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Raazipond · May 20, 2007, 02:17 AM

If you talk to me or communicate with me you will not see any difference in me from a regular sensibe person. But the below things get me think that I have some problems. Or am I simply normal?

1. I had (I believe sung a song loud when at work and my co-workers heard it really loud). I am normally quiet person and people noticed me. But I have no clue that I actually sang a song aloud that people can hear.

2. From an hour before I am awake in the morning I have scary dreams, and feel completely lack of energy and feel its easier die than suffer.

3. I am agitated with most people around and am easily angered.

4. I am scared of my future and feel there is no one for me and my family( I am not married) will soon be away from me.

5. I am not good enough.

6. I tend to behave in a pecuilar way when in a crowd. I am not just the normal.

7. I pass wrong image that I am arrogant or a tough girl, I am very mild and straight forward, in reality.

8. Feel I have cheated my family and I cry aloud most of the times and feel like running away.

I will give you a background to this also about 6 months ago..

1. I got into a wrong relationship and got engaged to a guy.
2. It was a big affair and more like marriage.Many were invited and we were going around more like a cool couples.
3. Few months later, I had understood that he was a fraud and that he had dumped many girls, and many claims from him were wrong.
4. I had to call off the relationship. This meant shame to me and fmly.

Since then, I have been like very lost and uncomfortable most of the time. I am overly confused with the thoughts that hit me and the way I was going around with him and feel very embarrassed to see people.

WHAT should I do. I am lost!:(

talaniman · May 20, 2007, 07:00 AM

You are just hurt and confused, and need to heal from probably the biggest disappointment in your life. The good news is, as devastating as the reality that this relationship was not going anywhere, was the courage and wisdom to end it, and you did. Great job, and you should be proud that you didn't make the mistake of marrying the wrong guy. You are so normal, as it will take time to move on ,and get the emotions and disappointments, and yes, embarrassment, out of your system. I'm betting you are strong enough to survive this glitch in your life. Give yourself the time you need to heal. No hurry.

Raazipond · May 20, 2007, 07:18 AM

:) Thanks for that.

inthebox · May 20, 2007, 07:28 AM

1. I had (I believe sung a song loud when at work and my co-workers heard it really loud). I am normally quiet person and people noticed me. But I have no clue that I actually sang a song aloud that people can hear.
- Were you listening to that same song on an iPod?:> just kidding.

2. From an hour before I am awake in the morning I have scary dreams, and feel completely lack of energy and feel its easier die than suffer.

3. I am agitated with most people around and am easily angered.

4. I am scared of my future and feel there is no one for me and my family( I am not married) will soon be away from me.

5. I am not good enough.

6. I tend to behave in a pecuilar way when in a crowd. I am not just the normal.

7. I pass wrong image that I am arrogant or a tough girl, I am very mild and straight forward, in reality.

8. Feel I have cheated my family and I cry aloud most of the times and feel like running away.

J-mar · May 20, 2007, 07:33 AM

You are really upset at the moment because you have no plan. Believe me I can totally relate to some of the things you've said. What can really help is if you write down everything you feel, and then also write down what you want, and how you want to feel! Helps me anyway. Give yourself some time, and don't be to hard on yourself. Lifes for living, go have some fun with some m8s! And finally, forget that loser, you're probably too good for them anyway

Raazipond · May 20, 2007, 07:35 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Give yourself the time you need to heal. No hurry.

You seem to be sure that there is nothing in my mind but the incident, that's haunting.
So, the source of the problem still remains the same even after six months?
Is there anything that needs to be done about this?

Raazipond · May 20, 2007, 07:38 AM

Originally Posted by J-mar

you are really upset at the moment because you have no plan.

I do not understand this.. pl explain..

inthebox · May 20, 2007, 07:41 AM

Raazipond
Sory about that - posted before complete.

Agree with talaniman

A lot of what you are going through can be a normal response to grief - the death of a relationship. I am assuming these things started After the ending of this relationship.

You are doing the right thing in recognizing that these things can be related to the events you describe. It will take time and effort to get over things.
If these things you describe get worse, I would seek professional help.

Grace and peace

talaniman · May 20, 2007, 07:43 AM

Did you have those feelings before you met this guy? You gave no indication in the original post. Heal and reasses yourself, with an honest self examination at who you are now. I feel that you will be stronger after the emotional dust has settled. Be patient with yourself.

tawnynkids · May 20, 2007, 07:43 AM

#2, 3, 4, 5, & 8 seem to indicate that there may be some depression that might need to be dealt with by a counselor. You have suffered a great disappointment and being depressed, angry, hurt... all that is normal. What I want to say to you is, you said this happened six months ago, so if you are still feeling like this daily and have been for more than a few weeks (2 to 3 weeks at most) then you should seek someone to talk to. There is nothing wrong with you it's just that sometimes we need someone to help us through the pain in healthy ways.

inthebox · May 20, 2007, 07:50 AM

Originally Posted by Raazipond

You seem to be sure that there is nothing in my mind but the incident, thats haunting.
So, the source of the problem still remains the same even after six months?
Is there anything that needs to be done about this?

