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floor · May 23, 2007, 12:17 PM

Guys I really need help, I am so needy and desperate for a relationship that I am crying at this point in time and I feel so ashamed becausre I made contact with this guy froma year ago and all I get from him is constant rejection, I want to be with him but he does not want to be with me and I cannot get through my thick head. I am so insecure it desperate. Please help.

steviebeezie · May 23, 2007, 12:32 PM

Hey, at least he's decent enough to be honest with you. When I was younger, I had an obsession with this girl who wouldn't give me a straight answer when I told her how I felt about her. We even got drunk together one time, and she told me that now I could take advantage of her (I didn't). I know it's hard, but you need to find someone who is interested in you. There are a lot of people out in the world... don't waste your life going after someone who can't love you back. Talking to a therapist and maybe even getting on some anti-depressants should help you. Try some speed dating or something. Get out and meet other people. But the truth is, you need to get all right with yourself before you can have a healthy relationship, so stop looking so hard and start learning to love yourself. Good luck, and believe me I know it hurts, but you CAN get past this.

floor · May 23, 2007, 12:47 PM

I have just rung him twice now and he has ignored my calls. I am really bad at the minute and feel mentally ill, can't believe I'm saying this because I'm not really. I need to hear him say that he is not interested and then it's over.

steviebeezie · May 23, 2007, 12:48 PM

If I may ask, what has he said, specifically, in the past?

J_9 · May 23, 2007, 12:50 PM

Floor dear, you only knew this guy for a few days a whole year ago. He has moved on and you must too. Look hun, you really don't even know this guy. For all you know he could be a child molester, a serial killer, you don't know you only knew him for a few days. You had a wonderful time together for the few days that you knew him, but you don't know the REAL him.

I know we all say to forget him, and I know that is hard, but you have to learn to like you before anyone else will.

Another person does not make you complete. Only you can do that. You have to be comfortable with who you are before anyone else will be comfortable with you. It may take some counseling, and that's okay. You may need to get on some meds for the short term, and that's okay too.

Hun, you have become obsessed with a man you don't really even know. You really need to talk to someone about this, someone who can help you work through your feelings. Someone who is trained better at these situations than we are.

You need to leave this man alone. If not, you risk him pressing charges against you and you don't want that. I know you don't. So please, for yourself and your well being, enlist in some professional help.

ninahhhdreams · May 23, 2007, 12:57 PM

Why do you think she doesn't know him, there's nothing in her post that suggests she'd known him a few days.

J_9 · May 23, 2007, 12:58 PM

Ah, you did not read her other post. LOL, she only knew him for a few days a year ago.

steviebeezie agrees: He's quite right.

LOL, I am a she.

steviebeezie · May 23, 2007, 01:00 PM

OOOOPPPPSSSS!! <<Big blush>>> Sorry, the book worm seemed masculine to me somehow. :)

J_9 · May 23, 2007, 01:02 PM

Originally Posted by floor

i need to hear him say that he is not interested and then it's over.

Honey, he has already told you he is not interested, several times in fact. If you don't quit calling him, he will press charges for stalking.

floor · May 23, 2007, 02:09 PM

I have written the following tect to him which is so cruel however here it is 'i am angry with you for your non response to my text even if it was to say piss off. I am not a spiteful person but u'r ex Tina was right to leave you, she had a luck escape. She saw something in you and did not want to be with you anymore hence she foud happiness with someone else and that hurt you. The guy I met was semone who talked with affection about his dad and about his faith with an admiration I never saw that I stupaidly feel for this guy. Yes there was somehting between us but you destroyed that and you brought the worst out in me. If you are with someone then please please treat them with respect. From the bottom of my heart I wsih you and me could have seen the bes in each other however all we saw was the worst. This text is gone to him and I cannot believe that is me, I am dreadful.

J_9 · May 23, 2007, 02:11 PM

Why in the world did you do that? Really, why? You only knew him for a few days a year ago.

I am not kidding here when I say that he may press stalking charges against you, do you understand that?

floor · May 23, 2007, 02:16 PM

Because I am mentally ill

J_9 · May 23, 2007, 02:17 PM

What makes you say that?

steviebeezie · May 23, 2007, 02:30 PM

Right now, you feel like you have some kind of dark and evil monster inside you, forcing itself out and making you say things you don't want to say, feel things you don't want to feel, you don't feel like you have any control over your actions. It's the ugliest feeling one person can feel about his or herself, at least, I can't think of an uglier feeling I've ever felt. But you CAN conquer it.

I want you to make a decision. Call a friend, tell them you absolutely need to get out. When you go, leave your phone behind. Don't talk or think about this guy. Just go do something you enjoy with a friend or two. Tomorrow, you need to call and make yourself an appointment with a therapist. Tell them you need to see someone as soon as possible. Use your sessions as a time to say what you need to say, and just leave him alone. Don't talk to him, text him, anything. Don't even do it to say goodbye. Make a clean cut. Please, none of us here are able to help you like a therapist can, and none of us here can take the place of going out and having fun with your friends. I implore you to take my advice. Good luck and take heart--you CAN, and you WILL get past this.

floor · May 23, 2007, 02:46 PM

Thank you I will because I know that if I continue I will never have the opportunity to meet someone, but I will drive them away.

steviebeezie · May 23, 2007, 03:03 PM

Stay strong Floor

talaniman · May 23, 2007, 03:24 PM

Please get help as soon as possible

diya · May 23, 2007, 07:10 PM

Ok floor, before you go to the therapist, can u do me a favour? Can you please shut your eyes for a second and look for someone inside you? And repeat this aloud three times" I am happy, I do not need anyone to make me happy"ALOUD... Can you please do this and let me know how you feel... sincerely do this... it has helped many whom I've told... will help you too... if you may wish,burn a candle in front of you... good luck. Do this same time for three days...

floor · May 23, 2007, 09:48 PM

I am not mentally ill as I posted I am fine, however I did get fixated on this guy which yes was stupid of me. The sense of rejection is what I found hard to deal with. Previous to this I was wit someone for 8 months and he was good hearted in that after when we ended things we affordered each other the time and respect to listen to each other and walked away with no regrets. He was a person of integrity and never let me down. For me the gave me a great sense of security in the relationship as he turned out ot be a trustworthy person and hence he never saw this needy side of me which I certainly displayed here. I have never done this before but I do realise that I will stay away from charmers and listen to my gut feeling next time. It's over and thanks again.

bushg · May 23, 2007, 09:54 PM

Floor: I hope that you will post , in the future to just let everyone know that you are OK. Good Luck