At the age of four a foster child was the first, at the age of eight a cousin was the next, and it goes on and on. I thought I was the only one who experienced things such as this. I do have a child and was at the wrong place at the wrong time and then we jump forward to 4 years ago when I was medicated for depression and suicidal thoughts and I was sleeping when my friend's boyfriend woke me up in a way I would rather not talk about. Sometimes I'm angry, sometimes I'm sad, sometimes I just don't know what to do. Sometimes I think I must have done something, sometimes I think I deserved it, sometimes I wonder why I just felt uncapable of doing anything, I am stronger than most women but when I am put in a situation, I am weak and scared to death. I just don't know what to do. These thoughts never go away, I just hide them and not very well all of the time. I am married but, I can't change clothes in front of my husband or get naked. I can't take a bath with him and he gets upset with me if I sleep in my blue jeans. I feel safe with him but at the same time I feel so terrible. He doesn't understand on why I can't walk around naked in the bedroom with the door locked or why I lock the bathroom door. I use to be worse, he has helped me a lot. He does know some things because we talked about it but, he still doesn't understand.
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