This hurt may bring up past hurts or other issues, but I don't know what you have been through and how your mind will respond.

I think most of us here on this site can relate to you, having had bad relationship[s] in the past, and are want you to feel better.

Grace and peace

Raazipond · May 20, 2007, 07:56 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Did you have those feelings before you met this guy?? You gave no indication in the original post. Heal and reasses your self, with an honest self examination at who you are now. I feel that you will be stronger after the emotional dust has settled. Be patient with your self.

Both Inthebox and Talaniman:

I was a happy-go-lucky person and nothing could stop me from being cheerful before I could meet him.
I do most things in a most careful way- no clue how did this challenge me over.

I missed my promotion, missed the salary hike.. and everything is going out of my hand..

tawnynkids · May 20, 2007, 08:13 AM

Everyone goes through events in their life that causes the things you are describing. It is when it is ongoing and has a negative impact on all areas of your life for a long period that you should seek someone else to help you out of it. The best thing for you to do at this time would be to go to your family doctor, describe everything to him/her and let them help you decide if this is something that may need more help than just time. A doctor will be better able to determine if you may be suffering from a mild clinical depression or if this is just something only time can heal.

Raazipond · May 20, 2007, 08:30 AM

Originally Posted by tawnynkids

Everyone goes through events in their life that causes the things you are describing. It is when it is ongoing and has a negative impact on all areas of your life for a long period of time that you should seek someone else to help you out of it. The best thing for you to do at this time would be to go to your family doctor, describe everything to him/her and let them help you decide if this is something that may need more help than just time. A doctor will be better able to determine if you may be suffering from a mild clinical depression or if this is just something only time can heal.

May be I should give myself some more time?

tawnynkids · May 20, 2007, 08:48 AM

I would suggest at this point, that if this has been going on longer than 3 weeks I would not wait, I would go talk to your doctor. Hopelessness, anger, seeming change in you social personality, trouble sleeping, feelings of worthlessness etc. are all serious signs. Otherwise, you could wait, maybe pick up some books from your local bookstore that focuses on healing from pain, how to deal with small boughts of depression, healing from relationships etc. Those could give you good suggestions sometimes.

"The Anger Trap" by Les Carter is an excellent book in helping you better understand the role you play in others expectations of you, of your expectations in others, in your expectations of yourself and the anger that arises in the loss of those expectations. I highly recommend it!

Raazipond · May 20, 2007, 09:13 AM

Originally Posted by tawnynkids

I would suggest at this point, that if this has been going on longer than 3 weeks I would not wait, I would go talk to your doctor. Hopelessness, anger, seeming change in you social personality, trouble sleeping, feelings of worthlessness etc. are all serious signs. Otherwise, you could wait, maybe pick up some books from your local bookstore that focuses on healing from pain, how to deal with small boughts of depression, healing from relationships etc. Those could give you good suggestions sometimes.

"The Anger Trap" by Les Carter is an excellent book in helping you better understand the role you play in others expectations of you, of your expectations in others, in your expectations of yourself and the anger than arises in the loss of those expectations. I highly recommend it!

God bless you my friend!
Happy to see people concerned about me.. not even know me that is!
Will keep you posted as I get better...

Raazipond · May 20, 2007, 09:25 AM

Guys that have taken time to read the problem and replied back- thanks a ton.
The help and advice that you have provied has brought great relief to my brain cells.

tawnynkids: I have booked for The Anger Trap through Amazon.com
Have great week ahead!

tawnynkids · May 20, 2007, 10:37 AM

Good for you! Let us know how you are doing!

Raazipond · Sep 9, 2007, 09:29 AM

:confused: Hi guys
If I am now seeing a guy, should I tell him about my past relationship at the first or second meet? Or wait till I like him? Will that be late if I wait for long and mean I cheated on him?
If I do tell, what all should I tell him? And what should I not tell?
I really don't want to be a "messy me".
-RP

Ash123 · Sep 9, 2007, 09:51 AM

Can you answer these questions:
If you wish to skip any, it's your prerogative, but it will help me sort this out for you:

1) describe relationship with father
2) with mother
3) what do you do for a living?
4) who is your best friend? What do they do?
5) what is your longest relationship? What was the guy like?
6) how did it end?
7) do you have a phobia you are aware of?
8) are you on any medications?
9) what's your favorite book? Movie?
10) have you ever been physically hurt by a family member or partner?

I am not sure why you are referring to cheating with a new guy in the mix... not necessarily relevant.