. A counselor will want you to talk out your feelings and help you work through it.

As for your ex's point of view, moving in with someone is a very serious step in any relationship. One she may have not been truly ready for but did it any way. At first there's the excitement of taking the step then when we do take it we wonder what we really stepped into then run. And fast. That's a big commitment and one she realized she wasn't ready to take. Although there are better ways then saying I need space and I'm moving out. The I need space only prolongs the pain and gives you false hope of her returning.
She does have the power to return but you have the ultimate power of letting her. Take time and see yourself through this before you let her. You'll be surprised about what you'll learn about yourself.

[jshrckstar]

Yeah, I hear you. It's just so hard though. I am at the point now, where I am starting to lose positive "Love" feelings for her. When I think about her, I find it hard to remember the good times now, as there are so many bad days I have to deal with because of what she did. When I find myself moving on, I seem to try and think about why I love her, so I don't forget her. I am so torn between wanting to talk to her, and not wanting to talk to her. I want to talk to her because I miss her, and I don't because I know how much pain it brings when I don't get the response I am hoping for. My friend went through something similair, except he was married. His wife said all of the same things to him, and said she needed space. She got angry any time he would try to talk to her (Same as mine, until I started NC), and not respect her space. She told him that she was actually having feelings for someone else, and almost went through with divorce proceedings. He tells me that if I truly love her, that I should try and get her back. I listen very closely to his advice, because his situation is so similair to mine. He ended up giving his wife the space she asked for, and they got back together. I guess this is where I get some of my hope? It's just confusing because my ex doesn't even call to see how I am doing, and doesn't seem to have any interest in anything that has to do with me. I am not sure why? And, I cannot think of what I had done that was so wrong to cause this. I don't want to sound to repetitive, but I appreciate all of the help and opinions here!

[Greg Quinn]

I know that it may seem really impossible... Have you thought about it being another male interest that is making her the way she is? Women can really change and be secretive when it comes to that stuff. MAN... This sure looks REALLY familiar to me! Good luck dude. Oh P.S, Move on... No matter what, it sure seems like it's over to me, and you seem really nice, you'll get a better one. But you know what's best for you.

[chippers]

Yeah, I hear ya. It's just so hard though. I am at the point now, where I am starting to lose positive "Love" feelings for her. When I think about her, I find it hard to remember the good times now, as there are so many bad days I have to deal with because of what she did. When I find myself moving on, I seem to try and think about why I love her, so I dont forget her. I am so torn between wanting to talk to her, and not wanting to talk to her. I want to talk to her because I miss her, and I dont because I know how much pain it brings when I dont get the response I am hoping for. My friend went through something similair, except he was married. His wife said all of the same things to him, and said she needed space. She got angry any time he would try to talk to her (Same as mine, until I started NC), and not respect her space. She told him that she was actually having feelings for someone else, and almost went through with divorce proceedings. He tells me that if I truly love her, that I should try and get her back. I listen very closely to his advice, because his situation is so similair to mine. He ended up giving his wife the space she asked for, and they got back together. I guess this is where I get some of my hope? It's just confusing because my ex doesnt even call to see how I am doing, and doesnt seem to have any interest in anything that has to do with me. I am not sure why? And, I cannot think of what I had done that was so wrong to cause this. I dont want to sound to repetitive, but I appreciate all of the help and opinions here!

What you did was love her and she couldn't return your feelings. She's most likely angry with her self and projecting that anger onto you. You remind her of want she can't give you in return. That can pull on the conscience allot. It's really hard to love someone and not get it in return. Love is a very fragile and powerful emotion. It's intesnity can scare even the strongest of people. And can have us pull back a little until we can get a better understanding of what we're feeling. We put a lot on the line in loving someone. We put our trust in the other person and in ourselves. In doing so we leave ourselves wide open and vulnerable. As you can atest to. Give yourself time and room to breathe yourself. If you were meant to be then you'll connect. But don't wait around for it or the cobb webs will form. Live your life. And be happy again. It will happen in time but only if you let it.

[talaniman]

And, I cannot think of what I had done that was so wrong to cause this. I don't want to sound to repetitive, but I appreciate all of the help and opinions here!

It is not uncommon to blame yourself, since you really don't know why she feels the way she does. Best to forget the whys of someone else, and accept that for whatever reason she and you are not together, and build a life that you enjoy without her. In time when the emotional dust has settled you will gain better perspective on dealing with the feelings you have, and as you get to a healthier place, you can focus on you and your life, and the things that are important to your own happiness. In time you can heal and move on, and make decisions based on facts, and not emotions. Take your time and focus on you, not her. Good Luck.

