[ceriphante]

A friend of mine has been in my ear for the past few months
Starting in January telling me how she knows this guy and he has been one of her best friends and that they're really close and trust each other implicitly and she thinks potentially it could turn into something more,
What she'd explained sounded pretty good I mean solid grounding in friendship, hanging out all the time, sharing food and innermost thoughts, he sounded quite keen..
So... when she asked me what I thought I explained I think maybe he's keen...
So we come to February and she's finally had the talk to him about this.. situation
They had a chat and he said he just never really looked at her in that way or considered her as more than friends and asked her not to pursue it any further than that...
Now the other day she comes back and explains how he is always willing to go out of his way for her even when he's not up to it for example driving her to the other side of town when he's nearly dead asleep he's so tired after pulling a double shift then driving an hour or two back to his own place to crash, and she feels he's giving her mixed messages i.e. sharing himself to the brink of potentially crossing into intimacy and then pulling back...

I couldn't entirely work it out but my understanding thus far is that maybe he's been badly burnt before and doesn't want to hurt 1 himself or to her

Any input on this one appreciated as I'd like to give her some other ideas than my own, so the question is do you think she's doomed to the friends zone or should she exercise more patience and just enjoy the friendship and see where it leads?

[steviebeezie]

Whatever is going on inside his head, your friend needs to take what he says at face value. If she values his friendship, she needs to just get past this infatuation thing. I've had plenty of friends of the opposite sex whom I'm not remotely interested in sexually, but for whom I'd do almost anything. That's being a good friend. Going out of your way for a friend is NOT a mixed message. She's projecting her own feelings onto him. You know, guys sometimes have a hard time expressing certain things to guy friends (that whole latent homosexuality thing we have issues with) so if they have a female friend who they trust, they'll tell her instead. The whole opposite sex thing can be a really confusing factor in friendships--I've had female friends who wanted more but who I wasn't interested in. It was uncomfortable for a while, but I was straight up about it and things were fine. Seriously, the worst thing your friend could do to herself right now would be to keep thinking she has a chance where none exists. She'll give herself unnecessary heartache and could ruin a good friendship.

[ceriphante]

Hmm yeah I agree in some regards but an infatuation normally lasts about a week not like over a year or more hey

[rol]

he said he just never really looked at her in that way or considered her as more than friends and asked her not to pursue it any further than that

...


Perhaps he is thinking about what she said and deciding whether a relationship between them would be a good idea.
Right now she needs to pull back and stop asking him for help with things.
If he is interested he will pursue her. She should also stop calling him and just see if he inititates contact.
Who is contacting who right now?

She needs to be unavailbale sometimes when he calls and not always around him.

[rol]

A guy likes a challenge so she needs to be one.

[talaniman]

You had better wake your friend up because if he has told her already he doesn't want her the rest is just her seeing what she wants and it ain't real. Maybe you should talk to him, and explain the problem.