[talaniman]

Defensive Driving Course

One of my co-workers got a speeding ticket and was attending a defensive-driving course to have points erased from her license. The instructor, a poice officer, emphasized that being on time was crucial and that the classroom doors would be locked when each session began.

Just after one class started, someone knocked on the locked door. The officer opened it and asked, "Why are you late?"

The student replied, "I was trying not to get another ticket."

The officer let him in.





Collected Comments of College Students

- He teaches like Speedy Gonzalez on a caffeine high.

- Help! I've fallen asleep and I can't wake up!

- His blackboard technique puts Rembrandt to shame.

- Textbook is confusing... someone with a knowledge of English should proofread it.

- This class was a religious experience for me... I had to take it all on faith.

- The recitation instructor would make a good parking lot attendant. Tries to tell you where to go, but you can never understand him.

- Problem sets are a decoy to lure you away from potential exam material.

- Recitation was great. It was so confusing that I forgot who I was, where I was, and what I was doing - it's a great stress reliever.

- Information was presented like a ruptured fire hose - spraying in all directions - no way to stop it.

- I never bought the text. My $60 was better spent on the Led Zeppelin that I used while doing the problem sets.





Two Elderly People

This is the story of two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years.

Now, one evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"

After about six seconds of 'careful consideration,' she answered. "Yes, Yes, I will."

The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'? He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained to her that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"

He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart." Then she continued, "And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."





For The Kids...

Why do vampires like school dinners?
Because they know they won't get stake!

Why did the skeleton stay out in the snow all night?
He was a numbskull!

I used to be a werewolf but I'm all right nooooooooooooowwwww

[Clough]

Truly, my soul is smiling! Thanks for the lift!