[jshrckstar]

See, I have been doing this, i.e. continuing my life, trying to find happiness. Right now, it is very tough for me to do so. My days at this point are always the same and never change. I wake up, and I immediately have the shock of her being gone. This sets off all of the feelings of missing her, loving her etc. Throughout the day, I reason with myself, contemplate the situation, accept things and so on. By the end of the night, I have a pretty firm grasp on the way I feel. But, once again, come morning I start this process all over again. It is seriously wearing on me. I would seek the help of a counselor, but I cannot afford it at this time. It's hard for me to let go of the hope, because I feel like I have to fight. Continuing the NC at the moment makes things really hard, as it makes me miss her more. When I say NC, I mean no phone, text, email, no looking at myspace, old pictures or anything. I am just in a dark hour during this healing process, and while I know things get better, I feel as though this one is different?

[talaniman]

I feel as though this one is different?

We all feel that way, you are not alone. Hang in there, buddy.

[jshrckstar]

Thanks Talaniman! So, I thought that I would throw something else out here for opinions while I'm at it. As I said, we had been together for 1 1/2 years, Well, for the last, I'd say 8 months, we have slept together every night i.e. just sleeping... lol (We were living separately at this time) She would sleep at mine, or I'd sleep at hers. Anyway, We decided that since we pretty much lived together already, and there weren't any problems, we would move in to our own place together. So, we did. As I said before, we had only been living together for about 2 months, when she decided she needed space. So, here is the sticky part. She moved out and left me with all of the bills.. i.e. Rent, utilities, the usual stuff. She is on half of the lease with me, and I am paying all of the rent because I chose to stay. Well, she has decided to move in with her cousin in another apt. right down the street from me. Is there something wrong here? Or Am I just blinded by my love here, and can't see that this is wrong? Should this make me not love her anymore? All of my friends keep saying that I shouldn't love someone who did all of this to me?

[chippers]

Thanks Talaniman! So, I thought that I would throw something else out here for opinions while I'm at it. As I said, we had been together for 1 1/2 years, Well, for the last, i'd say 8 months, we have slept together every night i.e. just sleeping...lol (We were living separately at this time) She would sleep at mine, or i'd sleep at hers. Anyway, We decided that since we pretty much lived together already, and there weren't any problems, we would move in to our own place together. So, we did. As I said before, we had only been living together for about 2 months, when she decided she needed space. So, here is the sticky part. She moved out and left me with all of the bills..i.e. Rent, utilities, the usual stuff. She is on half of the lease with me, and I am paying all of the rent because I chose to stay. Well, she has decided to move in with her cousin in another apt. right down the street from me. Is there something wrong here? or Am I just blinded by my love here, and can't see that this is wrong? Should this make me not love her anymore? All of my friends keep saying that I shouldn't love someone who did all of this to me?

Check with an attorney but I believe if she is on the lease she is responsible for her share of the rent. And you can go after her for it. Alls fair. She's respsonsible until the lease is up for renewal. I know you don't want to be the bad guy but you aren't. She already covered that when she decided to leave and needing her space. She can't ditch her monitery responsibility with you and commit with her cuousin.

[jshrckstar]

AHHHHHHHH! Can someone tell me why I still anticipate her coming back! Seriously, I am driving myself crazy, I know! I keep thinking about sending her that one little text message. You know, the one you think holds so much weight, and she is sure to come running home? That one! But I have held out, and have not sent her anything, but it's getting tough.

[talaniman]

If she moved and didn't take her name off the lease or get permission from the land lord, she owes you money. Consult with a lawyer in your area for the options you have, as they may have a 30 day notice in your lease agreement. Forget the miracle text though partner, there is no such thing as a magic text where she will come back. Focus on your legal issues right now and leave the rest alone. When you think of all the good times, don't forget the bad times as well, and how she dropped a load of responsibilities in your lap and just walked away.

[jshrckstar]

Is it wrong for me to feel anger towards her? I mean, I find myself angry at the situation, and a lot of things. I'm angry that she did this to me, after I had invested so much time into her. I feel as though I put all of my energy into a relationship that was never going to last. Not only that but, after 1 1/2 years together, she doesn't call, and doesn't even care at all about anything to do with me. About 1 week before she left, she was telling me how much she loved me, and that I was the best BF in the world! Even the night before she left, she asked me to sit on the couch with her and watch a movie, she said all of the same things "I love you" "I've never felt so comfortable with someone, like I do with you" I mean come on! How can I not be confused, and not be angry. The next day, she went to work as normal, and went to one of her best friends houses afterward. That's when she came home and dropped the bombshell. Here is the thing, I had no idea this was coming! As I am sure a lot of people don't. But 2 weeks before she left, we went out and bought a dog together, per her suggestion not mine! Then 3 days before she left, she bought paint for our apartment, and wanted me to paint an accent wall, so I did. If someone doesn't want to be with you, do they really do all of this? I didn't mention this before, because of all of the recent stuff going on, I had put it in the back of my head. What do you think?